Part 3 of 3 What Can Dahlia and Japanese Knotweed Have in Common?
Inner strength. Resilience. Besides them both being plants and created by God, a Dahlia and a Japanese Knotweed have these two traits in common. Their strength comes from a strong root system that grows over time, producing resilience in the face of storms.
Jesus’ words in Luke 6 verses 46-49 speak to the importance of inner strength and resilience.
“Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say? As for everyone who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice, I will show you what they are like.They are like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.”
After learning about the Dahlia plant and experiencing the Japanese Knotweed, my perspective began to shift. In God’s providence, I knew he had allowed me on this discovery journey for a purpose.
I was to see my own need to be as determined in my faith as this plant is, to survive. Instead of Japanese Knotweed being the proverbial thorn in my side, I started to see it as a strong representation of resilience.
The Dahlia plant blooms more when it’s cut and is a symbol of inner strength. The pruning that it experiences gives its root system internal strength to not only survive, but also to thrive.
Similarly, the Knotweed’s root system is strengthened every time it’s cut back, cut down, or dug up.
I want to be that determined in my faith journey.
I still don’t like Japanese Knotweed and would prefer it to disappear from my neighborhood. However, I am choosing to view it in life-giving thoughts instead of the mentally challenging ones I initially gave way to.
Resilience in my faith is what God is working in me. This only comes through difficulties and trials. Having the spiritual wind knocked out of me through life’s disappointments isn’t joyous; however, it will make me stronger in my spiritual resolve. Being cut down, like with the death of my young adult son, wasn’t what I wanted in my life; and yet…I’ve noticed on the flip side of the challenges, my faith and determination is stronger.
Maybe an important point to accept is for a strong faith, we need a strong root base or foundation, and to have that, we will need to endure struggles, challenges, and trials.
My mind wanders from the dahlia (from Part 1) to another plant I am very familiar with. Japanese Knotweed. This ‘weed’ is lacking in the beauty and desirability of the dahlia, it does share characteristics of strength and determination. Knotweed, I’ve realized, is a solid example of resilience.
My journey with Japanese Knotweed started a few years ago when this pesky plant kept popping up in a flower bed that I had painstakingly arranged with my desired decor and plant life. This determined pest didn’t fit the profile for what I had planned. My husband dug the root out and burned it, only to have it grow back quickly. The first summer I was mildly annoyed at it. By the next summer I was too busy to worry about my flower beds, therefore the persistent plant was allowed to grow as it wanted. Our third spring with our unwanted guest was a new story for me.
As the new growth of the season began to sprout up out of the ground, I decided to discover what this species of plant life was and eradicate it for good. My iPhone revealed to me what we were dealing with. Japanese Knotweed. Wanting to learn what I was up against, I dove into finding out about this invader. My soft investigation on the web yielded enough information to know this plant would be a challenge to rid my yard of. Determination drove me to try nonetheless. Advice from the web was mixed. Some said don’t mess with it. Others gave simple detailed instructions as if it were an easy thing to do.
Web details about Japanese Knotweed:
~ It’s considered one of the world’s 100 worst invasive species. Its bamboo-like stems can grow up to 15 feet tall at a rate of up to four inches a day.
~ Live Knotweed is practically immune to burning and it releases chemicals into the soil that can stop other plants from growing.
~ Shoots can grow through weak spots in walls, asphalt, and concrete.
I set out determined to win this battle. No plant was going to defeat me. I would dig every last root out of the ground. My first attempt seemed like a win, briefly. My husband and I dug up many shoots, laid them on boards to dry out and be burnable. This was a defeating exercise! Each root we dug out revealed more below the surface. Every small win seemed to be a bigger loss. Hours upon hours of digging resulted in more and more shoots coming up out of the ground within 48 hours. I lost sleep. Japanese Knotweed became a topic in most of my conversations and even a blog post or two. I wanted to warn everyone about this extreme invasive plant that was near impossible to eliminate.
Feeling defeated and at my wits end, I called an organization that deals with invasive plants. The expert on the other end informed me it’s best to leave it alone or hire a knowledgeable landscaper specially trained to uproot/destroy it. This at a cost of about $100.00 an hour with a time frame of 5-10 years to be completely rid of it and no guarantees it would be entirely gone. Our other option was to personally spend 5-10 years treating the plant leaves each fall with two potent chemicals, at a cost of around $125.00 a year. None of these options seemed doable to me. I lost more sleep. Hiring someone wasn’t an option we could afford. The thought of putting strong chemicals in the ground where our drinking water comes from wasn’t an option I was in favor of either. I decided to concede to the knotweed. It will just grow in the yard, untampered with by me.
Through the course of battling this formidable opponent, I began to ask God, “What do you want me to learn or take away from this experience? There’s got to be something good in this.”
Recently a friend said to me, “Amy, you like to research, you should look into the Dahlia flower.”
She was told, in the growth process, a dahlia bud will begin to bloom and close up. Bloom fuller and close up. This cycle continues until it has fully blossomed. Hearing the description touched something in my heart. I have gone through seasons of feeling and knowing I’m growing closer to God. Then, out of nowhere it seems, I’m shot down and I close up. I can relate to the dahlia. Learning about it gave me hope. Going through these seasons of feeling closed up and defeated have left me asking myself, “Where did I go wrong? What did I do to get here?”
God spoke to my heart the day my friend told me about the dahlia, “My daughter, you ARE growing. This is PART of the process.”
A glimmer of hope. I had to know more about this special creation of God called the dahlia. When I hear about something new that intrigues me, I dove in to learn all I could about it.
Dahlia details I found interesting, and how they relate to me.
~This flower symbolizes inner strength because of all it endures.
Recent life lessons have made me keenly aware of how my God-empowered endurance through the many traumas and difficult circumstances in my life have contributed to my inner strength. I have experienced seasons of obvious growth that have been met with opposition. At times, the opposition felt like an outright smash in the face. My emotional reserves seemed to be depleted and I would close up like the dahlia bud until more strength built up for me to open up fuller. Fully blossomed, I’m not…yet.
~The more a dahlia is cut, the more it will bloom. When the plant is about a foot tall, pinching out three to four inches of the center branch will encourage bushier plants, increase stem count, and the stem length.
Not long ago I was serving in what I thought was my dream role. I was learning and growing closer to God. Seemingly, out of nowhere I had to decide between that role and whatever was next for me. OUCH! This hurt and still does at times, however, I know that God allowed this pruning for me to be even more fruitful in the plan he has for me. Knowing that when God is doing this work he couldn’t be any closer to me than he is, brings me comfort. “I [Jesus] am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener.He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.” (John 15:1-2 NIV)
~Removing the dead flowers will keep flowers blooming for months.
God’s pruning away at the dead things in my life is leading me to be more alive than I’ve ever been. This is painful. Releasing those things to God can be difficult because they have been a part of me for so long. I have to trust that God knows best, he is THEE Master Gardener.
My anticipation had been building for the day I set aside to spend with God. I had nothing planned. No agenda. No schedule. No priority except being completely present with God. The day finally arrived. What would the day be like, I wondered. In the past, my times alone with God had consisted of long walks, sitting out on the patio, or sitting at my desk with a pen in hand or fingers on my keyboard.
This day seemed different from the start. My times alone with God were usually when my feet were the only ones to be wandering through the house. This time, my grandson’s feet joined me. The challenge of this go-round was how. How do I spend alone time with God while also spending time with my teenage grandson. Which I had not spent much time with in recent months. So my question was posed to God. “How do I do this, Lord? I want so desperately to truly be in your presence. I want to connect with you in a fresh way. I just don’t know how to do that with someone else in the house. I want to put you first God. I also want to spend time with my grandson and show him love. I wish to show him how to carve out time for God above all else. Father, I just don’t know how to do this. Please help me.”
I started the day by being honest with my grandson about my desire to be with God and the importance of it. How I need to put God first. And how I truly wanted to be with him as well. Thankfully; as a teenager, he can entertain himself for long periods of time. I still struggled; feeling that if I were focused solely on God, I was abandoning my loved one. And when I focused on my grandson, I felt that I was being disobedient to God.
What increased my struggle was the early return home of my husband. Now there were two loved ones I felt a need to focus on and my desire to connect with God. My soul cried out in my chest. Why can’t I figure this out? Why is it so hard to spend time with God? And why can’t I just speak what I need? They will understand. I knew one problem was that I don’t want to let anyone down or be selfish in putting my desire ahead of those I love.
My day was anything but what I expected. I was able to read through a few of my studies and spend some time in prayer. In the midst of my reading, I had multiple text messages and phone calls and visits from a wonderful teenager. My focus was low, my anxiety high, and my frustration mounting. I desperately wanted a fresh connection with God. Why is this so hard? This thought became my constant companion throughout the whole day.
Later in the day, I contemplated what I was going to share for a Bible Study message I was going to give the following day. God led me to John 15:1-17 (NIV) ““I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. 3 You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4 Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8 This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.
9 “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10 If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. 11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. 17 This is my command: Love each other.”
Thinking over this passage and what I was going to share about it led me to a special realization. God had answered my prayer of wanting a fresh connection with him. Studying the John 15 passage brought out how in this current age, with all the distractions and responsibilities we each have, it takes extra effort to stay connected to God. Jesus is the vine and we are the branches. Our nourishment comes through abiding in our Messiah. For our souls to be fed, we have to do the work of purposefully grabbing hold of our Lord. In the midst of the busyness, the distractions, the people we are to show love, it requires a determination to focus our attention on our relationship with God.
I know that there is so much more to this passage and the message Holy Spirit is speaking to me through it; however, I think this is enough for now. Let’s not make things any more complicated than they already are. I like to take things one or two steps at a time, not leap over small buildings with a single bound. Superwoman I am not; human Amy, I am.
