My anticipation had been building for the day I set aside to spend with God. I had nothing planned. No agenda. No schedule. No priority except being completely present with God. The day finally arrived. What would the day be like, I wondered. In the past, my times alone with God had consisted of long walks, sitting out on the patio, or sitting at my desk with a pen in hand or fingers on my keyboard.
This day seemed different from the start. My times alone with God were usually when my feet were the only ones to be wandering through the house. This time, my grandson’s feet joined me. The challenge of this go-round was how. How do I spend alone time with God while also spending time with my teenage grandson. Which I had not spent much time with in recent months. So my question was posed to God. “How do I do this, Lord? I want so desperately to truly be in your presence. I want to connect with you in a fresh way. I just don’t know how to do that with someone else in the house. I want to put you first God. I also want to spend time with my grandson and show him love. I wish to show him how to carve out time for God above all else. Father, I just don’t know how to do this. Please help me.”
I started the day by being honest with my grandson about my desire to be with God and the importance of it. How I need to put God first. And how I truly wanted to be with him as well. Thankfully; as a teenager, he can entertain himself for long periods of time. I still struggled; feeling that if I were focused solely on God, I was abandoning my loved one. And when I focused on my grandson, I felt that I was being disobedient to God.
What increased my struggle was the early return home of my husband. Now there were two loved ones I felt a need to focus on and my desire to connect with God. My soul cried out in my chest. Why can’t I figure this out? Why is it so hard to spend time with God? And why can’t I just speak what I need? They will understand. I knew one problem was that I don’t want to let anyone down or be selfish in putting my desire ahead of those I love.
My day was anything but what I expected. I was able to read through a few of my studies and spend some time in prayer. In the midst of my reading, I had multiple text messages and phone calls and visits from a wonderful teenager. My focus was low, my anxiety high, and my frustration mounting. I desperately wanted a fresh connection with God. Why is this so hard? This thought became my constant companion throughout the whole day.
Later in the day, I contemplated what I was going to share for a Bible Study message I was going to give the following day. God led me to John 15:1-17 (NIV) ““I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. 3 You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4 Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8 This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.
9 “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10 If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. 11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. 17 This is my command: Love each other.”
Thinking over this passage and what I was going to share about it led me to a special realization. God had answered my prayer of wanting a fresh connection with him. Studying the John 15 passage brought out how in this current age, with all the distractions and responsibilities we each have, it takes extra effort to stay connected to God. Jesus is the vine and we are the branches. Our nourishment comes through abiding in our Messiah. For our souls to be fed, we have to do the work of purposefully grabbing hold of our Lord. In the midst of the busyness, the distractions, the people we are to show love, it requires a determination to focus our attention on our relationship with God.
I know that there is so much more to this passage and the message Holy Spirit is speaking to me through it; however, I think this is enough for now. Let’s not make things any more complicated than they already are. I like to take things one or two steps at a time, not leap over small buildings with a single bound. Superwoman I am not; human Amy, I am.
In the busyness of your life, purposefully take time for Abba; the one who created you. If your running on empty and feel depleted, maybe it’s because your lifeline to God has been pinched off or disconnected. Seek God and ask him for a fresh connection to him. He likes to hear from his children. May you be blessed! I am praying for you!
The truth is: The journey of gut-level knowledge and acceptance of our worth as a child of God, is a real struggle.
“We look at ourselves in the mirror multiple times a day. There’s the mirror in the bathroom that says the makeup looks good, the hair is in place, and that shirt matches the sweater. There are mirrors at the gym that tell us we’re making progress-or that we’ve got a long way to go.
But it’s not just physical mirrors that are powerful. We each have mirrors within us:
The mirror of a little boy looking up and catching his mom’s first reaction of disappointment.
The mirror of going to middle school, thinking, Wow, I really look cool in this new outfit, and then realizing three minutes later in the hallway that you not only don’t look cool but people are laughing at you.
The mirror of disapproval from a spouse.
The mirror of a boss who says, “You don’t measure up.”
The mirror of a coach or teacher who said you were dumb or lazy.
The mirror of the media that says if you don’t have a perfect body, you’re not acceptable.
These mirrors create a composite picture in our minds and tell us who we are.” Chip Ingram stops there; however, I’m adding that these mirrors also inform the way we view our worth and can foster self-doubt.
Our family of origin, teachers, coaches, and others close to us have a powerful influence on how worthwhile we see ourselves.
Their influences can lead us to see our gifts and abilities.
They can inspire us positively.
Or, their influences can be a source of feelings of insecurity, inferiority, self doubt, or superiority.
Consciously, or unconsciously, we may believe that our value comes from what we can do instead of who we are.
These feelings can lead to unhealthy habits; such as, withdrawing to avoid rejection or overachieving to prove everyone wrong.
We may try to medicate the pain with alcohol, drugs, sex, retail therapy, food, social media, or anything else that may seem to fill the void.
Or, we may give in to living with unfulfilled longings for acceptance and significance.
The journey of gut-level knowledge and acceptance of our worth as a child of God, is a real struggle.
In Luke chapter 8 verses 42b-48, there’s a story about a woman who likely battled over ten years with self-doubt and longings for acceptance and significance. Luke writes:
“As Jesus was on his way, the crowds almost crushed him. 43 And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years, but no one could heal her. 44 She came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak, and immediately her bleeding stopped.
45 “Who touched me?” Jesus asked.
When they all denied it, Peter said, “Master, the people are crowding and pressing against you.”
46 But Jesus said, “Someone touched me; I know that power has gone out from me.”
47 Then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at his feet. In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed. 48 Then he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.”
In an instant, the woman went from battling a condition that left her isolated and labeled as unclean. She was forbidden to touch anyone; or anything that belonged to another. The mirrors she looked into told her she was alone, unclean, unacceptable, unworthy. And there was nothing she could do about it. But wait. She had heard enough about this Jesus of Nazareth and believed he could heal her with just a touch of the hem of his garment. In my mind, I’m wondering about her inner dialogue as she saw Jesus and her opportunity for healing so close to her. It could have sounded like:
“They call me unclean. They reject me. My own family won’t come near me. What if Jesus rejects me as well? What if I touch him and nothing changes? What if, what if? I have to push past this. I have to push past what they say about me. I have to try. I know he can heal me. I’m going for it..now.”
In an instant she was healed and Jesus drew her out of the crowd. It was worth being called out by Jesus because she knew in an instant that she was accepted, loved, healed. The journey to that point was long and difficult. Can you relate to any of her story?
The journey of gut-level knowledge and acceptance of our worth as a child of God, is a real struggle.
Have you ever struggled with self-doubt? You’re not alone. I’m on the journey with you.
So, how do we get from self-doubt or feeling worth-less to gut-level knowledge and acceptance of our worth in Christ? I believe our next step is looking past our self-doubt.
Chip Ingram shares in his book ‘Discover Your True Self,’ “Few of us realize it, but much of what we do is an effort to prove our significance, to show that we are important, valuable, competent, or accepted.
Different cultures and families come up with different ways to answer these questions, but the human race as a whole has been brainwashed to believe our significance is not found in who we are but in what we do and what others think about us. We are on a universal search to answer a universal question: Am I worth it?”
God placed within our stories a need to know that we matter, that we are valuable, and worthwhile.
When the mirrors that we have looked into tell us anything but God’s Truth of our worth, our perspective becomes distorted and can lead us into unhealthy habits. These habits can lead to struggles and addictions.
To answer the question, Am I worth it, we may look to one or more of the following:
Success in our careers, achievements, awards, promotions, positions, or through our children’s achievements.
We may look to educational titles, money or wealth, possessions, image or reputation, knowing the ‘right’ people, popularity, or ministry service to God.
Compulsion to perfectionism may come from our need for success and approval. Or, we may withdraw to avoid failure.
Several beliefs can come out of the lie that we are worth-less or insignificant.
One such belief is that of avoiding failure at all costs or believing it’s better to not try than to try and fail.
Another is that we have to work harder and longer to be a success so that we aren’t a failure.
We may believe that if people really know us, they will reject us.
Another belief is that we are a prisoner of the opinions of the important, influential people in our life. With this, we may believe that disagreeing with these people will harm our relationship irreparably, so we attempt to please everyone which creates an unhealthy lifestyle.
Did you recognize ways that you have sought to answer the question, ‘Am I worth it?’
Looking past the mirror of our self-doubt and to the words of Isaiah 43, we learn a part of what God says about how much his children are worth to him.
1 “But now, this is what the Lord says— he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. 2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. 3 For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush and Seba in your stead. 4 Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life. 5 Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west. 6 I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’ and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’ Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth— 7 everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.” 15 I am the Lord, your Holy One, Israel’s Creator, your King.”
16 This is what the Lord says— he who made a way through the sea, a path through the mighty waters, 17 who drew out the chariots and horses, the army and reinforcements together, and they lay there, never to rise again, extinguished, snuffed out like a wick: 18 “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. 19 See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. 20 The wild animals honor me, the jackals and the owls, because I provide water in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland, to give drink to my people, my chosen, 21 the people I formed for myself that they may proclaim my praise.
Let’s go back to verses 1-3a. This time we are going to personalize the passage to bring it closer to our own hearts. Read the passage aloud. When you get to Jacob, I want you to say your name. Then when you get to Israel, I want you to say ‘daughter or son.’ As we read this, envision your Abba or Daddy saying this to you personally.
1 “But now, this is what the Lord says— he who created you, _________, he who formed you, Daughter/Son: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. 2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. 3 For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
To look past our self-doubt requires us to know and accept what our Father says about us. We are his.
The journey of gut-level knowledge and acceptance of our worth as a child of God, is a real struggle. It’s important to look past our self doubt… to look at God and his plan for you.
How do we look AT God? How can we know his plan for us? The answers to both of these questions are: read, study, meditate on his Word, and pray.
God’s Word teaches us about him. Through his Word, we learn many things about the Lord’s name and character.
He is our Creator, Provider, Redeemer, Peace, Righteousness, Rock, Refuge, Fortress, King, Abba Father, Healer, Sanctifier, Shepherd, Lord. He sees all things. He knows all things. He exists outside of time so he can be in our past, our present, and our future. He is Jehovah Shammah, our Lord who is there. And he’s so much more.
God’s Word teaches us about ourselves. And it teaches us how much we are worth to God. I will let his Word speak…
Revelation 4:11 NIV “You are worthy, our Lord and God,to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were createdand have their being.”
Psalm 139:13-16 NIV. “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place,when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”
2 Chronicles 32:8 NIV “With him is only the arm of flesh, but with us is the Lord our God to help us and to fight our battles.” And the people gained confidence from what Hezekiah the king of Judah said.”
Isaiah 41:10 NIV “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you;I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Psalm 34:5 NIV “Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.
Philippians 1:6 NIV “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:13 NIV “I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”
Hebrews 10:35-36 NIV “35 So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. 36 You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.”
Ephesians 2:10 NLT “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.”
I want to tell you a story about a little girl. She was the younger of two sisters. She grew up encapsulated in fears and relied on her big sister for a lot. Being only 14 months younger than her sibling, she was always attached to her sister’s side. This precious little girl was fearful because of the mirrors that spoke to her as she grew up.
One mirror told her she would never measure up.
One mirror told her that she always did something wrong so deserved punishment.
One mirror said she was worth less than her older sister.
There were so many mirrors that told lies to her. She grew to believe the lies because the mirrors kept speaking the same things to her.
This little girl grew into a young lady that made many decisions based on the lies she believed from her childhood. She was convinced that no guy would want to marry her because of how horrible she was.
