Tag Archives: children

The Joy of Not Being All Things for All People

     GraceStory Podcast from which this blog was written: https://www.gracestoryministries.com/podcast/episode/9648dda3/the-joy-of-slowing-down-laura-l-smith

Returning to GraceStory Podcast was author and speaker Laura L. Smith. This recent episode was titled The Joy of Slowing Down. In our ‘Hustle Culture,’ slowing down seems to be elusive and dreamy. Not so. Nate and Laura discussed, not only the How To’s of learning from Jesus and establishing ‘Rhythms of Grace,’ also how to reshape our perception of time to better utilize it. Slowing down and enjoying it is within reach for everyone, whether caught up in the ‘Hustle Culture’ or not.

     I was personally intrigued by the unwritten rules of ‘Hustle Culture’ Laura shared. Phrases, such as: “Can’t stop, won’t stop,” “More is more,” “Sleep is overrated,” and “Crazy busy,” seem to be the mantra for our time. While I don’t recall saying these myself, I can see how in seasons of my life, I’ve lived as though I believed them. Laura spoke of how these unwritten rules of ‘Hustle Culture’ declare, “We have to do all the things, all the time, for all the people.”

     Years ago, as a young mom fresh in my faith, I was determined to be the perfect wife, the perfect mother, the perfect Jesus follower. Attempting to be all these things led me to saying yes to everything that came my way. Even if I was on the brink of exhaustion, I had to have a spotless house. My kid’s birthday parties had to be meticulously thought out, organized, and all my guests entertained.  I expected myself to have meals planned out and prepared for my husband when he arrived home from work. And I wanted him to always be able to come home to a clean house, with all the dishes and laundry washed. I don’t recall saying to myself “can’t stop, won’t stop” specifically, however, my actions spoke those words loud and clear.

     Now, on the other side of raising children, I can see how I was caught up in the ‘Hustle Culture’ that Laura spoke of. I recognized many of the signs she mentioned. In checking my own heart, I was doing many of the things because I felt they were expected of me. I was exhausted all the time. I was too busy, doing too many things. Yup, I was definitely caught up in ‘Hustle Culture’ before I ever heard the term. 

     In my younger years I knew nothing about the ‘Rhythms of Grace’ Laura referred to. As a Soul Care Coach, I now always want to know the ‘How to’s’ in making changes. Asking questions to understand more. It was no different for me as I listened to Nate and Laura’s conversation about how to create ‘Rhythms of Grace’ for anyone finding themselves caught up in this ‘Hustle Culture.’ Mentioned in the podcast was looking at the examples Jesus has given us through Scripture. His unhurried way of life, the way he always stopped for his people, and his intentional space for talking with the Father through prayer are a great step in the right direction to slow down our pace and enjoy life. 

Prompt: Laura recommended looking at how we’re spending our day with an honest evaluation. What can be removed?  Can something be delegated? May we take time to explore this recommendation and learn from Jesus’ example.

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Fighting for Hope After The Death of a Child

Blog post written by Amy DeBerg in relation to the GraceStory podcast : “Hope: What Does it Mean to Fight for Hope?” (To listen to the podcast: https://www.gracestoryministries.com/podcast/episode/8a92be68/hope-what-does-it-mean-to-fight-for-hope-sue-bowles )

To read this post and others and to listen view the podcast library, go to https://www.gracestoryministries.com/

Fighting for hope can look differently given the context. In the latest episode of GraceStory Podcast, Master Certified Mental Health and Life Coach Sue Bowles shared several different aspects of fighting for hope. Including an emotional example of a time when she found herself fighting for hope during her parents’ divorce. 

Sue defined hope as ‘daring to believe when everything humanly and intellectually is telling you otherwise.’ She further explained hope as daring to hold God to his word until he shows up. As I listened to hope explained in this way, I was taken back to July 2014 with the loss of my 22-year-old son. I clung to hope as I struggled to breathe, at times, and found myself struggling to make it through each moment. Step-by-step. Day-by-day. That’s how I moved forward. 

A friend had advised Sue to watch her steps as she took each one forward. I can relate to that. Sometimes … that’s all I could do. Especially the times I was trying to work through my grief on my own. As Sue mentioned, trudging through in isolation leads to not being able to trust my own thoughts. However, when I chose to share my struggles with one or two trusted people, I made room for God to show up and walk alongside me in healing. God had blessed my family and I with multiple church and workplace families. These individuals and several hundred others that we didn’t know, prayed us through and gave us the support we didn’t even realize we were receiving. The love we received by fighting for hope in community carried me through some pretty difficult days, and continues to as there are still some times when the waves of grief threaten to overtake me. 

