In the book of Numbers chapter thirty-four, Moses’ recounted the long journey he and the Israelites had through the wilderness. This passage reminds me of my own journey in the last thirty plus years and how recounting it could help me to see how far the Lord has brought me. At times, I can get down on myself by thinking ‘I should be further in my faith and healing than I am.’ The truth is … I’ve come a long way because of the Holy Spirit’s work in me.

     My personal ‘Egypt’ was full of wrong choices, shame, and living out of the lies I have believed about God, myself, and others since childhood. Lies about who I am and my value. This led to regrettable choices and burdensome shame.

     My two kiddos were preschoolers when I came to the end of myself and cried out for help. Since then I’ve been living in the ‘already and not yet’ wilderness. Already because Jesus has saved me. Not yet because the Holy Spirit is still transforming me into the person God created me to be. Who I will be in the eternal Promised Land (heaven).

     My wilderness trek began in 1997, when I surrendered my life to Jesus. Since then, the many moves my husband and I have made, all had a purpose. Not that we knew that then. No matter the reason for the move, I experienced growth in some area of my being. I can see now that sometimes I was running from my childhood wounds. Avoidance is truly a defense mechanism. In recent years, God has directed our moves and with them been bringing me closer to healing. As with the Israelites in the wilderness, getting ‘Egypt’ out of me is a long process.

     In many biblical examples, I can see parts of my own life. Currently, the story I resonate most with is the Isrealites wandering the desert. Forty years in the wilderness. Who would sign up for that? It doesn’t matter the name of the wilderness, it’s still what it is … unknown future. Unknown obstacles. Unknown dangers. The Israelites left the land of Egypt and its slavery to travel into an unknown ‘Promised Land’ to worship their God. 

     For the Israelites, each stop along their journey meant another area of refining that needed to be done to prepare them for the Promised Land. Laws. Festivals. Punishments. Rescue. All these things and more were a part of their journey. There were several generations of habits, traditions, and misbeliefs that God was working out of them. It took generations for God’s people to get to the mind space they were in; it would take time to replace the wrong way of living with God’s way. The lessons they learned. The Lord hearing their cries. Bringing them out of physical slavery. Then all the years following where God patiently built up Moses as a respected leader, established laws for right living as his people, and freeing them from emotional and spiritual slavery.

     My own road feels very similar to the bumpy one the Israelites traveled. Someday I will reach my Promised Land and spend eternity with God. Until then … I will look for the cloud by day and the fire by night to know where my Lord is leading me. Whether it’s forty years or eighty.