Insecurity plagued her. She was terrified to talk to people, especially the male persuasion. As a teenager she discovered that drinking alcohol gave her courage to talk to people. It also helped her to loosen up so she could have fun. Unfortunately, alcohol also made it even easier for her to go too far with guys she dated. Her fears would kick in and she couldn’t find the courage to say ‘no’ to guys when they wanted to explore her body.
This led to habits she grew to regret and a relationship that just led to feeling even worse about herself.
Fast forward several years. After getting married and having a couple of kids, this young gal found herself knowing she needed to get back to church. Finally understanding what God had to do with her, she began to realize the lies she believed for so many years and where they came from. Over the course of many years God used many people and resources to help this daughter to see him more clearly and to see herself more clearly. She has come a long way on her journey. She still struggles sometimes. She doesn’t have it all together, but who does? She’s still fighting the battle because it doesn’t end this side of Heaven. However, she now knows whose and who she is and that gives her the courage to keep moving toward God and the plan he has for her life.
I am very familiar with this gal’s story because it is mine.
Deep down, I’m still that little girl that was fed lies. Only now, God has armed me with his truth to combat those lies. I am on the journey to gut-level knowledge and acceptance of my worth in Christ.
Will you join me on the journey?
The journey of gut-level knowledge and acceptance of our worth as a child of God, is a real struggle. God told me, “Look past your self-doubt. Instead, look at me and what I have planned for you.”
The mirrors that have spoken lies to us through the years have contributed to our believing that we don’t measure up, we are somehow worth-less, and therefore doubting ourselves.
For more of the story contact Amy at: soulcarecoach.amy@gmail.com
Recently I had this image of a beautiful garden. There was an array of colors and types of plants and flowers. What made this garden different from any other was that God revealed to me this garden is within my heart, not in my yard. As I began to contemplate what God was trying to show me, I looked out at my backyard. I am a very visual person. Looking out at my outdoor flowerbed, I could gain a clearer image of this garden the Lord was showing me. Colorful flowers. Weeds. Grass. All these things are found in the flowerbed in my yard. My thoughts drifted deeper into what this garden image could mean. I’m all about mental pictures and examples that help me to understand concepts and also be able to share with others.
Our creator God (Elohim), is extraordinarily creative; not only when He created all things in the beginning, He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. This means He is still extraordinarily creative now. In God’s revelations to me, He shares mental pictures and illustrations to go along with them. This garden in my heart is no different. Our Creator shared with me that He plants (Jezreel) seeds of beautiful fragrant flowers and varying plants in my heart. The enemy comes along and plants weed seeds and destructive plants in my heart. However, I can’t place all the blame on the enemy because I sometimes allow these seeds to be planted or even dig the ground up and plant them myself. At times, the destructive plants have been placed there by someone else and I had no say in it. All is not lost! God is the Master Gardener. He can uproot any weed, any destructive plant. Some keys to the garden becoming free of the weeds and destructive plants is for me to invite the Master Gardener to enter my garden and give Him access to every aspect of it. I have to allow Him the freedom and unlimited access to every seed, flower, plant, weed, and blade of grass growing in my garden. Even the ones that I don’t like but have grown so used to having there, I don’t think I know how to live without them. Even the hefty destructive plants with the thick roots that grow down very deep.
God, my Master Gardener knows the plan for my garden. He has always known the plan and can see the beautiful lush garden that will be when the pruning, weeding, and yanking is complete. I need only to trust in The Creator’s plan. When I was born, my Heavenly Father had already planted the seeds of love, joy, peace, compassion, grace, mercy, forgiveness, redemption, and restoration in my heart. He has entrusted the care and growth of the seeds to first my parents and then to me. I can choose to allow the weeds and destructive plants that exist in my heart garden or I can relinquish control to the One who created my heart.
What about you? Besides the lovely things the Creator planted in your heart, what else has been planted there? What are you willing to allow the Master Gardener do in your heart garden so that it can become what He created it to be? Have you invited Him into that space? Have you given Him freedom and access to prune, weed, and yank out whatever He deems necessary? You are loved by the Creator of your heart! Because you are created in the image of God, you are worthy to be called a child of God; all you need to do is invite Him into your life and accept His forgiveness as you admit to Him that you have sinned by allowing the weeds to be planted in your heart and also planted some there yourself. He’s running toward you! Will you meet your Heavenly Father in the garden of your heart?
“to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” (Isaiah 61:2b-3a NIV)
My best Christmas memory could also be my most difficult. It was Christmas of 2014. On July 4th that year my son was taken from us when the motorcycle he was driving was hit by a young man who accidentally ran a red light.
We struggled as we prepared for the Christmas season. Buying gifts for each other and our family seemed to be a good distraction for my husband and I. Our daughter had always wanted an electric guitar, so we bought her one. My husband had always wanted to learn how to play the bass, so I secretly bought him a bass. For our little grandson, a child’s cajon. My only request was to learn how to play the cajon. Somewhere in the process of purchasing all of these musical instruments I realized that God was showing us how He was taking the pain of our loss and making music. Jesus was giving us the beauty of music as we gave Him the ashes of our pain.
Sometime during the holiday season, God impressed upon me a strong desire to purchase a basket filled with snacks that were some of my son’s favorites; this was to be delivered Christmas morning to the young man who had hit our son. I just knew God wanted us to do this; why, I didn’t know. I also didn’t know just how much peace I would experience through this simple act.
Even through the pain of loss, this was a most precious Christmas.
It was a Monday morning. I woke up with a sense of overwhelming sadness that I couldn’t seem to shake. One of those days that I felt that I was holding back a damn of tears that could break of its own accord at any minute. Why I felt that way, I really couldn’t figure out. Even with these feelings, I plunged forward with my plans to meet a great friend of mine for brunch. I had not seen her in person in a long time and knew that our visit would change my perspective. I muddled through my normal morning routine and headed out the door to make the 35 minute drive to our agreed upon restaurant. I was truly looking forward to our conversation and time together.