In the busyness of your life, purposefully take time for Abba; the one who created you. If your running on empty and feel depleted, maybe it’s because your lifeline to God has been pinched off or disconnected. Seek God and ask him for a fresh connection to him. He likes to hear from his children. May you be blessed! I am praying for you!
So many instances in my life have been a reminder of that very that. Transformation. Change. Restoration. Which ever word you want to use, it’s a process. And sometimes… a very long one.
Recently, I was reminded of a life changing encounter with Jesus that I had nearly 10 years ago. It was indeed life changing and a start to a transformational process I have now come to see as, still in progress. Please allow me to explain.
I was out of town for a couple of ministerial classes. During a class session, we were instructed to go outside and spend some time with God. I chose to go for a walk along a hedge row, as other classmates were doing. To respect each others quiet time with God, we each kept to our own little area to pace.
After some time of walking and talking with God, I sensed Jesus telling me, “Not another step. Not another step until you decide that you are going to step out of your boat of ‘avoidance.'”
I squatted down and began to contemplate what Jesus was saying to me. I knew exactly what he was referring to. From childhood, whenever any situation, conversation, or television show would get uncomfortable or difficult, I would step away and hide from it. I didn’t know how to deal with hard stuff. I didn’t want to deal with the hard stuff. I wanted to just avoid the hard stuff. As a little girl I wasn’t made to deal with these things. It was okay to walk away. As an adult and one being led by God to lead others, this way of handling difficult situations is not beneficial to me or anyone else. This was what Jesus was referring to as my ‘boat of avoidance.’ And he was telling me it needed to end.
As I stayed squatted down contemplating this boat, Jesus told me, “You are not to take another step until you are ready to step out of the boat. And keep in mind that once you step out, you will not be able to get back in. That will be the end of avoidance.”
This was a HUGE step for me. This boat was a comfort for me. I could hide there. To me, I was safe in my little boat. I knew I couldn’t do this alone. I knew by stepping out of that boat, I would have to rely on Jesus more and myself less. I knew what I had to do. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. What I didn’t know was what living outside of that boat would look like. As I contemplated these things, I rocked gently back and forth working up the courage to stand and step.
I stood to my feet. Took a breath in. And took that step. Even though the world around me wasn’t changed, I was.
Soon after returning home from my classes I experienced a ‘test’ of sorts. I learned in a big way that when we step out in trusting God and away from old ineffective habits, we will be tested to grow a new muscle. It makes sense. When I was in school I would learn new things and then be tested on them to make sure I understood the teaching.
A year or two after my ‘stepping out of the boat’ experience, I returned to the same place for more classes. This time I had only a couple of days to write a message that I would have to present to the class on the last day. This was a classic difficult situation for me. I hadn’t written many messages and the ones I had, I was able to spend weeks on them; not two days.
After prayer, I was drawn to Matthew 14:22-33 (NIV). “22 Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. 23 After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone, 24 and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.
25 Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. 26 When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.
27 But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
29 “Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”
32 And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. 33 Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”
In studying this Scripture, I was taken back to my experience with Jesus where he led me to step out of my own boat. That day was etched in my memory. The Lord stood outside of the boat and invited me to trust him enough to join him. My experience; the day I could kind of relate to Peter, became the visual for my message that I shared with the class.
I am going to fast forward to a couple weeks ago. I was reading Mark 8:22-26. 22 They came to Bethsaida, and some people brought a blind man and begged Jesus to touch him. 23 He took the blind man by the hand and led him outside the village. When he had spit on the man’s eyes and put his hands on him, Jesus asked, “Do you see anything?”
24 He looked up and said, “I see people; they look like trees walking around.”
25 Once more Jesus put his hands on the man’s eyes. Then his eyes were opened, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly. 26 Jesus sent him home, saying, “Don’t even go into the village.”
The blind man’s healing was not instant. Jesus; in his providence, healed the man in steps. It occurred to me that similarly, our faith journey and healing is a process. I was taken back to my stepping out of the boat experience with Jesus and realized I am still ‘in process’ of learning how to live without stepping back into that ineffective boat. No guilt. No shame. This is just a human reality. My ingrained ways of coping with life will take a process to transform.
This is a season of reassessing my boat of avoidance/my process of trusting Jesus more and myself less. These are some things I am understanding more and more.
-I know Jesus’ voice.
-When I keep my eyes on Jesus, my faith stays stronger.
-Sometimes I get distracted by the things of life, take my eyes off Jesus, and begin to sink into struggles.
-Sometimes the comments of others can distract me and I take my eyes off what I know about Jesus, leading me to start to sink.
As I navigate through all of this, I was drawn to another layer to consider. A few days ago I was transplanting a peppermint root into a new space. In so doing, I discovered a shallow root from an unknown plant/tree. I began to pull it up only to find myself pulling up a maze of different sized roots spanning about a ten foot radius. As I pulled up one, I would end up with multiple roots leading me to different parts of this area in my yard. It seemed never ending. I just wanted to get to a point where I could stop without having roots sticking up out of the ground. Finally, I came to that point, except for two roots that were too substantial for me to pull or snap off. They are hanging out waiting for my husband to tend to them. I couldn’t believe the maze of entangled roots that I had uncovered. (I’m sorry if there’s anyone reading this and freaking out because I destroyed a root system.)