My Toolbox: 

*I’ve seen hope in the past through sharing my struggles with a trusted friend. *I declared that God would use my experience to help others because I surrendered it to him. *I have used what I’ve learned through my loss to comfort others in their moments of grief. *I’m writing a book as a way to continue my healing and help others through theirs. Acknowledge my emotions: 

My heart hurts from the absence of my son. 

I’m mad about what I’m missing out on with him. 

What am I grateful for: 

I am grateful for the 22 years I had with my son. 

I am grateful for the community God placed around me. 

Prompt: Build a Fighting for Hope Toolbox by integrating hope building strategies into your life. Ask yourself and maybe journal about the steps Sue shared in the podcast. 1- Identify where you’ve seen hope in the past? What’s helped in the past? 2- Where have you told God you’re expecting him to show up? 

3- How can that experience apply to your current situation? 

4- Build on your current situation. 

Since anxiety and gratitude cannot coexist, acknowledge your emotions before God AND speak truth and statements of gratitude. 

And remember, you matter and so do your emotions.

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Grief in Transition

     Beyond letting go of belongings. Beyond letting go of wanting to know what’s next. Beyond letting go of a known lifestyle. Beyond. Beyond. Beyond. Walking through the process of grief while in a significant life transition, is no easy task. 

     At this point in my husband’s and mine major life shift, I’ve repeatedly found myself journeying through different aspects of grieving. Even though many have portrayed ‘stages of grief’ as a linear progression, I’m here to testify to a different perspective. Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. I’ve experienced each one, often all within a day, only to revisit different emotions and/or feelings again and again. 

     Transitioning from living in a house to setting up temporary living in a travel trailer and not knowing what’s to be our living situation beyond fall. This has often elicited in me thoughts and feelings of anger pointed in different directions, including towards my husband who first introduced this new lifestyle choice to me. Maybe even a little at God because it has been obvious to us that he’s drawing us out to make this change. Is it okay for me to be angry at God? I believe so. He is our Father and he can handle any of our emotions, thoughts, feelings, or words. He can handle anything we direct his way. I also know it’s wise for me to be ready to hear from him words of correction because that’s what a good good Father does.

     This process started, I think, with feelings of denial on my part. A year ago when my hubby and I were close to making the decision to buy a camper, I retreated quickly and said no. No, it’s not the right time. And lately … lately I’ve been in denial of my own actions involved in this move; my part in buying a camper, and moving forward in this transition. It’s easy, and probably human nature, to place blame for things I’m not certain are God’s will for our lives. 

     Bargaining for me in this current adventure looks like prayer that includes surrender, bargaining (or begging), and tears. Again, God is a good good Father and has his ways of correcting his children as he answers prayers.

     Depression. Throughout the past several weeks, I’ve wandered in and out of short bouts of depression. Grieving new layers from the losses of my son, my parents, my in-laws, and my grandparents. This led to extreme heaviness on my heart and distracted me from the joys of life. Letting go of items I have been gifted, this too has led to a heavy heart. There’s so many aspects of this transition that have led to a burdensome heart and therefore helped me to take my eyes off the goodness of God and what great things he has for my hubby and I for this next chapter.

     Acceptance. Acceptance doesn’t mean I’m okay with everything that has happened or that I’m not struggling with all the things. To me, it means I can take comfort from my Holy Father. I can find solace and refuge in his presence. I can seek out trustworthy like minded friends to pray for me and remind me of all the ways God has blessed me, especially in the recent past. Acceptance is knowing and relying on our God who has it all under and within his control. It’s resting in the capable and loving embrace of a loving Father who has given so much for me.

For more information on the Stages of Grief: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five_stages_of_grief#:~:text=According%20to%20the%20model%20of,against%20using%20it%20too%20literally.