Before pulling out of my driveway, I set Google Maps on my phone so the kind voice could direct me to the exact location. I knew the area of the restaurant but had never been to the establishment so I wasn’t positive of exactly where it was. I noticed I was getting close to the address when the voice on my phone told me to turn left and that I had arrived. The problem was that I didn’t see the large sign with the name on it that would reveal to me where I was to turn into the parking lot. So I did what; I think, most people would do, I pulled into the nearest parking lot on the same side of the ride as the business I was looking for; this was so that I could look at the map and have that kind voice redirect me to the correct location. Pulling into the parking lot of a recreational vehicle dealership, I sensed something not quite right with my truck but thought maybe I was being over-reactive. I found a spot to park to see where I had missed the restaurant and reprogram my Google Map so the voice could redirect me. Thinking that I was good to go, I backed out of where I stopped, put my truck into drive, and began to turn my steering wheel to enter back onto the busy road. To my dismay, I had little ability to steer my truck. I attempted to turn the wheels to the left, only to find that they only turned slightly and I was headed straight toward a curb. Fortunately, my brakes worked well and I was able to stop, back up, and move forward to a wide open parking spot on the other side of the curb that I almost hit. Once I got the truck into a spot-ish, I shut off the truck and began to make new plans. No, not really! That damn broke that held back the tears and I balled like a baby for a minute and then I semi composed myself and called my friend to let her know of my situation. She was relatively close to my location and said that she would pick me up. Great! I could get to the restaurant. Now to figure out what to do about my truck? It’s good to know that I am an internal processer and thinking fast on my feet isn’t a gift that I have been blessed with. I am thankful that my husband has been blessed with that gift of being able to think fast and is great at handling crisis situations. Knowing this, I called my hubby to let him know about my wounded truck and see how I should handle this ‘crisis.’
My husband was working but was very happy to help me out and take charge of the situation. Now it is also good to know that I’m not a big baby and I can handle things if I must. God always provides what I need, when I need it; and in this situation, He provided me with my awesome husband to call a wrecker to take my wounded truck home and my friend that came to pick me up and treated me to great brunch conversation and some needed food.
Soon after I finished my conversation with my knight in shining armor; a.k.a. my husband, my friend arrived and off we went to the restaurant. I was literally within walking distance of the place. It was only two businesses away from where I was. Well, now I know exactly where it is. 🙂
My time with my friend was exactly what I needed!
During our brunch, my husband called to let me know that a wrecker would be at my truck soon to pick it up. He asked me if I was going to ride to our house in the wrecker. My response was something like, “I don’t know the wrecker driver, I’m not riding with someone I don’t know.” A friend of ours owns the wrecker company and I know them but I didn’t even know the name of the gentleman picking up my truck so; in my mind, it was more ‘safe’ to spend the afternoon with my friend until my hubby could drive his chariot/truck to her house to get me. Another note, that would mean that he would have to drive an hour one way to pick me up after he put in a full day of work. To me; at that time, this made the most sense. I did mention that I don’t really think fast unless God helps me out. Not an excuse, just my reality. Anyway, so my husband said that he would come and get me after he got out of work. I’m thinking great, I get to spend the day with my friend instead of just an hour or so for brunch!
The wrecker driver was going to call me when he arrived at my truck so that I could give him the keys and such. We were finishing up our food and waiting for the bill when I got the call. It was after that that my friend asked me to consider riding in the wrecker back to my house. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to spend the day with me and I knew that. When she asked me to consider this, I knew that I should do just that. You see, my friend is very attune to Holy Spirit speaking to her and I know that if she suggests something, it’s probably a message she has heard from God. Considering this, I realized that I truly needed to shift my perspective. Up until she asked me to think on riding in the wrecker, I was operating out of fear and wanting to stay ‘safe.’ Her ask helped me to shift my thinking to, “Amy, you’re a pastor and this is a perfect opportunity to minister to this guy driving the wrecker.”
My friend and I left the restaurant and she drove me back to where my truck was parked. She waited for me to let her know if I was going to ride along in the wrecker or go home with her. I approached the driver and gave him the usual driver’s license, insurance, and my keys so that he could get my truck loaded up on the flatbed of his wrecker. Instantly, I was not fearful and I knew that I was riding to my house in that truck, with this young man that I didn’t know. The driver asked me if I knew where I wanted the truck parked at my house and if I would be riding with him. I found myself telling him that I would be riding with him and could tell him where to park it when we got there. As he loaded my truck, I went back to my friend and told her that I would be riding with him. She mentioned to me that I was to share with him about my son; and choking back tears, I said okay I would. I gave her a hug, she left, and I climbed into the wrecker.
SIDEBAR: For those that are unaware of the details of my son; he was killed on my husband’s/his dad’s motorcycle on July 4th, 2014. He was 22 years old and left behind a then three year old son. You can read more about my son in past blog posts at: hopestable.home.blog.
Immediately I felt comforted in the cab of the wrecker because it was very similar to the cab of my husband’s truck. I asked God to please give me the words to say to this young man…… and He did just that. This type of conversation is outside of my wheelhouse and comfort zone but I was determined to be obedient where I felt God leading. I can’t tell you every word that was said because frankly I can’t remember them; however, I can tell you that there were three in that cab that day, the driver, God, and myself. The way that I knew that God rode with us is because of me asking some very basic general questions, I found out that this young man was in seventh grade with my son. He was ‘the new kid’ because of a move from another area, and my son was one of the few kids that would talk to him in gym class. He shared with me a memory that he had of my son and it warmed my heart to hear it. I shared with this young man how my son had died in a motorcycle accident and I knew that without God I couldn’t have made it through. I felt for him as he told me that this was the second incidence where he found out someone he went to school with had died on a motorcycle some time before he had heard about it. God showed me; and I think this young man, how He truly is present and shows us this reality in little to big ways.
I really don’t think that there are words in the English language that could truly express the experience that I had that day that my truck broke down. I knew that I was in the presence of God and I wanted to bask in it all day long. Truly, after I arrived home and the wrecker drove away, I couldn’t do anything but sit on my porch and stare in awe of God for probably an hour or more.
God-incidences:
The tie rod went out on the passenger side front of my truck. It could have been a much larger and more expensive fix. If this would have broken on the road instead of in a parking lot, I could have been in an accident.
The wrecker driver that came to get my truck went to seventh grade with my son and knew him and shared something with me about my son that I didn’t know but was proud of him for.
I was able to share some of my faith with a young man. #PlantASeed #HolyBoldness.
Even though a couple other things; one of them a big deal, happened that same day, I could feel God’s Hand on my day and fear didn’t consume me!
A couple years ago I was having a conversation with my dad while we were driving around the countryside where he grew up; and subsequently where I grew up, and he shared with me how it bothered him that no one ever held family reunions anymore. I agreed with him and I still agree with him. I have noticed over the past thirty years how there’s been a slow fade away from all things family, including extended family reunions. Our culture’s focus has increasingly become all about the ‘ME’ and forgetting about the ‘WE’ of family. Some family units choose to ‘go off the grid’ and separate themselves from the hustle and bustle of busyness and that’s okay; I’m not judging or criticizing. Some family units choose to blend into the hurried lifestyle of going from this thing to the next and to the next thing; again, no judgement or criticism. Some balance themselves somewhere in between the two extremes. It seems to me that the majority of people tend to keep to themselves, even when it comes to those that share the same household. In an age where there are so many ways to connect and communicate, I have noticed that people connect less now than they did even twenty years ago. This seems to have happened overnight; however, it’s been happening for a very long time, it’s accelerated, yes but it has been happening over probably fifty years or more.
Our Creator God formed man in His image. He is a very relational God that is in oneness with His Son Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Our God is a God of unity, community, and connectedness. We were created in this image and when we veer from God’s original plan for us, all things go haywire and wonky. We were not created for isolation. We were not created for me kingdomship. We were not created to keep others at a distance. We were created from an image of oneness, connection, and community. When we stray away from these attributes, we encounter depression, division, discontentment, and probably many other ‘d’ words. I am not saying that I know all things and I have all the answers; this would be a big fat lie; I am on this journey of life with everyone else, I am just speaking my observations, thoughts, and concerns. Yes, I am concerned because I have young grand children that are growing up in this disconnection and chaos and I am praying for a world that’s drawing near to God’s original plan and not away from it. I believe that God allows us to see these things to be change agents for the future by using the gifts and abilities that He has bestowed upon us for ‘such a time as this.’ So… I seek my part in changing toward connection, community, and unity of the family and then make one step at a time in the right direction for my own family and pray that it will have a ripple effect. I also write about these things in hopes that others will see and understand and then be a change agent in their own sphere of influence.
What does this look like for me? I am glad you asked! After that drive with my dad that I shared at the beginning, my dad walked through the journey of passing from this earth to eternity. In the end hours of my dad’s life here on earth, my cousin, and I talked about this conversation that I had with my dad and we decided that if anyone was going to get ‘the family’ together for reunions, it’s up to our generation because our parents are getting up in years and a couple have passed already; like my dad. I believe that God has laid this burden on our hearts because He has a purpose in all of this for us. Now, I have never been one to organize family events or try to get family members together. Truth be told, growing up I never felt like I belonged in my family and have spent my adult life pretty separated from extended family because I felt that ‘they’ really weren’t interested in being in my life. That; my friends, is a lie! In organizing our first family reunion last year, I spent time talking with my cousin and got to know him better. Turns out that as we were growing up neither one of us truly knew the struggles of the other; we just believed that life was how it appeared from a distance. Since that first reunion, my husband and I have spent time with my cousin and his wife and are building a great friendship. Praise God! Not only that, but in organizing our second reunion this year, I am learning more about my extended family members that I never knew; including the names of their kids, and growing in other relationships as well. Praise God!
For years I believed it was better; and the way of life, to just do our own thing and not take the time to get to know my extended family. What a lie!!! I am so thankful to God for His opening my eyes to the blessings and purpose of being connected and in community with family; extended or otherwise. I am still learning much and have a ways to go before I will offer advice on the ‘how to’s’ but I am glad to be on this journey and thankful that I get to be a part of God’s working in returning the family to it’s proper place of importance.
NOTE: I am in no way advising anyone to stay in a household or with extended family members that are unsafe or highly toxic. I want people to have proper safety boundaries in their family relationships; where it is safe to do so, I pray for restoration of families. We also have a great God that has the ability to create the world and everything in it; so… I know that He has the ability to make all things new and restore all that is broken. Praise God! May He restore, rebuild, resurrect, refocus, redeem, and return the importance of Family, even if it means that our church family is that family for us.
Lately, I have been considering what we; as human beings, take onto ourselves that really isn’t our responsibility. As parents, we tend to take on everything that is attached to our children; this is expected when they are little and unable to do for themselves, but when they become older and are able to do more for themselves it’s time for us to ‘let go’ and allow them; even push them, to do things for themselves even if they stumble or fail. Am I preaching on this? Maybe or maybe it’s just that I have lived this for myself and have learned the hard way; as we humans tend to do, that because out of love for my kids I did so many things for them, I actually handicapped them from learning how to stand on their own two feet and do for themselves. This led to my kids relying on; even expecting, that I would just do much for them that is actually their responsibility as an adult, a spouse, and a parent. My intent was to love them and do all I could for them because I wanted to be the ‘perfect’ mom. While my heart was in a good place, my choices and actions were misguided. In looking at the definition of a helicopter parent, I would say that I was one. Now, I can say that I am recovering from that; however, the damage is done. It is said that a helicopter parent is involved in every area of a child’s life out of the desire to give them all the things that they lacked in their own childhood or the fear of dire consequences, among other possible motivations. This is understandable and I believe that it is done with a heart of love; however, the outcomes for the child may not so loving.
Some negative outcomes to helicopter parenting are:
It can lead to poor coping and problem-solving skills.
It can results in a poor sense of self; low self-confidence and a low self esteem, and therefore lead to various mental health conditions.
The child can develop a sense of entitlement; that the parent(s) will always provide for all of their needs.
The child may develop lower patience levels and higher frustration bars.
“Well that is not it! Keeping your child under your surveillance 24/7 and protecting them in a small shell with no interaction with the world, accompanes various other issues. The chances of kids with helicopter parents developing signs and symptoms of depression and anxiety is higher when compared to those who practice other parenting styles. Some of the underlying reasons that explains this link between helicopter parenting and depression and anxiety are:
Nervousness to make decisions on their own.
Less chances of being open to new ideas makes them self-conscious.
The fear of failure becomes overwhelming.
Difficulty identifying what truly drives them makes them question themselves.
Of course there’s good that comes from being a helicopter parent as well.
These parents are always aware of what is going on with their kids.
If there’s something that needs to be addressed and resolved, they tend to take care of it.
Children of helicopter parents tend to feel loved and wanted.
With the maternal support, these kids tend to develop socially acceptable behavior.
These kiddos tend to excel emotionally and academically in their lives.
I don’t know if others have coined this term or not; but I have seen a parenting style emerge that I call a curler parent. In the sport of curling “Curlers sweep the ice to help the stone travel farther and straighter. Sweeping in front of the stone reduces friction and helps the curlers control the amount of curl the stone undergoes. The sweeping quickly heats and melts the pebbles on the ice leaving a film of water. This film reduces the friction between the stone and ice. The curling team is strategic in how much sweeping they do in front of each stone. If they want a stone to travel farther with less curl, they sweep more. If they want more curl or shorter travel, they do less sweeping. The position of the sweepers is also strategic. The sweeper closer to the stone has more influence because the stone has more time to travel over the water film before it re-freezes. Curling is the only sport where you can change the direction of a projectile once it leaves the thrower’s hand.” (according to the Smithsonian Science Education Center)
This reminds me of the times that I tried to look ahead and smooth their path so that they wouldn’t have a rough time in whatever they were experiencing. I; out of love and a misguided sense of parenting, thought that it was being a good mom if I made sure to make things easier for them. I thought I was helping them by making sure their path was smooth and they didn’t have to experience hurt and heartache. In hindsight, I really wish that I understand thirty-something years ago how wrong my thoughts of parenting were and looked more to how God parents His children. I now see and understand that the best we can do as parents is to provide protection for them that is conducive to their growth and development and empower them to make choices and decisions that are age appropriate; and then allow them to suffer the natural consequences that occur with the choices that they make. Parenting our children has different phases and stages and they are dependent on the age and situation that our kids are in. When they are infants, they rely on us for all things; that is expected. As they grow into toddlers, they need our support, encouragement, and nudge to reach each new developmental step of physical, emotional, and spiritual growth. As they begin to be able to comprehend consequences to choices at the age of three, it is appropriate to start to give them small choices like do you want to wear this or that; our would you like to each an orange or an apple. If there’s consequences to these choices, it’s okay for them to be uncomfortable as they venture through them; we need to not give into their discomfort, they will be okay. As kiddos grow and the decisions grow, we need to make sure that we are releasing them to make bigger, more age appropriate decisions and continue to let them be uncomfortable through the consequences. As they get into teenage years, our kiddos need us to be their coach and cheerleader and disciplinarian when warranted. The foundation is laid for these years as they grow from infancy. Once they are teens, the time to parent them as we used to has changed and it is a necessary change for moving on into adulthood. As a parent of adult children, I have looked back and learned much from the way I parented my two kids and the ways that I wished that I had done things differently. One thing that I don’t regret is that my kids; and now my grandkids, have no doubt in their minds that I love them and all that I do for them is out of the love that I have for them. Whether or not I have made right choices in how I parented my kids, I pray that all the things that I have learned through the years will be a benefit to others that come after me as parents. Parenting is one of the hardest things in this life; the best way to go through it is to handle it with God and with much prayer!
I have recently been reading through the Book of Exodus with fresh eyes and what I have encountered is another facet of the journey from God calling Moses to lead His people out of Egypt until the establishment of the Tabernacle; basically the whole book of Exodus. I have been contemplating sharing these thoughts for a couple of months now and today feel drawn to put them in type and share.
God is in control at all times! He will defeat all other gods!
God is patient!
The plagues in Egypt were not only for Pharaoh’s sake, but also for the Israelites. The Israelites; God’s people, had been under the reign of Egypt for a long time; long enough for Joseph to be forgotten by Egyptian rulers, maybe even the people of God. The Exodus generation had been fully raised and immersed in the Egyptian culture; even if they were still worshipping God, it is likely that they were also influenced by the Egyptian gods and culture.
God heard the cry of His people and knew what needed to happen for their freedom. I believe that the Israelites (and all people that would hear their story) needed to know God’s heart and character in a more real way; something very visible and memorable.
A hardened heart suffers great consequences that God allows for a purpose. I believe that Pharaoh’s and other Egyptian’s hardened hearts were the result of fear and self-centered thinking. The Egyptian’s didn’t want the Israelites to leave because that would mean a great loss of manual labor because there were so many of them. Because of the number of Israelites, the Egyptians were also fearful of what God’s people could do if they didn’t maintain control over them. The cost of a hardened heart starts small and grows to death of something and/or of someone valuable. Some people look at the verses in Exodus that say that God hardened Pharaoh’s heart and wonder why God would do that. I wondered the same thing until this time of studying this passage of Scripture. In my NIV Cultural Backgrounds Study Bible, there’s a writing about the meaning of ‘God hardening’ Pharaoh’s heart. One thought that goes with Egyptian culture would point to God’s judging of Pharaoh’s heart. Another view that goes along with Egyptian expressions and could be a functional equivalent of the Biblical language could be a caustic satire of Egyptian ideas. The original term used in Scripture could mean a heart that grows hard, heavy, and strong which could be thought of as a positive thing in the Egyptian culture of the time; however, this could be God giving Pharaoh exactly what he wants or Pharaoh himself heaping guilt of wrongdoing upon himself, therefore dooming himself to punishment; along with his people. What it boils down to is that we don’t know positively what is meant by God hardening Pharoah’s heart, but we do know that God did not cause Pharaoh and his actions to come under judgement; he, the Egyptians, and their gods, had already come under judgement. The plagues were just giving them what they had already earned.
We will experience natural consequences to our choices.
God says what He means and means what He says. His yes is yes and His no is no.
God will defend His people against evil.
The plagues show the Israelites the true heart of Pharaoh, making the leaving easier. This may be the first step in getting the Egypt out of God’s people.
The process with Pharoah and the plagues shows what sin does in our own lives.
Pharaoh’s response to Moses/God is similar to that of the Israelites toward God. Let me explain a bit. The times of the plagues is a visual for the Israelites to see how they had been toward God. And in the end, He rescues them as He does all that accept Him through Jesus. It’s a heart issue!
The story with Pharaoh is similar to the Pharisees in the New Testament. (I will let you consider this on your own.)
Israelites. God spares their firstborns and takes the firstborn of the Egyptians; this to save His people. Jesus. God sacrifices His firstborn to save all His people through all eternity.
Each person’s ‘me-ology’ is incomplete and unable to have control over every aspect of one’s life because there are too many variables.
King ‘Me’ will be overthrown by the King of kings.
Getting the Israelites out of Egypt took less time than getting the Egypt out of the Israelites; as it is with Christ-followers getting the sinful patterns out of our lives and wounds healed. Walking out of our old lives takes less time than getting our old lives walked out of us. Putting ourselves in the Hands of God is the first step to His shaping us into the Masterpiece that He has created us to be. Ephesians 2:10 “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” Creating a masterpiece takes time; chipping away at what doesn’t belong (ouch!), and intentionality.
God is patient!
The Israelites gave from what they had for the building of the Tabernacle and it was more than enough. In our time, people look to the church to supply for their needs.
The Israelites were willing to offer their skills and abilities for the building of the Tabernacle and the priestly garments.
The building of the Tabernacle seemed to keep the Israelites busy doing what God had asked of them so they weren’t idol and doing things on their own.
From the beginning of time, God’s people have desired to have a physical representation of Him. Without that, mankind tends to seek their own manmade gods that lead to worshipping gods other than the one True God.
Looking out the window behind my desk, I have a wide open view of part of my back yard. Right outside my window, I see an antique metal children’s wagon that I use as a flower bed; and when I look up from there to further back in my yard, I have a great view of our propane tank. Not glamorous, right? No, it’s not but it is real life and a view that I have the privilege to see often. Beyond the propane tank, I have an old galvanized horse trough that is the future home of a garden bed. Hanging over the horse trough, are two shepherd’s hooks with metal watering cans that give the appearance of them pouring constant water into the horse trough. Why do I share with you my view out my desk window? Good question; I am sure I will get to that. Not much more than a week ago, my view was that of wet brown/green grass and dead flowers. Then the snow happened. I then had a beautiful view of a thick blanket of pure bright white snow that was; not only beautiful, but also a brightener to my spirit. Some may say that I have lost it because snow is horrible. Well, I may have lost it; however, I also prefer the bright white reminder of the purity of Christ and the blanket of love that He showers over me!
I enjoyed many moments looking out at the beautiful white snow that had no tracks in it, no leaves scattered through it, and no mud mixed into it; and then, I had the great idea of spending time with my grand Littles (3 years and 1 1/2 years old) out in the wonderful snow. I had no preconceived ideas of what our time outside would be like but I just wanted to spend some time with my Littles having some fun in the snow. This is not where I say that it ended up being horrible and that I regretted the thought; actually, it was one of the best ideas that I have had in a very long time. Not only did my Littles laugh and have lots of fun, but God met me outside and encouraged me to throw my frustrations at our six foot wooden fence, in the form of snow balls. That was invigorating! I taught the kiddos how to make snow angels; and yes, I made one or two myself because why let the kiddos have all the fun. The kiddos and I threw unpacked snow globs at each other and we made an interesting snow sculpture on papa’s car trailer. It was a great half hour that I wouldn’t trade for anything! The younger of the two wasn’t crazy about laying in the snow to make a snow angel; however, once I showed the older kiddo how to make one, he kept making them. The hardest part was getting them to go back into the house.
After the kiddos and I played outside in the snow, my view out my desk window wasn’t visually as pretty; however, it was still beautiful for my spirit because all the footprints and snow angels were a reminder of some life lived and some memories made with my grand Littles. How sweet those memories are!
A day or two after my Littles and I enjoyed playing in the snow, I looked out at my front deck and saw the undisturbed blanket of snow and admired it’s beauty; I also felt that it showed no signs of life lived through it. I decided that it was time to walk through that fresh snow and allow myself to think like a child; just for a few moments. Kicking up the snow and walking through it’s 12 or so inches of cold whiteness was refreshing.
