Tag Archives: transitions

Grief in Transition

     Beyond letting go of belongings. Beyond letting go of wanting to know what’s next. Beyond letting go of a known lifestyle. Beyond. Beyond. Beyond. Walking through the process of grief while in a significant life transition, is no easy task. 

     At this point in my husband’s and mine major life shift, I’ve repeatedly found myself journeying through different aspects of grieving. Even though many have portrayed ‘stages of grief’ as a linear progression, I’m here to testify to a different perspective. Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. I’ve experienced each one, often all within a day, only to revisit different emotions and/or feelings again and again. 

     Transitioning from living in a house to setting up temporary living in a travel trailer and not knowing what’s to be our living situation beyond fall. This has often elicited in me thoughts and feelings of anger pointed in different directions, including towards my husband who first introduced this new lifestyle choice to me. Maybe even a little at God because it has been obvious to us that he’s drawing us out to make this change. Is it okay for me to be angry at God? I believe so. He is our Father and he can handle any of our emotions, thoughts, feelings, or words. He can handle anything we direct his way. I also know it’s wise for me to be ready to hear from him words of correction because that’s what a good good Father does.

     This process started, I think, with feelings of denial on my part. A year ago when my hubby and I were close to making the decision to buy a camper, I retreated quickly and said no. No, it’s not the right time. And lately … lately I’ve been in denial of my own actions involved in this move; my part in buying a camper, and moving forward in this transition. It’s easy, and probably human nature, to place blame for things I’m not certain are God’s will for our lives. 

     Bargaining for me in this current adventure looks like prayer that includes surrender, bargaining (or begging), and tears. Again, God is a good good Father and has his ways of correcting his children as he answers prayers.

     Depression. Throughout the past several weeks, I’ve wandered in and out of short bouts of depression. Grieving new layers from the losses of my son, my parents, my in-laws, and my grandparents. This led to extreme heaviness on my heart and distracted me from the joys of life. Letting go of items I have been gifted, this too has led to a heavy heart. There’s so many aspects of this transition that have led to a burdensome heart and therefore helped me to take my eyes off the goodness of God and what great things he has for my hubby and I for this next chapter.

     Acceptance. Acceptance doesn’t mean I’m okay with everything that has happened or that I’m not struggling with all the things. To me, it means I can take comfort from my Holy Father. I can find solace and refuge in his presence. I can seek out trustworthy like minded friends to pray for me and remind me of all the ways God has blessed me, especially in the recent past. Acceptance is knowing and relying on our God who has it all under and within his control. It’s resting in the capable and loving embrace of a loving Father who has given so much for me.

For more information on the Stages of Grief: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five_stages_of_grief#:~:text=According%20to%20the%20model%20of,against%20using%20it%20too%20literally.

If you are interested in working through your own grief and/or loss, please contact me at: soulcarecoach.amy@gmail.com

To order my newest book Wilderness Journey Living Journal: Taking Steps Toward God, please email me at soulcarecoach.amy@gmail.com

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Transplanted

The first 19 years of my life, I lived in the same house with my parents and my sister. Little did I know when I moved out of that house at the age of 19, I would move approximately 23 times over the course of the next 35 years. At first I said, “moving is fun.” I could say this when all of my earthly belongings fit into the box of my fiancé’s jacked-up pickup truck. By the time we added the belongings of two children, I began to declare, “I don’t like to move. I like change; however, the moving thing has gotten old.”

One might ask, “so why did you keep moving if you don’t like to move?” That would be a good; and fair, question. One that I can answer honestly. The first dozen or so moves were situational. Our situations warranted a change of location. Some of the reasons for our moves were: a house fire, a foreclosure, frozen pipes in our rental while I was pregnant with one baby and a had toddler in tow. Some moves were temporary in nature. We found ourselves staying with my in-laws for a couple short periods as we waited to move into a more ‘permanent’ place. We also utilized a camper a couple of times in transition from one place to another. That’s an experience all its own.

Since coming into a relationship with Jesus at the age of 28, I believe God has directed the majority of our moves. Even though it has been hard at times to pack up all of our belongings, do all the things associated with a move, and get adjusted in our new locations, each place has added to who I am today. Each living space has added another layer of strength, knowledge, and perseverance I didn’t have before. Many experiences in these locations were so taxing that I was tempted to give up. I would pray for God to remove the obstacles. He usually didn’t. One thing I have learned is sometimes He allows the obstacles to remain so my character, strength, and perseverance can grow. I think my ability to be more patient has grown as well.

We have battled basement mold, bedbugs, fleas, Japanese Knotweed, putting a doublewide on fresh property, two foreclosures, owning/managing a family restaurant, being landlords, and running a bed & breakfast. Thank God this wasn’t all at the same time. The restaurant, being landlords, and running a B & B were all at the same time; the rest was fortunately spaced out some.

