Tag Archives: moving

Grief in Transition

     Beyond letting go of belongings. Beyond letting go of wanting to know what’s next. Beyond letting go of a known lifestyle. Beyond. Beyond. Beyond. Walking through the process of grief while in a significant life transition, is no easy task. 

     At this point in my husband’s and mine major life shift, I’ve repeatedly found myself journeying through different aspects of grieving. Even though many have portrayed ‘stages of grief’ as a linear progression, I’m here to testify to a different perspective. Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. I’ve experienced each one, often all within a day, only to revisit different emotions and/or feelings again and again. 

     Transitioning from living in a house to setting up temporary living in a travel trailer and not knowing what’s to be our living situation beyond fall. This has often elicited in me thoughts and feelings of anger pointed in different directions, including towards my husband who first introduced this new lifestyle choice to me. Maybe even a little at God because it has been obvious to us that he’s drawing us out to make this change. Is it okay for me to be angry at God? I believe so. He is our Father and he can handle any of our emotions, thoughts, feelings, or words. He can handle anything we direct his way. I also know it’s wise for me to be ready to hear from him words of correction because that’s what a good good Father does.

     This process started, I think, with feelings of denial on my part. A year ago when my hubby and I were close to making the decision to buy a camper, I retreated quickly and said no. No, it’s not the right time. And lately … lately I’ve been in denial of my own actions involved in this move; my part in buying a camper, and moving forward in this transition. It’s easy, and probably human nature, to place blame for things I’m not certain are God’s will for our lives. 

     Bargaining for me in this current adventure looks like prayer that includes surrender, bargaining (or begging), and tears. Again, God is a good good Father and has his ways of correcting his children as he answers prayers.

     Depression. Throughout the past several weeks, I’ve wandered in and out of short bouts of depression. Grieving new layers from the losses of my son, my parents, my in-laws, and my grandparents. This led to extreme heaviness on my heart and distracted me from the joys of life. Letting go of items I have been gifted, this too has led to a heavy heart. There’s so many aspects of this transition that have led to a burdensome heart and therefore helped me to take my eyes off the goodness of God and what great things he has for my hubby and I for this next chapter.

     Acceptance. Acceptance doesn’t mean I’m okay with everything that has happened or that I’m not struggling with all the things. To me, it means I can take comfort from my Holy Father. I can find solace and refuge in his presence. I can seek out trustworthy like minded friends to pray for me and remind me of all the ways God has blessed me, especially in the recent past. Acceptance is knowing and relying on our God who has it all under and within his control. It’s resting in the capable and loving embrace of a loving Father who has given so much for me.

For more information on the Stages of Grief: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five_stages_of_grief#:~:text=According%20to%20the%20model%20of,against%20using%20it%20too%20literally.

If you are interested in working through your own grief and/or loss, please contact me at: soulcarecoach.amy@gmail.com

To order my newest book Wilderness Journey Living Journal: Taking Steps Toward God, please email me at soulcarecoach.amy@gmail.com

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Letting Go

Letting Go 

     Just let go and let God. Let go and trust God. Who hasn’t heard some variation of those directives. And who hasn’t thought to themselves or even said out loud, “But what if …?” There’s nothing easy about letting go of things we’ve held tightly to. Starting a statement with ‘just’ gives the sense of this action being easy. Just walk away. Just stand up. Just close your eyes. These directives are easy, or so they seem.

     In my current situation, I’m learning more and more what it truly looks like to ‘let go.’ In April of this year, my husband and I came to the mutual decision that it is time to move again. This came after many conversations and prayer. The recurring thoughts of selling our current house and what the next stage of our lives would be, led us to believe it’s that time … again. The longest he and I have lived anywhere is five years. The home we lived in at that time was a double-wide we had set on four acres we purchased from my parents. This property was next to where I grew up. So familiar. So beautiful. So much ‘home’ to me. I even declared as our double-wide halves were being driven onto the property, “I’m finally home.” At the time I had no understanding about Heaven being my true home. I knew God, however, not in an intimate way.

     After living in the double-wide for five years, God revealed it was time to move on into what he had for us next. Here we are about twenty years later, in a similar position. Only this time, we aren’t as certain as to what’s next for us in the way of living arrangements. When we moved from that beautiful homey location near my parents, we knew we were buying a house about thirty minutes away from that location. At this juncture, we know few things.

  1. We are to live simply and simply live. All but necessities are to be let go of.
  2. God won’t let us know what’s next until we leave what’s right now. 
  3. Our home for the summer is our new camper which will be settled nicely on a seasonal lot in the town we know we are being drawn to.
  4. Listed last, however, it was the first thing we knew for sure. Abba is drawing my husband and I back to the town I grew up in. The town our double-wide was in.

     The process of moving, this time, has been very different. Each time we’ve moved until now, we would downsize and ‘let go’ of things, however, this time is so much different because of only keeping necessities. As we cleaned and prepped the house to sell, I began to ask myself and God, “What do I truly need?” There were several items I didn’t need to ask, God whispered sweetly in my ear, “Let it go.” My third time sorting through my closet, