“Some time later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for one of the Jewish festivals.  Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda and which is surrounded by five covered colonnades.  Here a great number of disabled people used to lie—the blind, the lame, the paralyzed.  One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years.  When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?”

 “Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.”

Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.”  At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked.” (John 5:1-9 NIV)

[Warning: This post is a real and raw post meant to help others with truths that I am learning on my own journey.]

As I prayed, Holy Spirit brought to mind the paralytic that had been unable to walk for 38 years, until Jesus went to see him at the Pool of Bethesda. Jesus asked the man if he wanted to get well and the man gave Jesus excuses as to why he wasn’t healed. These excuses were all based on how others have not helped him or got in his way of being healed.

It occurred to me that I am that human being. I have blamed others for my not ‘getting well’ and becoming ‘holy confident.’ I have tried many manmade antidotes to be ‘healed;’ to no avail. I have sought God, but not trusted Him for His outcome; I have been seeking my own outcome. Maybe it’s in this ‘messy middle;’ with my struggling insecurity, that I am to relate to others. I have always believed that I have to be ‘on the other side of’ insecurity and the other things, in order to truly be used by God; however, that’s a lie because God can use me no matter what stage of spiritual growth I am in. This messy middle ground is where I am the closest to God and so I think I will just ‘be here’ until He moves me elsewhere; or He chooses to heal me of this current stuff. Whichever it is, I will trust God for the outcome.

In considering what the Pool of Bethesda can represent, this is what came to mind:

Seeking others’ approval for worth/value

Pretending to be someone I am not

Intellectualizing things to make it seem like I know more than others or because I want to lean on my own understanding, instead of God

Endless learning without application

Asking God to ‘heal’ me or to speak to me but then not listen for the answer

Building walls around my heart to keep others at a distance

Rejecting others before they have a chance to reject me

Just sitting in limbo and not stepping out in faith; not trusting God for the outcomes

Avoidance of the difficult stuff

My prayer is that in my transparency, you will find a nugget of truth that will be helpful for you. God gives us our testimonies not to keep them to ourselves, but to be a beacon of light and hope to others. May God’s light shine on your own path and illuminate; not only your path, but the paths of those around you!

#healing