Here I am again, looking out of my window and enjoying the latest blanket of white fluffiness. The blanket of snow is not smooth and seamless as it was prior to our playing outside; it bares a reminder of the fun memories of playing outside in the snow with my Littles, because it is bumpy and wavy. There’s still a clump or two of snow on the fence that reminds me of the frustration release that I experienced as I threw snow balls at the fence. I thought that I would get back around to why I shared with you about the view out my desk window; and I did. 🙂
I recently heard someone say that the world wants us to be less foolish and I can’t help but agree with that statement. What’s so wrong about being a little silly or foolish; in a healthy way, once in a while? We might just be happier. We might find a little more joy. We also may just be a little healthier if we play outside in the snow sometimes and make snow angels or throw snow balls. This is the silliness and foolishness that I am referring to. Who cares if the neighbors see you playing like a kid; heck, maybe they will give it a try as well. If my neighbors ever happen to see in my picture windows where my living room is, they will likely see me dancing like a monkey or a dinosaur with my grand Littles as we get some exercise before they take their nap. This type of foolishness is not only a great habit for them to get into but also great exercise for their grammy. I want to encourage you to go make angels in the snow or dance like a monkey, just live life in a healthy way; you could start a healthy trend!
Messages come to us in a plethora of ways. Through my years, I have received messages through conversations with others, the music I listen to, reading my Bible and other books, through social media, interactions with strangers, and through events. There’s possibly other avenues where I have received messages, but I am sure that you get the point. I receive messages of all kinds through so many avenues; I am sure you can relate. The messages that I have received have contained some truths, some lies, some niceties’, some wounds, and probably many other things. In turn, I could probably; with accuracy, admit that I have delivered my own mixture of these messages to others around me.
MESSAGE: For anyone in my life that I have relayed a message to you that is anything but good, encouraging, or uplifting, please accept my sincerest apologies! From my heart to yours, I am so sorry!
Messages can come through words; but also through body language, gestures, and the emotions that we radiate from our presence. As human beings, we don’t always realize that how we are thinking and feeling on the inside can radiate out from us to those around us. I have learned that this is involved in our ’emotional intelligence’ and it sends some pretty intense; and at times, harmful or confusing messages to those around us; especially if these messages don’t line up with the words coming out of our mouths.
Many times in my life I have encountered situations where an individual that I was talking to said to me, “Why are you looking at me like that?” Or, I have heard some time later that a look on my face told someone that I was mad at them or something negative that made them feel badly. Has this ever happened to you? For me, I can attribute these ‘faces’ to my thoughts being on at least two different things; one being the person I was talking to and that situation; and then also something else that may be a concern, which would explain a not-so-friendly look on my face. I am learning that the remedy to this is probably more active listening and less thought multi-tasking. By me being fully engaged in my current conversation, and taking part in some active listening practices, my hope is that my face will portray a look of being fully present with the person that I am talking with. How does this relate to ‘messages?’ I am so glad that you asked! The messages that I am sending to the person that I am talking with; when I am fully present, is that they are valuable, loved, heard, respected, etc.; these messages are the ones that I truly want to send to others and the messages that I truly want to receive for myself. Do you know what messages you are sending/giving to those around you? Have you considered this question?
Even the kiddos in our lives receive messages from us. They receive messages by how often they are competing with technology for our undivided attention; by how often we not only say ‘I love you,’ but also how often we show them ‘I love you’ through playing with them, tickling them, playing games with them, etc. These messages come through loud and clear for kiddos, even though they can’t articulate it for themselves. Just look at how little ones gravitate to remotes, cell phones, computers; they are imitating what they see and at the same time, they are starving for the affection that they aren’t getting because we are too ‘busy’ retreating into our technology for our ‘me time.’ What messages are we sending to the next generation that will become evident in the generations to come as they raise their own kids?
This blog post may seem a little all over the place; however, I assure you there is a common theme running through it and that’s the messages that we give to and receive from others.
A couple of weeks ago I was watching my grand littles who are three years old and one and a half years old. While I was watching them, I became; not only very tired, but also quite agitated because I had to keep repeating the same thing and they continued to not do as I said. I got to the point where I lost my cool and had to walk away because I thought I was going to implode. Have you ever been there? I learned many years ago; while raising my own kids, that when you get to the point that you are about to ‘lash out irrationally,’ it’s best to walk away and count to ten or whatever it takes to calm down and think clearly. In this moment for me, God reminded me of their ages and that they are just babies. Some time later, He also brought to mind a great message for me to remember; and that was that I am so glad that He Himself doesn’t lose His cool with me when He has to correct me over and over again because I am just not getting the message or point that He’s making for me. WOW! That was a great wake up call for me. Now I am doing better with my patience and understanding; not to mention a little more humble as I remember that my Heavenly Father has to correct me often as well, and probably repeatedly for the same issue.
There’s so much more that can be said about the messages that we receive and I could go off on a rant because I do get really frustrated with the twisted messages that get sent to people through so many sources; however, I truly want to focus on what I (and you) can do to be aware of the many messages that we are sending to those that we come into contact with; especially young people, because they are our future and the future. Maybe I get focused on this because of messages that I received myself as a little person; but for whatever the reason, God has laid it on my heart to share the importance of being aware of the messages that I (and we) are sending to others, especially the next generations.
P.S. I also want to point out the messages that we send to our spouses. This is not listed last because it is the least important. After our relationship with God, our relationship with our spouse is to be the most important of our priorities. You could say that I saved the second best for last. This is a gut check for me as well! What messages are we sending to our spouses? The enemy wants us to hide from our spouse. He tells us all kinds of lies to make us believe that it’s best to keep things from our spouse; that we deserve better; that we need to focus on ourselves, and the list goes on and on. God says that He wants our hearts and He wants us to be faithful to our spouses; doesn’t being faithful require honesty and transparency. In the garden of Eden, Adam and Eve were naked and not ashamed until sin entered in. Hiding from our spouse came after sin. My desire is to send a strong message; one that stomps on the head of satan, and glorifies God; a message of love, openness, honesty, and transparency in all marriages everywhere.
Hope's Table 