The point in reminiscing over all of my family’s moves is what caught my attention some weeks ago. While looking at a tall mullein plant at a campground, it occurred to me how taking certain plants from one location to another can sometimes encourage them to grow better than they had before. Conversely, the opposite can be true as well. Maybe they prefer more shade and their original location placed them in all day long direct sunlight. It may also be the original location was a crowded flower bed that stifled growth of the plant. There can be a multitude of reasons for whether a plant grows well and thrives in any given location. In my contemplation of the mullein plant, it occurred to me how the same can be said for people; specifically myself.

Some places we have lived, I noticed how I grew in my character, my faith, or other areas. Other places, I felt stifled and maybe a little stagnant. However, I have also realized recently that even in the places and spaces where I thought there’s not been any growth, there actually was. Or, maybe they were just rest spots where I could store some energy for the next part of the journey. In any case, moving many times to different areas; and sometimes back to well known areas, has fostered in me the ability to transition well and make new friends better and easier than I could as I was growing up. If I had it to do over again, would I want to move so many times? Nope. I wouldn’t. But maybe it’s just what God had planned for me to be shaped into who He planned me to be all along.

Transplanting people or plants can equal a stronger root system. It can also stifle growth if the new location isn’t conducive for that individual person or plant. Or maybe; as I have learned with knotweed, there really is growth, you just can’t see it because it’s below the surface. I have grown in perseverance, character, strength, faith, wellness, and I know a multitude of others ways through the many moves/transplants and transitions. In the end, I don’t know if I would change much about our moves. Other details, I’m sure.

#TransplantGrowth

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SEASONS: THE JOURNEY OF PERPETUAL CHANGE

On my walk today, I began to consider wellness and how it relates to the seasons. Currently, the leaves on the trees have turned from vibrant green to multiple shades of yellow, orange, and red. It occurred to me that the trees are transitioning to let go of their leaves and prepare for the coming winter season. Fall seems to be a season of transition; just as spring is a season of transition. Fall transitions into the stillness and chill of winter and spring transitions into the vibrancy and warmth of summer. Fall is one of my favorite seasons; I love the colors, the smells, and the warm coolness of the air. What I usually don’t like about fall is the reminder that it brings, of the fast approaching winter that seems to last entirely too long. Don’t get me wrong, I love the holidays that we celebrate during the winter season; I also love looking out at the majestic beauty of the snow glistening on the trees and the warm blanket that I would probably be snuggling under to keep warm. The parts of the winter season that are difficult for me are the sense of death that I see in the trees as they stand without their covering of beautifully colored leaves, the brisk coldness in the air that keeps me from my regular nature walks, and the emotional down-ness that is caused by my lack of fresh outdoor air. In considering these ‘obstacles’ for the quickly approaching winter season, I decided that it’s time for a new take on an old thought. As nature prepares to transition into winter, so can I. I can start taking small steps to ensure that this winter; and the coming winters, will look differently with a wellness perspective instead of a perspective of dread of what’s to come with the obstacles of snow, cold, and ice. Burrrrr!

I don’t want to look at this with the thought that I am going to be ‘healthy.’ The word healthy always leads to the thoughts of “I have to eat good-for-me foods and exercise like a mad woman.” No, I am going to start with a thought; and maybe a question. In my desire to reach wellness as a whole person; body, mind, and spirit, I know that my behavior starts with a thought so I want to focus on how I think about God, myself, and others. In the transition from the warm vibrancy of summer to the cold stillness of winter, this fall I am going to focus on a few Scripture verses that bring life to my mind and my heart. I have chosen Psalm 46:10, Romans 8:28, Proverbs 3:5-6, and 1 Corinthians 15:57. My nature walks are difficult in the winter because of the cold; however, for my body, mind, and spirit to be well it is vitally important that I spend at least some time outside in nature; I will commit to do this as the weather permits. For the part of focusing on others, I have began to set up times to spend with friends. For most people this doesn’t sound like a big deal; however, for this extreme introvert, I assure you that it takes much intentionality for me to do this because my natural self is quite content to stay in my own home, in my own little bubble. Please don’t get me wrong, I love people and I enjoy being with them; it’s just not part of my natural bent to always be with others.

In a world where we are always running 90 miles an hour with our hair on fire, you may think that there should be a list of steps that I will take beyond what I have already shared. Well, I was tempted to go that route because I am a task-oriented person; but Holy Spirit in me says, “No.” Baby steps forward are much better than giant steps forward only to fall backwards because I am trying to do too much too quickly.

I pray for you whole-being wellness!

Psalm 46:10 NIV

 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.”

Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV

 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
 in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.

1 Corinthians 15:57 VIV

But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Romans 8:28 NIV

 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

#BabySteps #TransitionIntoWellness

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