If you are interested in working through your own grief and/or loss, please contact me at: soulcarecoach.amy@gmail.com

To order my newest book Wilderness Journey Living Journal: Taking Steps Toward God, please email me at soulcarecoach.amy@gmail.com

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Letting Go

Letting Go 

     Just let go and let God. Let go and trust God. Who hasn’t heard some variation of those directives. And who hasn’t thought to themselves or even said out loud, “But what if …?” There’s nothing easy about letting go of things we’ve held tightly to. Starting a statement with ‘just’ gives the sense of this action being easy. Just walk away. Just stand up. Just close your eyes. These directives are easy, or so they seem.

     In my current situation, I’m learning more and more what it truly looks like to ‘let go.’ In April of this year, my husband and I came to the mutual decision that it is time to move again. This came after many conversations and prayer. The recurring thoughts of selling our current house and what the next stage of our lives would be, led us to believe it’s that time … again. The longest he and I have lived anywhere is five years. The home we lived in at that time was a double-wide we had set on four acres we purchased from my parents. This property was next to where I grew up. So familiar. So beautiful. So much ‘home’ to me. I even declared as our double-wide halves were being driven onto the property, “I’m finally home.” At the time I had no understanding about Heaven being my true home. I knew God, however, not in an intimate way.

     After living in the double-wide for five years, God revealed it was time to move on into what he had for us next. Here we are about twenty years later, in a similar position. Only this time, we aren’t as certain as to what’s next for us in the way of living arrangements. When we moved from that beautiful homey location near my parents, we knew we were buying a house about thirty minutes away from that location. At this juncture, we know few things.

  1. We are to live simply and simply live. All but necessities are to be let go of.
  2. God won’t let us know what’s next until we leave what’s right now. 
  3. Our home for the summer is our new camper which will be settled nicely on a seasonal lot in the town we know we are being drawn to.
  4. Listed last, however, it was the first thing we knew for sure. Abba is drawing my husband and I back to the town I grew up in. The town our double-wide was in.

     The process of moving, this time, has been very different. Each time we’ve moved until now, we would downsize and ‘let go’ of things, however, this time is so much different because of only keeping necessities. As we cleaned and prepped the house to sell, I began to ask myself and God, “What do I truly need?” There were several items I didn’t need to ask, God whispered sweetly in my ear, “Let it go.” My third time sorting through my closet, Abba gently guided me in seeing, “it’s time to let someone else enjoy that.” This was the message with several of my favorite clothing items.

     Probably the most difficult part of letting go of so many things was the time I spent going through the pictures, clothes, and belongings of my loved ones who’ve passed away. Moving through the process led me into another layer of grieving. I went through almost forty-eight hours of feeling immensely heavy-hearted. I asked Abba what was going on with me because I felt so weighed down I couldn’t even bring myself to fake a smile. He said, in his most loving way, “You are grieving many things.” This made complete sense to me. Quickly I recalled all the pictures and such I had looked through. The items I threw away and gave away and the little bit I placed into a tote to store. The memories. The emotions that went along with all those things. Not to mention the reality of grieving a complete lifestyle change. I am walking through another layer and a new layer of mourning that I’ve not experienced before.  

     “Oh Father, thank you for helping me to see this. Now I have some idea of how to proceed. Grieving, I’m well versed in grieving. My mom passed away nearly twenty-one years ago. We are almost to the eleventh anniversary of our son’s passing. I find God’s timing to be beyond words. Our first camper payment is due July fourth, the date our son was taken from us through a motorcycle accident. Our moving date is July eleventh, the date we said our goodbyes to Tad through his funeral. No coincidence, God-incidence. My dad and in-laws have also passed. I’m no stranger to mourning. It’s hard stuff!

     Next Father shared with me that he’s preparing me for my journey ahead. It’s so beautiful to me how God cares for me. He takes time to prepare me for the big things in life. The love of God, I just cannot grasp.

Letting go. 

Letting go of my expectations.

Letting go of the ‘things’ I’ve found my security in, outside of God.

Letting go of the stuff I held onto because it belonged to someone special to me.

Letting go of fears.

Letting go of my need for control of the present and the future.

Letting go. 

For more on my journey and how coaching can guide you on yours, contact me at soulcarecoach.amy@gmail.com.

For more on Prepare-Journey-Debrief-Repeat. And journal along the way. Order my book Wilderness Journey Living Journal: Taking Steps Toward God by emailing me at soulcarecoach.amy@gmail.com

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BECOMING A DEEP REAL AUTHENTIC WOMAN OF GOD Part 6

     [From Part 5]  Whatever the reason for our distorted priorities, we can turn them around with our chosen priorities each new day and a reliance on Holy Spirit?

     At the close of part 5, I shared that we would ‘put it all together’ in this post. I was misguided in my believing such a thing. This morning I felt a nudge to go down another related path.

     Recently, during a discussion with a beautiful friend of mine, I came face-to-face with a reality. Thank you, friend! On my own strength I tend to hover in extremes. I will either entirely seek God and my own interpretation of where I believe he’s leading or I will immerse myself in whatever others say. Looking to humans to make my decisions. Extremes in most any context will lead to imbalance. While I wholeheartedly believe God is our first and most important counselor in any situation, I also know our relational God has put people in the lives of his children to be support, encouragement, and truth-tellers. We need others in our lives who seek the Lord and can speak godly advice into our ears. 

     God is very relational. Father, Son, and Holy Spirit make up the Trinity. This is our example of a perfect relationship. No barriers. No fears. Right priorities. Clear perspective. 

     This fifth and bonus barrier in relationships is isolation. Mankind was created by and for community. To be with others. Choosing not to include others in our lives, living in our own little bubble, leads to isolation … loneliness … a stahl in spiritual growth. 

     Personally, I have been wanting to pour out my heart to others. I want the ladies around me to choose to come together to build community. To build relationships. My heart is to be a listening ear and encouragement to my Sisters in Faith. I’ve been struggling to know how to break barriers and share my heart with those around me.

     I want to be a support, an encouragement, a resource, a hug when needed, a voice of legacy to this current generation and to those in the future. Sometimes … sometimes … I just don’t know how to put that into audible words. Written word is where I can speak, edit, rethink and send a better message. In person, I can struggle with knowing what to say and how to say it in a way that portrays how I really feel. 

     How does this relate to isolation and a barrier to relations in becoming a deep real authentic woman of God? The extremes of counting only on God (my interpretation of his leading) or the other end of the spectrum, seeking others for leading, cuts out the balance of seeking God, seeking wise counsel, and then seeking God for further direction. This plan keeps a healthy balance in our relationship with God and others. It breaks down barriers.

     May you find balance. May you seek your people who will lead you toward God.

If I can be one of those people for you, please reach out to me. My heart is burdened for you. May you know that there are other humans wandering around in this wilderness who truly care about you and your heart.

In Part 7, maybe … we’ll put it all together and look at ways to tear down these barriers to becoming a Deep Real Authentic Woman of God.

#BreakingBarriers#Reconnection

Contact me at soulcarecoach.amy@gmail.com to discuss breaking down barriers or to place an order for my new book “Wilderness Journey Living journal”. It’s a guided journal for women that leads you through eight weeks of Taking Steps Toward God through a variety of journaling styles.

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Becoming a Deep Real Authentic Woman of God Part 5

BECOMING A DEEP REAL AUTHENTIC WOMAN OF GOD Part 5

     [From Part 4] The fears that we have developed through our past experiences have not only given way to how we view our present (our perspective), it also plays a large role in the priorities we set in our lives today. 

     This leads us to our fourth and final barrier to relationships and becoming a Deep Real Authentic Woman of God. 

Priorities.

     We live in a world of busyness being a priority and something to strive for.  In God’s economy, he’s first, then our spouse and family. Our job and ministry come after that.  He also commands that we take a Sabbath rest from all the things that tax our ability to put him first.  I am not speaking just to you, I need this message as well.  

     This is an area where we see the enemy at work.  Satan strives to keep us busy and overloaded in our lives and our schedules, pushing ourselves beyond our limits. Feeling that we just can’t say ‘no’ to whatever is asked of us.  Not that I want to give the enemy any more air time than I already have, however, I believe this quote from “Fervent” speaks volumes about priorities.  

     “If I were your enemy, I’d make everything seem urgent, as if it’s all yours to handle.  I’d bog down your calendar with so many expectations you couldn’t tell the differences between what’s important and what’s not.  Going and doing, guilty for ever saying no, trying to control it all, but just being controlled by it all instead…  If I could keep you busy enough, you’d be too overwhelmed to even realize how much work you’re actually saving me.” 

     A friend recently shared with me that busy stands for ‘Being Under Satan’s Yoke.” Now that’s eye-opening. The way we keep ourselves bizzy bizzy bizzy, gives a resemblance to the mindset of God’s people as slaves in Egypt.  They just worked all day every day, with no rest, no Sabbath as commanded by God. 

Deuteronomy 5:15  (NIV)
“Remember that you were slaves in Egypt and that the Lord your God brought you out of there with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm. Therefore the Lord your God has commanded you to observe the Sabbath day.”

     The Israelites were forced by the pharaoh’s men to work seven days a week, what’s forcing us to keep up a slave’s pace?

     A full schedule with no rhythm of rest and margin for time with God will leave a daughter of Abba attempting to run on an empty tank, wondering where the day went as she lay her head on the pillow each night.  Where do these habits and routines come from?  Maybe from watching our own moms or grandmas. Maybe from caving into the cultural expectations. Maybe lies we believed from our childhood led to beliefs about what we had to do and be in order to be accepted, loved, and/or belong. Or just maybe, we run ourselves ragged because we have unreasonable expectations for ourselves.  Whatever the reason for our distorted priorities, we can turn them around with our chosen priorities each new day and a reliance on Holy Spirit?

In Part 6 we’ll put it all together and look at ways to tear down these barriers to becoming a Deep Real Authentic Woman of God.

#BreakingBarriers#Reconnection
Contact me at soulcarecoach.amy@gmail.com to discuss new priorities you’d like to put in place in your life or to place an order for my new book “Wilderness Journey Living journal”. It’s a guided journal for women that leads you through eight weeks of Taking Steps Toward God through a variety of journaling styles.

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BECOMING A DEEP REAL AUTHENTIC WOMAN OF GOD Part 4

     [From Part 3]  Through years of healing, prayer, and study, I’ve learned my little girl mind subconsciously developed ways to protect myself by avoiding hard situations and trying to be perfect so as to not do anything ‘deserving of a spankin’. All the while, what was happening was unconsciously agreeing with the words spoken over me. By agreeing with the words, the lies, I made agreements with the enemy of my soul which he was all too happy to hold me to. These agreements or self protective vows were how my wounded mind and heart tried to protect me. What it actually did was keep me in a deep cycle of constant, sometimes subconscious, emotional and spiritual pain. The way out, the way to healing, began with Jesus.

     I feel this is a great point to stop and recap what I’ve shared so far. We are looking at four barriers to communication in Becoming Deep Real Authentic Women of God. Barriers can be spiritual and/or emotional chains that bind us and keep us from being free to be who God has created us to be. 

  • Fears. In looking at where fears come from, seeds are planted, watered, and grow from wounds in our past experiences.
  • Past. Our wounds from the past/our childhood, left open can keep us shackled to fear and unforgiveness, making connections with God and others difficult. The way out, the way to healing, begins with Jesus. 
  • Perspective. 

     Each of us have our own lenses or perspective we see life through. This perspective is tinted by life experiences, personality, DNA, and more. We have all learned through the feelings and beliefs about ourselves that have been stored up and treasured through our lives. This makes up our perspective about ourselves, God, and others.

     A reality for each of us to face is that the enemy/Satan wants us to believe we have nothing to offer God or anyone else. This perspective, or belief, is a lie. When we live out of this perspective, it causes a barrier in our relationships. Our living out of the perspective that we’re insignificant or what we have to say isn’t wanted by anyone, can lead to not sharing with the world the gifts God has given to us for his plan and purpose. I’ve personally lived in this way.

     Most of my adult life has been spent making decisions based on the belief I’m not as important as everyone else. That I don’t have anything to offer others, especially the God of the Universe. My belief that I would fail, and fear if I succeeded, kept me from using my God-given gifts. Thankfully, God has been working gently and kindly to reshape my perspective and beliefs. While I’m far from the masterpiece Abba has created me to be, I’m much closer than I was five years ago. Even three years ago. 

     Instead of us celebrating who we truly are in Christ, the enemy wants us disengaged, lifeless and constantly mourning who we wished we were. He wants nothing more than to see us crippled by self-doubt and drowning in insecurity. We are pushed further away from God and others when we fall into the trap of believing these lies. In a very real sense, we are then locking the door to our hearts from the inside. I have experienced this many times. 

     Growing up with the insecurities I had led me to believe no one would want to be my friend and for sure, no one would want to marry me.  Fortunately I was wrong. I have many friends and my husband and I have been married since 1990. Being an introvert and feeling this way about myself has made it very difficult to open myself up to relationships. This is another example of how our perspective can be a barrier to connection.

     The fears that we have developed through our past experiences have not only given way to how we view our present (our perspective), it also plays a large role in the priorities we set in our lives today.  

In Part 5, we will talk about our priorities as barriers to Becoming Deep Real Authentic Women of God.

#BreakingBarriers#Reconnection

Contact me at soulcarecoach.amy@gmail.com to talk about how your perspective is influencing your life and the decisions you are making.

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Becoming a Deep Real Authentic Woman of God Part 3

     [From Part 2]   In looking at where my fears came from, I have learned the seeds were planted, watered, and grew from wounds in my past experiences.

     To clarify, when I say ‘The Past,’ I am referring to everything up to this moment.  An interesting thing I am learning about the past is, it has limits.  It can only go up to this moment and cannot be changed. Though the past can be redeemed, only by God.  I will share later how I’ve experienced the Lord’s redemption power personally.

* The enemy likes to use the things in our painful past to puncture holes in our redeemed future.  

* Because the enemy is a liar, coward and has no imagination, he likes to remind us of past choices and mistakes. This tactic keeps old wounds open and raw, continuing to cause us pain.  

* “Sometimes we disfigure ourselves by what we think about ourselves rather than by what we do to ourselves. Some people have been disfigured emotionally because of what others did to them when they were children. Sometimes our memory banks become warehouses of beliefs and feelings that cripple our progress.” ― H. Norman Wright  

*Our wounds, left open can keep us shackled to fear and unforgiveness, making connections with God and others difficult. 

     I’ve learned that my fears stem from past experiences. There were a couple of dynamics that spoke volumes into my painful past and fed my little girl fears.

  1. During my growing up years, my mom was in and out of mental hospitals because of the extensive abuse she suffered as a child. Her mental illness and suicide attempts aided in our household being dysfunctional and unpredictable. My mom’s wounds and fears ran deep from her own childhood. 
  2. As a child I was physically and emotionally abused by my grandfather and verbally abused by my grandmother.  Their dislike for me, their granddaughter, was made known. When no one was around, my grandfather would pick up my skinny little body and shake me. He would often put me over his knees to spank me while asking, “What have you done today to deserve a spankin’?” My grandmother, on a couple of different occasions, had my sister and I set the dinner table while our dad was working outside. As we were setting the table, we realized there was one place setting missing. When my sister mentioned the lacking dishes, our grandmother stated, “Amy can eat at home.” For my growing little girl mind, these words and actions created wounds and planted seeds of fear and rejection. 

     I’ve found that my fears that started from childhood, have been the driving force in a lot of my decisions. They’ve paralyzed me and kept me silent when I should have spoken up for myself or others. Becoming aware of the fears and their source has been a step forward in feeling safe and less afraid. Learning that God is my strength and my shield has been a truth I hold on to.

      Through years of healing, prayer, and study, I’ve learned my little girl mind subconsciously developed ways to protect myself by avoiding hard situations and trying to be perfect so as to not do anything ‘deserving of a spankin’. All the while, what was happening was unconsciously agreeing with the words spoken over me. By agreeing with the words, the lies, I made agreements with the enemy of my soul which he was all too happy to hold me to. These agreements or self protective vows were how my wounded mind and heart tried to protect me. What it actually did was keep me in a deep cycle of constant, sometimes subconscious, emotional and spiritual pain. The way out, the way to healing, began with Jesus. 

NOTE: To learn about breaking free of the self protective vows, contact Thirteenth Tribe Ministries at https://www.ttmin.org/

To talk to me about coaching through goals for the future, email me at soulcarecoach.amy@gmail.com.

In Part 4 we will talk about how our Perspective impacts our becoming deep real authentic woman of God.

#BreakingBarriers#Reconnection

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BECOMING A DEEP REAL AUTHENTIC WOMAN OF GOD Part 2

  [From Part 1] In preparation for this message, I put out a question on Facebook to see the most common barriers people experience in their relationships with God and others.  While there were a variety of responses, I found many of them fit under similar headings and there were several people with similar responses.  The order I am sharing with you is for the purpose of the flow of the message.

     The first barrier is FEAR.

     What is fear? It seems like a silly question to ask and answer. Everyone is acquainted with fear. The Wikipedia definition: 

     “Fear is a feeling induced by perceived danger or threat that occurs in certain types of organisms, which causes a change in metabolic and organ functions and ultimately a change in behavior, such as fleeing, hiding, or freezing from perceived traumatic events. Fear in human beings may occur in response to a specific stimulus occurring in the present, or in anticipation or expectation of a future threat perceived as a risk to body or life. The fear response arises from the perception of danger leading to confrontation with or escape from/avoiding the threat (also known as the fight-or-flight response), which in extreme cases of fear (horror and terror) can be a freeze response or paralysis.”

     There are so many fears connected to our relationships. Fears of disappointing God and others. Fears of the unknown. Fears of being hurt physically or emotionally. Fears of not measuring up, and the list goes on.

     Second Timothy chapter 1 verse 7 tells us:  “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” (NLT) 

** Look in a mirror.

     Knowing God’s Word tells us not to fear, why do we still fear? 

     I believe fear is a natural way to respond to a lot of things we experience in life.  In the words of Priscilla Shirer in her book ‘Fervent;’  “If I were your enemy, I’d magnify your fears, making them appear insurmountable, intimidating you with enough worries until avoiding them becomes your driving motivation.  I would use anxiety to cripple you, to paralyze you, leaving you indecisive, clinging to safety and sameness, always on the defensive because of what might happen.  When you hear the word faith, all I’d want you to hear is “unnecessary risk.”” 

     The enemy magnifies our fears just like a mirror can magnify our reflection. 

     All through my childhood and much of my adult life I have lived paralyzed by fears. Afraid I would make unforgivable mistakes. Afraid I wouldn’t measure up. Afraid of the what if’s. And afraid of what others think and feel about me.  If others were to reject me, what would I do? This is all I got, the me I am.  I went for years trying to be the perfect everything. Trying to control my surroundings, only to have the realization I DO NOT have that much control.  Now I can admit to not wanting all that control … it’s too much pressure.  My lack of control was magnified over ten years ago when I lost my twenty-two year old son in a motorcycle accident.  I was and am completely powerless to change the reality of this great loss.

     In looking at where my fears came from, I have learned the seeds were planted, watered, and grew from wounds in my past experiences.

In Part 3 we will cover The Past.

#BreakingBarriers#Reconnection

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Becoming Deep Real Authentic Women of God

PART 1 (Disclaimer. This message was written in 2018, however, it is still very applicable today.)

     I have a confession or two that I want to make; I love my gardens.  I love my vegetable garden. My Peaceful Garden I sit and drink my hot tea in. And my flower beds!  I even love to weed my gardens. I know you are thinking I have lost my mind. All I can say is,  it relaxes me. I really enjoy weeding, until I come across the THING. The thing I have to confess to you I really don’t like!  It’s those things that stop my tomatoes from growing big and red and delicious!  It’s tomato worms. I really don’t like tomato worms.  I get excited because I see a nice big tomato growing on the vine and then look closer only to find a tunnel through the underside courtesy of a now plump green tomato worm.  Seeing these creatures leads me to want to ask our God, “Why oh why did you create them?”  

     I know they must have a purpose or God would not have created them.  It makes me curious about their purpose because I know they really bother me with their feeding on my beautiful tomatoes.  Well, the tomato worm’s purpose for today is to serve as an illustration for me. Soon after I saw the first plump critter, I realized he is a lot like the enemy of our souls and the barriers  he puts in our paths keeping us from having the connections and relationships God created us for.  The plump lime green critter seeks to feast on my tomatoes and therefore stop me from being able to enjoy some delicious homemade salsa or a slice of fresh tomato on my hamburger.  In a slightly similar fashion, the enemy seeks to devour any chances we have to enjoy and grow in our relationships with our Abba Father and each other.  

     Satan uses many things to attempt to destroy and/or block our relationships. We are just going to focus on four barriers in total. For the next several weeks I will share how we can break free and become Deep Real Authentic Women of God.

     Barriers can be spiritual and/or emotional chains that bind us and keep us from being free to be who God has created us to be.  I am learning when I give God my chains, he breaks me free of them and redeems whatever area of my life I have been in bondage to. The Lord is in the habit of replacing beauty for ashes.

     In preparation for this message, I put out a question on Facebook to see the most common barriers people experience in their relationships with God and others.  While there were a variety of responses, I found many of them fit under similar headings and there were several people with similar responses.  The order I am sharing with you is for the purpose of the flow of the message.

     Next week the barrier discussed will be fear.

#BreakingBarriers#Reconnection

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