As I was in the midst of pulling up these weeds, I was drawn to what I have already shared with you and how it relates to pulling up roots that grow deep and/or wide. When I stepped out of the boat of avoidance I was beginning a process with Jesus. I had to accept his drawing me out of the boat and make that first step. He then began; through his Holy Spirit, to pull up the roots that had grown deep and wide through the years. These roots need to be yanked up and destroyed because they keep me from becoming the daughter God created me to be.
Some of the names to the roots Jesus is pulling up for me: avoidance, regret, shame, fear, anger, insecurity. What about you? Are there roots he’s working out for you? Can you name them?
In our instant gratification world, we have grown used to obtaining what we want in a short time. One thing I have learned is that transformation of value takes the Lord’s Touch and the Lord’s time. And his timing is perfect.
An exercise for you in guided imagination: Imagine yourself as Peter in the boat with the other disciples on the Sea of Galilee. You all see Jesus walking toward you. How do you feel? What do you smell? What do you see? What do you say?
Jesus approaches the boat and asks you to step out onto the water with him. How do you feel? What do you do?
You step out onto the water and reach for Jesus and the winds get your attention. The winds are distractions. Can you name the distractions/winds?
Those in the boat are saying something to you. What are their reactions? What are they saying? How do you respond? What do you feel?
What happens next?
Jesus had to draw me out of the boat so that he could start to pull up the roots that don’t fit for who God created me to be.
The fears we are addressing today are not the healthy fears that warn us of danger, like an open flame or a bear in our path. We are addressing the fears we have learned from childhood like being afraid of the dark, snakes, failing, not measuring up, etc. We want to look at those fears that hold us captive and stop us from the life God created us for.
And courage. I don’t know about you, but I grew up believing that being courageous meant that you had no fears. That’s not true though. Being courageous means that you move forward while experiencing fear. That takes courage.
I have learned that we are born with only 2 fears, the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises; all others are learned through our experiences.
In his book, In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day, Mark Batterson shares, “Those defining experiences can plant a seed of confidence or a seed of doubt, a seed of hope or a seed of helplessness, a seed of faith or a seed of fear.”
Fortunately, when we live in fear, we are only one decision away from living in faith. Every choice we make has the ability to change the trajectory of our lives; from fear to faith.
Today I will share with you a little of my own faith journey and how I have been able to move from a fear-filled little girl to experiencing God’s freedom in spite of a traumatic accident.
Growing up, I knew of God. I didn’t know God. He seemed distant and uninvolved in my life.
By fifth grade I was so riddled with fear that I bit my nails until they bled and had constant stomach aches. As I grew, my fears continued. I was afraid to talk to anyone outside of my few close friends and hated speaking in front of the class. It made my stomach rebel inside my body.
It’s interesting to me how I was so fearful in those situations but when it came to going into my family’s barn, I was all too eager to climb up to the large supporting beam so that I could jump down into the large mound of straw laying on the barn floor. How curious it is how we can be selective in what we are afraid of. The fun of leaping off the beam into the soft pile of straw much outweighed the fear of what might happen by doing so.
My childhood fears followed me into my college years. I was going to attend a large university. However, my fears kept me from there. Instead I settled for a junior college close to my home. It felt much less intimidating.
I was in my late twenties, with a husband and two children before I met up with God and saw what he had to do with me. As I tend to do, I dove in head first in learning about this God that wanted a relationship with me. ME! With my new-found faith, my husband bought me a bible. This very Bible. I couldn’t wait to dive into it. It is one of those women’s devotional bibles. Even though I grew up attending church, I had no idea how to read this Bible. A good friend of mine showed me how to read it. This is the same friend that invited me to her church, the one where I accepted Jesus.
Second Timothy 1:7 “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”This was the first verse to capture my attention. After reading it, I was struck by it. “Wait… God didn’t give me a spirit of fear. So, where did all these fears come from?” I have since been on a journey with God towards freedom from my many fears.
Soon after my fear revelation, I began to notice that God was breaking down the walls of my fears, one by one. I frequently didn’t even notice it was happening until I realized a fear that I carried for years, was now gone.
Dying was one of my greatest fears. Since an encounter with Jesus I haven’t feared death. Not far into my faith journey, I found myself one night thinking about how scarry death is. I was lying on my left side in my bed attempting to go to sleep. I felt a warm calming presence in the room. Then I felt a hand resting on my side, over my ribs down to my hip. In that instant, I knew it was Jesus. Somehow I knew I no longer needed to fear death. And I haven’t since.
Serving in children’s ministry helped me to learn about God in a way I could understand. Teaching the kiddos, taught me. Little by little my faith was growing. My fears were being unlearned through the Father revealing himself to me through one experience after another. I was still afraid of speaking to groups of people… unless they were little people.
Before I could decipher what God was up to, I was asked to speak for a Mother Daughter event at my church. I agreed to the request. The day came for the event. I had prepared a message but not my stomach. Before the event, I thought my stomach was going to leave my body because my nerves were so bad. I retreated to a quiet restroom to pray.
Once I began to speak to the ladies, I felt relaxed. It was then that I realized God had plans for me that involved speaking in front of people.
My tiny step of faith in accepting Jesus as my Savior resulted in the Father’s plan for my life moving forward. He has given me his supernatural power to accomplish things that I never could have dreamed of as the fear-filled little girl I was prior to knowing what God had to do with me. My stomach still rebels a bit right before I speak to groups. However, it’s nothing like when I was a kid getting physically ill anytime I had to stand in front of my class or talk to a group of people.
Fear has no place. Courage takes its place when we embrace faith.
The truth is: The journey of gut-level knowledge and acceptance of our worth as a child of God, is a real struggle.
“We look at ourselves in the mirror multiple times a day. There’s the mirror in the bathroom that says the makeup looks good, the hair is in place, and that shirt matches the sweater. There are mirrors at the gym that tell us we’re making progress-or that we’ve got a long way to go.
But it’s not just physical mirrors that are powerful. We each have mirrors within us:
The mirror of a little boy looking up and catching his mom’s first reaction of disappointment.
The mirror of going to middle school, thinking, Wow, I really look cool in this new outfit, and then realizing three minutes later in the hallway that you not only don’t look cool but people are laughing at you.
The mirror of disapproval from a spouse.
The mirror of a boss who says, “You don’t measure up.”
The mirror of a coach or teacher who said you were dumb or lazy.
The mirror of the media that says if you don’t have a perfect body, you’re not acceptable.
These mirrors create a composite picture in our minds and tell us who we are.” Chip Ingram stops there; however, I’m adding that these mirrors also inform the way we view our worth and can foster self-doubt.
Our family of origin, teachers, coaches, and others close to us have a powerful influence on how worthwhile we see ourselves.
Their influences can lead us to see our gifts and abilities.
They can inspire us positively.
Or, their influences can be a source of feelings of insecurity, inferiority, self doubt, or superiority.
Consciously, or unconsciously, we may believe that our value comes from what we can do instead of who we are.
These feelings can lead to unhealthy habits; such as, withdrawing to avoid rejection or overachieving to prove everyone wrong.
We may try to medicate the pain with alcohol, drugs, sex, retail therapy, food, social media, or anything else that may seem to fill the void.
Or, we may give in to living with unfulfilled longings for acceptance and significance.
The journey of gut-level knowledge and acceptance of our worth as a child of God, is a real struggle.
In Luke chapter 8 verses 42b-48, there’s a story about a woman who likely battled over ten years with self-doubt and longings for acceptance and significance. Luke writes:
“As Jesus was on his way, the crowds almost crushed him. 43 And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years, but no one could heal her. 44 She came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak, and immediately her bleeding stopped.
45 “Who touched me?” Jesus asked.
When they all denied it, Peter said, “Master, the people are crowding and pressing against you.”
46 But Jesus said, “Someone touched me; I know that power has gone out from me.”
47 Then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at his feet. In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed. 48 Then he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.”
In an instant, the woman went from battling a condition that left her isolated and labeled as unclean. She was forbidden to touch anyone; or anything that belonged to another. The mirrors she looked into told her she was alone, unclean, unacceptable, unworthy. And there was nothing she could do about it. But wait. She had heard enough about this Jesus of Nazareth and believed he could heal her with just a touch of the hem of his garment. In my mind, I’m wondering about her inner dialogue as she saw Jesus and her opportunity for healing so close to her. It could have sounded like:
“They call me unclean. They reject me. My own family won’t come near me. What if Jesus rejects me as well? What if I touch him and nothing changes? What if, what if? I have to push past this. I have to push past what they say about me. I have to try. I know he can heal me. I’m going for it..now.”
In an instant she was healed and Jesus drew her out of the crowd. It was worth being called out by Jesus because she knew in an instant that she was accepted, loved, healed. The journey to that point was long and difficult. Can you relate to any of her story?
The journey of gut-level knowledge and acceptance of our worth as a child of God, is a real struggle.
Have you ever struggled with self-doubt? You’re not alone. I’m on the journey with you.
So, how do we get from self-doubt or feeling worth-less to gut-level knowledge and acceptance of our worth in Christ? I believe our next step is looking past our self-doubt.
Chip Ingram shares in his book ‘Discover Your True Self,’ “Few of us realize it, but much of what we do is an effort to prove our significance, to show that we are important, valuable, competent, or accepted.
Different cultures and families come up with different ways to answer these questions, but the human race as a whole has been brainwashed to believe our significance is not found in who we are but in what we do and what others think about us. We are on a universal search to answer a universal question: Am I worth it?”
God placed within our stories a need to know that we matter, that we are valuable, and worthwhile.
When the mirrors that we have looked into tell us anything but God’s Truth of our worth, our perspective becomes distorted and can lead us into unhealthy habits. These habits can lead to struggles and addictions.
To answer the question, Am I worth it, we may look to one or more of the following:
Success in our careers, achievements, awards, promotions, positions, or through our children’s achievements.
We may look to educational titles, money or wealth, possessions, image or reputation, knowing the ‘right’ people, popularity, or ministry service to God.
Compulsion to perfectionism may come from our need for success and approval. Or, we may withdraw to avoid failure.
Several beliefs can come out of the lie that we are worth-less or insignificant.
One such belief is that of avoiding failure at all costs or believing it’s better to not try than to try and fail.
Another is that we have to work harder and longer to be a success so that we aren’t a failure.
We may believe that if people really know us, they will reject us.
Another belief is that we are a prisoner of the opinions of the important, influential people in our life. With this, we may believe that disagreeing with these people will harm our relationship irreparably, so we attempt to please everyone which creates an unhealthy lifestyle.
Did you recognize ways that you have sought to answer the question, ‘Am I worth it?’
Looking past the mirror of our self-doubt and to the words of Isaiah 43, we learn a part of what God says about how much his children are worth to him.
1 “But now, this is what the Lord says— he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. 2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. 3 For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush and Seba in your stead. 4 Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life. 5 Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west. 6 I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’ and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’ Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth— 7 everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.” 15 I am the Lord, your Holy One, Israel’s Creator, your King.”
16 This is what the Lord says— he who made a way through the sea, a path through the mighty waters, 17 who drew out the chariots and horses, the army and reinforcements together, and they lay there, never to rise again, extinguished, snuffed out like a wick: 18 “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. 19 See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. 20 The wild animals honor me, the jackals and the owls, because I provide water in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland, to give drink to my people, my chosen, 21 the people I formed for myself that they may proclaim my praise.
Let’s go back to verses 1-3a. This time we are going to personalize the passage to bring it closer to our own hearts. Read the passage aloud. When you get to Jacob, I want you to say your name. Then when you get to Israel, I want you to say ‘daughter or son.’ As we read this, envision your Abba or Daddy saying this to you personally.
1 “But now, this is what the Lord says— he who created you, _________, he who formed you, Daughter/Son: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. 2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. 3 For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
To look past our self-doubt requires us to know and accept what our Father says about us. We are his.
The journey of gut-level knowledge and acceptance of our worth as a child of God, is a real struggle. It’s important to look past our self doubt… to look at God and his plan for you.
How do we look AT God? How can we know his plan for us? The answers to both of these questions are: read, study, meditate on his Word, and pray.
God’s Word teaches us about him. Through his Word, we learn many things about the Lord’s name and character.
He is our Creator, Provider, Redeemer, Peace, Righteousness, Rock, Refuge, Fortress, King, Abba Father, Healer, Sanctifier, Shepherd, Lord. He sees all things. He knows all things. He exists outside of time so he can be in our past, our present, and our future. He is Jehovah Shammah, our Lord who is there. And he’s so much more.
God’s Word teaches us about ourselves. And it teaches us how much we are worth to God. I will let his Word speak…
Revelation 4:11 NIV “You are worthy, our Lord and God,to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were createdand have their being.”
Psalm 139:13-16 NIV. “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place,when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”
2 Chronicles 32:8 NIV “With him is only the arm of flesh, but with us is the Lord our God to help us and to fight our battles.” And the people gained confidence from what Hezekiah the king of Judah said.”
Isaiah 41:10 NIV “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you;I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Psalm 34:5 NIV “Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.
Philippians 1:6 NIV “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:13 NIV “I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”
Hebrews 10:35-36 NIV “35 So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. 36 You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.”
Ephesians 2:10 NLT “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.”
I want to tell you a story about a little girl. She was the younger of two sisters. She grew up encapsulated in fears and relied on her big sister for a lot. Being only 14 months younger than her sibling, she was always attached to her sister’s side. This precious little girl was fearful because of the mirrors that spoke to her as she grew up.
One mirror told her she would never measure up.
One mirror told her that she always did something wrong so deserved punishment.
One mirror said she was worth less than her older sister.
There were so many mirrors that told lies to her. She grew to believe the lies because the mirrors kept speaking the same things to her.
This little girl grew into a young lady that made many decisions based on the lies she believed from her childhood. She was convinced that no guy would want to marry her because of how horrible she was.
Insecurity plagued her. She was terrified to talk to people, especially the male persuasion. As a teenager she discovered that drinking alcohol gave her courage to talk to people. It also helped her to loosen up so she could have fun. Unfortunately, alcohol also made it even easier for her to go too far with guys she dated. Her fears would kick in and she couldn’t find the courage to say ‘no’ to guys when they wanted to explore her body.
This led to habits she grew to regret and a relationship that just led to feeling even worse about herself.
Fast forward several years. After getting married and having a couple of kids, this young gal found herself knowing she needed to get back to church. Finally understanding what God had to do with her, she began to realize the lies she believed for so many years and where they came from. Over the course of many years God used many people and resources to help this daughter to see him more clearly and to see herself more clearly. She has come a long way on her journey. She still struggles sometimes. She doesn’t have it all together, but who does? She’s still fighting the battle because it doesn’t end this side of Heaven. However, she now knows whose and who she is and that gives her the courage to keep moving toward God and the plan he has for her life.
I am very familiar with this gal’s story because it is mine.
Deep down, I’m still that little girl that was fed lies. Only now, God has armed me with his truth to combat those lies. I am on the journey to gut-level knowledge and acceptance of my worth in Christ.
Will you join me on the journey?
The journey of gut-level knowledge and acceptance of our worth as a child of God, is a real struggle. God told me, “Look past your self-doubt. Instead, look at me and what I have planned for you.”
The mirrors that have spoken lies to us through the years have contributed to our believing that we don’t measure up, we are somehow worth-less, and therefore doubting ourselves.
For more of the story contact Amy at: soulcarecoach.amy@gmail.com
Luke chapter 10 verses 41-42 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Jesus helps us to know that to see God more clearly we need to sit at His feet.
-Jesus shared with Martha that Mary had made the right choice in sitting at His feet. In His loving correction of Martha, we learn from Jesus that cultural norms aren’t the same as God’s.
-Matthew 6:33 NIV “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Again, Jesus helps us to know that to see God more clearly we need to seek Him first above all the distractions.
-Let’s be real, there’s a lot to deal with in life, right? We have bills, groceries, family, work, and the list goes on. With all there is to take care of, it’s easy to get distracted. Just like Martha who was tending to things that were truly needed and in so doing missed out on the best of all… sitting at the feet of Jesus.
A couple of weeks ago God provided me with a story to illustrate this very point.
After a taxing weekend, I felt drawn to take my Monday to be with Jesus. There had been so many days with many tasks to complete and my mind was just done.
My day started with grocery shopping; not really a restful errand but it needed to be done nonetheless. Following shopping and then a quick bite of lunch, I gave into my urge to go for a nice long walk. The sun was shining. It was a little chilly, nothing a hat and gloves couldn’t take care of. Not far down the road, I said, “Jesus, I really wish You were walking beside me in the flesh so I could see You with my own eyes and hear from You with my own ears. I really just want to be with You in person.”
I continued walking, not really thinking of anything, just enjoying nature and the sunshine. My stride was pretty laid back, more like a stroll. After reaching my usual turn around spot, I crossed the road and began walking back toward home. I came to a side road that I had never walked down before but I sensed a strong nudge to do so that day. Wanting to be obedient to Holy Spirit’s nudge, I ventured down the new path for a short distance. Feeling a release to do so, I turned around to resume my trek toward home. Before reaching the end of the side road, I sensed God whispering to me, “I want you to go down a new road, to try something new.”
“Oh, okay God,” I replied. I continued walking as I listened for more from Holy Spirit.
The road I was traveling on is a gravel backroad with little traffic. I came to a curve and sensed a strong need to stop and then turned to my left where I saw many leaf bare trees. I had never really stopped to pay any attention to what was beyond the road in that area. This made me curious as to why I was to look at it then. Suddenly, I realized with all the tree’s branches bare, I could see through them and see clearly what was beyond them. A thought crossed my mind that in this season of winter, the leaves were gone and I could see things I couldn’t see before.
“Wow, God, that’s interesting,” I heard myself say out loud.
I continued walking at my leisurely pace and came to another spot where I sensed God stopping me to observe. In this spot, I again could see through the trees. Only here, beyond the trees I could see a river and on the other side of the river, a white house. Again, during the warmer months I can’t see the river or the white house through the trees full of leaves. So as I continued towards home, many thoughts occurred to me.
-The leaves on the trees represented the distractions of life, the good and the bad.
-I need the winter/lacking seasons where the distractions are removed to enable me to see clearly the things I can’t see during the warm/busy seasons.
-Sometimes God will remove the distractions so I can truly see Him more clearly.
-I had to leave my house to see these things. My vantage point had to change for me to see clearly what God wanted to show me.
-Even though I couldn’t have Jesus in the flesh on my walk and hear His audible voice, I was still able to receive a strong message from the Lord that left me feeling the Truth of His presence with me.
Seeking God’s presence helps us to see Him more clearly.
Is there something distracting you?
We can find ourselves distracted by our to-do list, and even start to believe our identity is wrapped up in that list. Please hear me, I’m not saying we have to throw away the crazy list. I’m saying that when we find ourselves seeking our identity through what we do for our family, or even for God, we can’t see the Father clearly. If we can’t see God clearly, it’s near impossible to see ourselves clearly because we are created in His image.
Recently I had this image of a beautiful garden. There was an array of colors and types of plants and flowers. What made this garden different from any other was that God revealed to me this garden is within my heart, not in my yard. As I began to contemplate what God was trying to show me, I looked out at my backyard. I am a very visual person. Looking out at my outdoor flowerbed, I could gain a clearer image of this garden the Lord was showing me. Colorful flowers. Weeds. Grass. All these things are found in the flowerbed in my yard. My thoughts drifted deeper into what this garden image could mean. I’m all about mental pictures and examples that help me to understand concepts and also be able to share with others.
Our creator God (Elohim), is extraordinarily creative; not only when He created all things in the beginning, He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. This means He is still extraordinarily creative now. In God’s revelations to me, He shares mental pictures and illustrations to go along with them. This garden in my heart is no different. Our Creator shared with me that He plants (Jezreel) seeds of beautiful fragrant flowers and varying plants in my heart. The enemy comes along and plants weed seeds and destructive plants in my heart. However, I can’t place all the blame on the enemy because I sometimes allow these seeds to be planted or even dig the ground up and plant them myself. At times, the destructive plants have been placed there by someone else and I had no say in it. All is not lost! God is the Master Gardener. He can uproot any weed, any destructive plant. Some keys to the garden becoming free of the weeds and destructive plants is for me to invite the Master Gardener to enter my garden and give Him access to every aspect of it. I have to allow Him the freedom and unlimited access to every seed, flower, plant, weed, and blade of grass growing in my garden. Even the ones that I don’t like but have grown so used to having there, I don’t think I know how to live without them. Even the hefty destructive plants with the thick roots that grow down very deep.
God, my Master Gardener knows the plan for my garden. He has always known the plan and can see the beautiful lush garden that will be when the pruning, weeding, and yanking is complete. I need only to trust in The Creator’s plan. When I was born, my Heavenly Father had already planted the seeds of love, joy, peace, compassion, grace, mercy, forgiveness, redemption, and restoration in my heart. He has entrusted the care and growth of the seeds to first my parents and then to me. I can choose to allow the weeds and destructive plants that exist in my heart garden or I can relinquish control to the One who created my heart.
What about you? Besides the lovely things the Creator planted in your heart, what else has been planted there? What are you willing to allow the Master Gardener do in your heart garden so that it can become what He created it to be? Have you invited Him into that space? Have you given Him freedom and access to prune, weed, and yank out whatever He deems necessary? You are loved by the Creator of your heart! Because you are created in the image of God, you are worthy to be called a child of God; all you need to do is invite Him into your life and accept His forgiveness as you admit to Him that you have sinned by allowing the weeds to be planted in your heart and also planted some there yourself. He’s running toward you! Will you meet your Heavenly Father in the garden of your heart?
A few days ago I was driving in my little black truck. Something grabbed my attention about a song on the radio. A song I have listened to hundreds of times. It was as if I was listening to it for the first time. Holy Spirit made me keenly aware of something He wanted me to grasp. The song was Breath of Heaven (Mary’s Song) by Amy Grant. YouTube link to the song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L8_475FKJWQ This awakening experience led to a stream of thoughts that washed over me like a waterfall. Breath. Breath. Breath. The Lord has continuously amplified the word to me over the past several weeks. My breath. Breath is vital to my living. Breath in my lungs is vital to my living. Jesus; through Holy Spirit, is vital to my living. Am I focusing on my breathing? Am I making room for His breath within me?
This waterfall of thoughts led me to remembering other things I have been learning lately. Breathing deeply can improve my confidence. Inhaling and exhaling words of Truth can improve my spiritual and emotional wellness. Slowing down my body and my mind through Christian Meditation can help me to center my thoughts on Jesus therefore grounding me in the Truth. Thinking of Truth, I remembered the passage of Scripture (Genesis 2:7) about God forming man/Adam from the dust of the ground and BREATHING life into his nostrils. This too, is ‘breath from Heaven.
So many thoughts about breath washed over me. God breathed life into Adam with His breath from Heaven. Through Holy Spirit, God breathed the life of His son Jesus into the womb of Mary so that His life could be breathed into the world. Jesus came to earth to be and bring life.
Pentecost was the breathing of God’s life-giving breath into those who had made room for Jesus while He walked as a man. Pentecost was God’s Holy Spirit being breathed into man. “Pneumatology refers to a particular discipline within Christian theology that focuses on the study of the Holy Spirit. The term is derived from the Greek word Pneuma (πνεῦμα), which designates “breath” or “spirit”…” (Wikipedia)
The wholeness of my life is dependent on the breath of Heaven existing in the wholeness of my being. God’s breath in my lungs brings life. The Breath of Heaven/Jesus living in my heart brings life. And the Breath/Holy Spirit of God occupying the entirety of my human existence brings life. Slowing down to breathe in God’s life-giving breath bring life. I desire to fill myself with His Breath of Heaven so I can truly live.
NOTE: Redundancy intentional. In Scripture, words that are repeated are to tell us something. God has been repeating breath/breathing to me for several weeks. I believe this is to tell me something. In turn, I feel prompted to share it with you. Many Blessings!
Hope's Table 