Tag Archives: transformation

NO RETURN

Transformation is a process.

So many instances in my life have been a reminder of that very that. Transformation. Change. Restoration. Which ever word you want to use, it’s a process. And sometimes… a very long one.

Recently, I was reminded of a life changing encounter with Jesus that I had nearly 10 years ago. It was indeed life changing and a start to a transformational process I have now come to see as, still in progress. Please allow me to explain.

I was out of town for a couple of ministerial classes. During a class session, we were instructed to go outside and spend some time with God. I chose to go for a walk along a hedge row, as other classmates were doing. To respect each others quiet time with God, we each kept to our own little area to pace.

After some time of walking and talking with God, I sensed Jesus telling me, “Not another step. Not another step until you decide that you are going to step out of your boat of ‘avoidance.'”

I squatted down and began to contemplate what Jesus was saying to me. I knew exactly what he was referring to. From childhood, whenever any situation, conversation, or television show would get uncomfortable or difficult, I would step away and hide from it. I didn’t know how to deal with hard stuff. I didn’t want to deal with the hard stuff. I wanted to just avoid the hard stuff. As a little girl I wasn’t made to deal with these things. It was okay to walk away. As an adult and one being led by God to lead others, this way of handling difficult situations is not beneficial to me or anyone else. This was what Jesus was referring to as my ‘boat of avoidance.’ And he was telling me it needed to end.

As I stayed squatted down contemplating this boat, Jesus told me, “You are not to take another step until you are ready to step out of the boat. And keep in mind that once you step out, you will not be able to get back in. That will be the end of avoidance.”

This was a HUGE step for me. This boat was a comfort for me. I could hide there. To me, I was safe in my little boat. I knew I couldn’t do this alone. I knew by stepping out of that boat, I would have to rely on Jesus more and myself less. I knew what I had to do. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. What I didn’t know was what living outside of that boat would look like. As I contemplated these things, I rocked gently back and forth working up the courage to stand and step.

I stood to my feet. Took a breath in. And took that step. Even though the world around me wasn’t changed, I was.

Soon after returning home from my classes I experienced a ‘test’ of sorts. I learned in a big way that when we step out in trusting God and away from old ineffective habits, we will be tested to grow a new muscle. It makes sense. When I was in school I would learn new things and then be tested on them to make sure I understood the teaching.

A year or two after my ‘stepping out of the boat’ experience, I returned to the same place for more classes. This time I had only a couple of days to write a message that I would have to present to the class on the last day. This was a classic difficult situation for me. I hadn’t written many messages and the ones I had, I was able to spend weeks on them; not two days.

After prayer, I was drawn to Matthew 14:22-33 (NIV). “22 Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. 23 After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone, 24 and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.

25 Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. 26 When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.

27 But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”

28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

29 “Come,” he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”

31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

32 And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. 33 Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

In studying this Scripture, I was taken back to my experience with Jesus where he led me to step out of my own boat. That day was etched in my memory. The Lord stood outside of the boat and invited me to trust him enough to join him. My experience; the day I could kind of relate to Peter, became the visual for my message that I shared with the class.

I am going to fast forward to a couple weeks ago. I was reading Mark 8:22-26. 22 They came to Bethsaida, and some people brought a blind man and begged Jesus to touch him. 23 He took the blind man by the hand and led him outside the village. When he had spit on the man’s eyes and put his hands on him, Jesus asked, “Do you see anything?”

24 He looked up and said, “I see people; they look like trees walking around.”

25 Once more Jesus put his hands on the man’s eyes. Then his eyes were opened, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly. 26 Jesus sent him home, saying, “Don’t even go into the village.”

The blind man’s healing was not instant. Jesus; in his providence, healed the man in steps. It occurred to me that similarly, our faith journey and healing is a process. I was taken back to my stepping out of the boat experience with Jesus and realized I am still ‘in process’ of learning how to live without stepping back into that ineffective boat. No guilt. No shame. This is just a human reality. My ingrained ways of coping with life will take a process to transform.

This is a season of reassessing my boat of avoidance/my process of trusting Jesus more and myself less. These are some things I am understanding more and more.

-I know Jesus’ voice.

-When I keep my eyes on Jesus, my faith stays stronger.

-Sometimes I get distracted by the things of life, take my eyes off Jesus, and begin to sink into struggles.

-Sometimes the comments of others can distract me and I take my eyes off what I know about Jesus, leading me to start to sink.

