No matter our relationships, our loved ones are part of our story. The part of my story that I will share with you involves my son. He is my first born and only son. My sweet happy baby boy turned into a very active toddler with some behavioral issues. After talks with our doctor and a counselor, we saw better days with help of behavior modification and a medicine. This part of my mothering journey was prior to my relationship with Jesus. Now I know that prayer would have been a great resource for me back then.

At the age of four, my son was unofficially diagnosed ADHD and so began my journey to learn all I could about ADHD and what may possibly help us work through this. I explored meds, natural remedies, and book after book about the ADHD and child rearing in general. Trying to mother this boy was a roller coaster ride through the ups and downs of emotions and fits of throwing every toy out of his toy room at me in the kitchen. The times of being hugged and told “I love you” and in the next breath “I hate you;” this was my daily life. I remember the cycles of about six weeks of life being okay to six weeks of constant behavioral problems. The sweet times were so awesome and then the other times were so trying. Anyone with a child living with ADHD can probably relate.

When my Tad was ten years old, it was the greatest year! He was so compliant and happy. It was the reward before the punishment of the preteen and teen years. Those preteen and teen years were more of the roller coaster ride with the ups and downs surrounded by teen boy hormones. I saw my compliant boy turn into someone who attempted suicide; thankfully by weak means and no harm was done. Unfortunately, it was years later that he shared with me about this attempt so I couldn’t seek help for him, again. He began to get into fights at school, torment his younger sister, fight with me over every little thing, and become someone I didn’t recognize.

In high school Tad started hanging around students that smoked pot and who knows what else. Of course, most of what I know about his teen years came out much after high school. So why do I share all of this old story with others. As I process much about my son and his short life here on earth, I sense a huge nudge from God to share about Tad’s story as it relates to my story.

With a string of choices that Tad made, my life has been altered; not only by giving birth to him and co-raising him, but for the rest of my life here on earth. Out of protection of others I will not share at this time publicly all the details of Tad’s life; however, I will share that he learned first hand about having to deal with the consequences of his choices. Consequences were something that I; through his growing up years, couldn’t get him to comprehend. As an adult, he learned rather quickly how his choices led to things that he would regret down the road. Not only that, but those choices also impacted others around him.

Tad became a daddy to our wonderful Emmett at the young age of 19, without a way to financially support him.

Tad got his GED because he didn’t finish high school and didn’t want to go through adult education.

Tad quit college before he finished.

Tad attempted for years to self-medicate to battle the thoughts in his mind.

Tad was tormented every day by the choices that he made through his life.

Tad died at the age of 22 driving his dad’s Harley Davidson motorcycle; leaving his; then three year old, son to grow up without his daddy. (This accident was not his fault; he was hit by someone who ran a red light.)

My sweet happy baby boy was created by God for a purpose and God had a plan for his life. Tad brought his mama smiles, laughs, and great hugs. He also brought me along on the journey of his choices because they also impacted my life, my story. His story is part of my story. I thank God that Tad and I are both part of His Story!

Through the years since Tad’s passing, I have been thankful for the signs that God made sure were in place so that I could know that I will see my son again when I reach Heaven.

Here’s my prayer that I am inclined to share; only God knows why it is important for me to share this publicly.

Heavenly Father,

You gave Tad to his father and I for a season. That season was shorter than I expected but I so appreciate the love, laughs, and joy that you gave to me through my years of being Tad’s ma’. Oh how I hated that he called me ma’ but now I miss it so! I am so thankful to You for the miraculous way You worked in Tad’s life in turning him back to You in the last year and a half of his life here on earth. Thank you for the fabulous day as a family that You gave to us before he went to be with You in Heaven! Thank You for bringing me to a point that I can share with others about my story that includes Tad’s story! Lord God, You know how my heart aches and the tears sometimes flow because I miss Tad so. You also know better than I do the torment that Tad experienced every day because of the choices that he made earlier in his life. Jesus, as much as I miss Tad, I am glad that I can know that he is with You in perfection. Selfishly I want him with me but I would rather he be with You, the Savior of his soul. I love You, Lord God.

In Jesus Name I pray! Amen.