My anticipation had been building for the day I set aside to spend with God. I had nothing planned. No agenda. No schedule. No priority except being completely present with God. The day finally arrived. What would the day be like, I wondered. In the past, my times alone with God had consisted of long walks, sitting out on the patio, or sitting at my desk with a pen in hand or fingers on my keyboard.

This day seemed different from the start. My times alone with God were usually when my feet were the only ones to be wandering through the house. This time, my grandson’s feet joined me. The challenge of this go-round was how. How do I spend alone time with God while also spending time with my teenage grandson. Which I had not spent much time with in recent months. So my question was posed to God. “How do I do this, Lord? I want so desperately to truly be in your presence. I want to connect with you in a fresh way. I just don’t know how to do that with someone else in the house. I want to put you first God. I also want to spend time with my grandson and show him love. I wish to show him how to carve out time for God above all else. Father, I just don’t know how to do this. Please help me.”

I started the day by being honest with my grandson about my desire to be with God and the importance of it. How I need to put God first. And how I truly wanted to be with him as well. Thankfully; as a teenager, he can entertain himself for long periods of time. I still struggled; feeling that if I were focused solely on God, I was abandoning my loved one. And when I focused on my grandson, I felt that I was being disobedient to God.

What increased my struggle was the early return home of my husband. Now there were two loved ones I felt a need to focus on and my desire to connect with God. My soul cried out in my chest. Why can’t I figure this out? Why is it so hard to spend time with God? And why can’t I just speak what I need? They will understand. I knew one problem was that I don’t want to let anyone down or be selfish in putting my desire ahead of those I love.

My day was anything but what I expected. I was able to read through a few of my studies and spend some time in prayer. In the midst of my reading, I had multiple text messages and phone calls and visits from a wonderful teenager. My focus was low, my anxiety high, and my frustration mounting. I desperately wanted a fresh connection with God. Why is this so hard? This thought became my constant companion throughout the whole day.

Later in the day, I contemplated what I was going to share for a Bible Study message I was going to give the following day. God led me to John 15:1-17 (NIV) “ “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. ² He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. ³ You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. ⁴ Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

⁵ “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. ⁶ If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. ⁷ If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. ⁸ This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

⁹ “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. ¹⁰ If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. ¹¹ I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. ¹² My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. ¹³ Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. ¹⁴ You are my friends if you do what I command. ¹⁵ I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. ¹⁶ You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. ¹⁷ This is my command: Love each other.”

Thinking over this passage and what I was going to share about it led me to a special realization. God had answered my prayer of wanting a fresh connection with him. Studying the John 15 passage brought out how in this current age, with all the distractions and responsibilities we each have, it takes extra effort to stay connected to God. Jesus is the vine and we are the branches. Our nourishment comes through abiding in our Messiah. For our souls to be fed, we have to do the work of purposefully grabbing hold of our Lord. In the midst of the busyness, the distractions, the people we are to show love, it requires a determination to focus our attention on our relationship with God.

I know that there is so much more to this passage and the message Holy Spirit is speaking to me through it; however, I think this is enough for now. Let’s not make things any more complicated than they already are. I like to take things one or two steps at a time, not leap over small buildings with a single bound. Superwoman I am not; human Amy, I am.

In the busyness of your life, purposefully take time for Abba; the one who created you. If your running on empty and feel depleted, maybe it’s because your lifeline to God has been pinched off or disconnected. Seek God and ask him for a fresh connection to him. He likes to hear from his children. May you be blessed! I am praying for you!