Tag Archives: reflection

AND… JUST HOW DO I DO THAT?

I am in a season of exploring, reflecting, and seeking God’s healing and restoration in my own life. Maybe you are in a similar season?

I have come to realize that as ‘good Christian people’ we have been told several things that we are to do in order to live the life that God had planned for us when He created us. We are told things like ‘Just give it to Jesus,’ or Just leave it at the Cross.’ Are you familiar with these directives? They are great advice! I am not knocking them; however, it has occurred to me that these directives don’t usually come with the ‘How To’s’ to actually accomplish these directives. I will not pretend to think or give the impression that I have this all figured out but I have learned a few things from Scripture and some people with more knowledge than I possess. While I was sharing these things with a great friend of mine, she shared with me that ‘this sounds like a good book.’ I have decided that I would speed up the process and share it in a post.

JUST GIVE IT TO JESUS or JUST LEAVE IT AT THE CROSS

I can’t tell you how many times I have given things over to Jesus only to have them crop back up in my life; even if it wasn’t me reeling it back in. The same can be said for things that I have left at the Cross. I will admit that in my humanness I have reeled some issues back in because I felt the urge to ‘take care of it on my own.’ Of course, it didn’t work out. But for the things that I sincerely handed over to God, I struggled to understand why I would keep having to deal with them over and over. I decided that I want to shag these things and be FREE to move forward in my walk with God. A wise friend shared with me that when we try to just hand it over to Jesus we are missing some important steps. I need to allow myself to enter into the wound/event and lament over whatever it was that happened and then allow myself to feel the emotions and allow my emotions to teach me something. It’s helpful to journal about these things; pouring out my heart on the pages and crying out to God with all the things that I am feeling and experiencing. For me to cut the process short and just give it all to Jesus, I am missing an important step in my healing and strengthening. In pouring it all out, I invite Jesus into my stuff; my pain; my experience, and I ask Him to speak to me in this space. I imagine the space and look for Jesus in the space. I ask Him to reveal to me what He wants me to see, hear, and/or know in that moment. It’s also good for me to seek out what I have believed about myself because of this experience; what lie have I believed? What vow have I made because of this lie? What have I said I would never do or would always do because of this lie that I have believed? Now I want to seek and accept the Truth that God says about me after I release the lies that I have believed to Him. Example: When I am struggling, I say out loud: “I am a created chosen loved adopted redeemed restored daughter of the Most High God! This is Truth and it pours steel into my spine. You should try it; unless you are a man, then please say son instead of daughter. Lol. I am a visual person so when I move into handing my stuff over to Jesus, I literally visualize placing it into His hands or His huge dump truck, so that He can haul it away and dispose of it. Note: This is a very abridged version so please pardon the lack of step by step details.

For those who prefer bullet points:

*Allow yourself to feel your emotions and lament them.

*Journal about your feelings; cry out to God and write everything on your heart and mind. NOTE: If you are concerned about someone reading it, pray over what you’ve written and then destroy it.

*Invite Jesus into the event/experience/wound; ask Him to share with you what He wants you to know in that moment.

*Seek out what you have believed because of this event/experience/wound; what lies have you believed; and what vows have you made because of this event/experience/wound?

*Release the lies to Jesus and accept the Truth that He speaks to you.

*Hand it all over to Jesus or throw it in His huge dump truck and ask Him to take it away from you.

#InnerHealing

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REFLECTIONS

Reflecting on the celebrations of the Fourth of July look a little different for my family than other families. I have heard several times Happy Fourth or Happy Independence Day! While I celebrate the blessings of living in a ‘free’ land, I also grieve the loss of my son on this day. It’s with mixed emotions that I venture into this day. I am so grateful for my independence as a citizen of the USA and I am; at the same time, sad for the missing part of my family and grateful that I can know that Tad’s in the presence of our Heavenly Father and not spending eternity separate from Him. I hate that I can’t be with Tad and I miss him more than I can speak; however, truly he has always been God’s son first and mine second so I am thankful for the 22 short years that I had the privilege of being his mom. Of course, there were times when I really wanted to string him up by his toes because he pushed me to my breaking point; but I still loved him with all my heart.

Tad liked to live on the edge; of what, I don’t know but always on the edge. He loved much. He liked to make people laugh. And he always helped me to not take myself so seriously. Boy, I miss his hugs. (I know, random thought.) Anyway, grieving the loss of my son has been a journey in so many ways. I have seen God work in more ways than I could ever imagine. I have had people pray for me that I have never met. I have experienced a pain like no other pain I have ever experienced before; and at the same time, a love like no other because it comes from my Abba Father. Grief is a wild ride.

The reason that I share all of this today is because today; the Fourth of July 2022, marks eight years since my Tad went to be with the Lord because of a motorcycle accident. The day began with a celebration of my husband’s birthday. His birthday is July third and he had to work on that day so we; as a family, celebrated on the fourth. God blessed us with a fun day of playing with Emmett at the ‘frog park’; as he called it, and then we went shopping together. My husband took his Harley out for a ride while our kids and I made his favorite meal. After dinner, Tad went for a ride himself on his dad’s Harley. When he left for that ride, it was the last time we saw him. As anyone who has experienced something like this knows, the details of such days tend to be forever implanted in your mind. Sometimes they get a little jumbled, but they are there. Tad’s son Emmett was three years old when he lost his daddy. It’s been a journey for him as well. Emmett is now 11 years old and is so much like his dad. I know that Tad would be so proud of the man that he is becoming!

Emmett and I have had some interesting conversations where he shares with me his thoughts on things of life and I felt it fitting for him to share from his perspective.

Question: What do you wish people understood about what it’s like to be a young person whose lost his dad at a young age?

Emmett: It’s not easy only having one parent especially when the one that died was your best friend and the only one left you don’t really get along with.

Question: How is life without a dad to guide you through life?

Emmett: It can be hard at times. Sometimes I think it’s not fair. But I always remember this is all part of God perfect plan.

While the people around us celebrate with fireworks and parades, we just work to get through the day and remember how blessed we are for the loved ones that we still have with us today. One of the things that makes me smile is remembering how Tad would have been happy that he went to Heaven with a bang because fireworks were happening in the area of his accident. This may seem like a strange thing to smile about, unless you knew Tad.

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