As I navigate through all of this, I was drawn to another layer to consider. A few days ago I was transplanting a peppermint root into a new space. In so doing, I discovered a shallow root from an unknown plant/tree. I began to pull it up only to find myself pulling up a maze of different sized roots spanning about a ten foot radius. As I pulled up one, I would end up with multiple roots leading me to different parts of this area in my yard. It seemed never ending. I just wanted to get to a point where I could stop without having roots sticking up out of the ground. Finally, I came to that point, except for two roots that were too substantial for me to pull or snap off. They are hanging out waiting for my husband to tend to them. I couldn’t believe the maze of entangled roots that I had uncovered. (I’m sorry if there’s anyone reading this and freaking out because I destroyed a root system.)

As I was in the midst of pulling up these weeds, I was drawn to what I have already shared with you and how it relates to pulling up roots that grow deep and/or wide. When I stepped out of the boat of avoidance I was beginning a process with Jesus. I had to accept his drawing me out of the boat and make that first step. He then began; through his Holy Spirit, to pull up the roots that had grown deep and wide through the years. These roots need to be yanked up and destroyed because they keep me from becoming the daughter God created me to be.

Some of the names to the roots Jesus is pulling up for me: avoidance, regret, shame, fear, anger, insecurity. What about you? Are there roots he’s working out for you? Can you name them?

In our instant gratification world, we have grown used to obtaining what we want in a short time. One thing I have learned is that transformation of value takes the Lord’s Touch and the Lord’s time. And his timing is perfect.

An exercise for you in guided imagination: Imagine yourself as Peter in the boat with the other disciples on the Sea of Galilee. You all see Jesus walking toward you. How do you feel? What do you smell? What do you see? What do you say?

Jesus approaches the boat and asks you to step out onto the water with him. How do you feel? What do you do?

You step out onto the water and reach for Jesus and the winds get your attention. The winds are distractions. Can you name the distractions/winds?

Those in the boat are saying something to you. What are their reactions? What are they saying? How do you respond? What do you feel?

What happens next?

Jesus had to draw me out of the boat so that he could start to pull up the roots that don’t fit for who God created me to be.

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Thoughts on Exodus: Getting Out of Egypt and Getting Egypt Out.

I have recently been reading through the Book of Exodus with fresh eyes and what I have encountered is another facet of the journey from God calling Moses to lead His people out of Egypt until the establishment of the Tabernacle; basically the whole book of Exodus. I have been contemplating sharing these thoughts for a couple of months now and today feel drawn to put them in type and share.

God is in control at all times! He will defeat all other gods!

God is patient!

The plagues in Egypt were not only for Pharaoh’s sake, but also for the Israelites. The Israelites; God’s people, had been under the reign of Egypt for a long time; long enough for Joseph to be forgotten by Egyptian rulers, maybe even the people of God. The Exodus generation had been fully raised and immersed in the Egyptian culture; even if they were still worshipping God, it is likely that they were also influenced by the Egyptian gods and culture.

God heard the cry of His people and knew what needed to happen for their freedom. I believe that the Israelites (and all people that would hear their story) needed to know God’s heart and character in a more real way; something very visible and memorable.

A hardened heart suffers great consequences that God allows for a purpose. I believe that Pharaoh’s and other Egyptian’s hardened hearts were the result of fear and self-centered thinking. The Egyptian’s didn’t want the Israelites to leave because that would mean a great loss of manual labor because there were so many of them. Because of the number of Israelites, the Egyptians were also fearful of what God’s people could do if they didn’t maintain control over them. The cost of a hardened heart starts small and grows to death of something and/or of someone valuable. Some people look at the verses in Exodus that say that God hardened Pharaoh’s heart and wonder why God would do that. I wondered the same thing until this time of studying this passage of Scripture. In my NIV Cultural Backgrounds Study Bible, there’s a writing about the meaning of ‘God hardening’ Pharaoh’s heart. One thought that goes with Egyptian culture would point to God’s judging of Pharaoh’s heart. Another view that goes along with Egyptian expressions and could be a functional equivalent of the Biblical language could be a caustic satire of Egyptian ideas. The original term used in Scripture could mean a heart that grows hard, heavy, and strong which could be thought of as a positive thing in the Egyptian culture of the time; however, this could be God giving Pharaoh exactly what he wants or Pharaoh himself heaping guilt of wrongdoing upon himself, therefore dooming himself to punishment; along with his people. What it boils down to is that we don’t know positively what is meant by God hardening Pharoah’s heart, but we do know that God did not cause Pharaoh and his actions to come under judgement; he, the Egyptians, and their gods, had already come under judgement. The plagues were just giving them what they had already earned.

We will experience natural consequences to our choices.

God says what He means and means what He says. His yes is yes and His no is no.

God will defend His people against evil.

The plagues show the Israelites the true heart of Pharaoh, making the leaving easier. This may be the first step in getting the Egypt out of God’s people.

The process with Pharoah and the plagues shows what sin does in our own lives.

Pharaoh’s response to Moses/God is similar to that of the Israelites toward God. Let me explain a bit. The times of the plagues is a visual for the Israelites to see how they had been toward God. And in the end, He rescues them as He does all that accept Him through Jesus. It’s a heart issue!

The story with Pharaoh is similar to the Pharisees in the New Testament. (I will let you consider this on your own.)

Israelites. God spares their firstborns and takes the firstborn of the Egyptians; this to save His people. Jesus. God sacrifices His firstborn to save all His people through all eternity.

Each person’s ‘me-ology’ is incomplete and unable to have control over every aspect of one’s life because there are too many variables.

King ‘Me’ will be overthrown by the King of kings.

Getting the Israelites out of Egypt took less time than getting the Egypt out of the Israelites; as it is with Christ-followers getting the sinful patterns out of our lives and wounds healed. Walking out of our old lives takes less time than getting our old lives walked out of us. Putting ourselves in the Hands of God is the first step to His shaping us into the Masterpiece that He has created us to be. Ephesians 2:10 “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” Creating a masterpiece takes time; chipping away at what doesn’t belong (ouch!), and intentionality.

God is patient!

The Israelites gave from what they had for the building of the Tabernacle and it was more than enough. In our time, people look to the church to supply for their needs.

The Israelites were willing to offer their skills and abilities for the building of the Tabernacle and the priestly garments.

The building of the Tabernacle seemed to keep the Israelites busy doing what God had asked of them so they weren’t idol and doing things on their own.

From the beginning of time, God’s people have desired to have a physical representation of Him. Without that, mankind tends to seek their own manmade gods that lead to worshipping gods other than the one True God.

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DRAGONFLIES & SORROW

The life of a dragonfly begins as an egg laid underwater and it remains under water for the majority of it’s life. It is only after two to five years of toughing it out in the water that a larvae emerges into the sunlight, breaking out of its exoskeleton and transforms into the beautiful flying creature that has become a symbol of transformation and resilience.

A dragonfly’s life can be looked at in stages; the first stage being the egg, the second stage being the larvae, and the third stage being the dragonfly with wings to fly. Many people look at grief and sorrow in the same way. The experts have shared that there are stages of grief and how we need to move through each stage so that we can get to the ‘sunlight’ and be somehow on the other side of grief. Unlike the life stages of a dragonfly, the ‘stages of grief’ are not linear and those experiencing them may not experience everyone of them or experience them just once. It is possible to experience several of the stages in one day, only to experience all the same in the next day. What is similar with grief and sorrow to the stages of life of the dragonfly is that when we are strong enough to climb out of the proverbial water and break out of our grieving exoskeleton, we can grow our soaring wings and fly in the life that God created us for with the strength that He has created in us through the under water experience of grief.

During our times of underwater grief, we can be in a big hurry to get out of the water and make it to the sunlight; however, to rush to the sunlight we miss out on the strength that can be gained by living in the depths of the pain and sorrow of grief. Please hear my heart, I am not saying that we need to stay in the depths and just live there; I am saying that we need to swim toward the pain of the loss and allow God to grow us through it. In His infinite wisdom, God will give us the strength to grow in and through this pain and sorrow and then equip us to emerge from the water with the strength to soar in the life that He created us to live.

In our hurried and rushed life, we think that we need to get from here to there quickly; in reality, we sometimes just need to ‘be.’ Be in the moment. Be in the pain. Be in the sorrow. And know that God will be with us through it all.

Jeremiah 17:7-8 NIV

7 “But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,
    whose confidence is in him.
8 They will be like a tree planted by the water
    that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
    its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
    and never fails to bear fruit.”

As we are strengthened and ready to emerge from the deep waters of pain and sorrow, what awaits us is a life where we can break out of the grief and grow our wings to soar in the strength that we have gained through our season in the water. The tree mention in Jeremiah 17:8 got it’s strength from weathering many storms through many seasons. It does not fear because it has experienced life and grown through it. We can trust God and put our confidence in Him because our growth and strength; not only comes from Him, but with Him.

NOTE: If you are journeying through grief, I highly recommend reading “A Grace Disguised: how the soul grows through loss” by Jerry Sittzer.

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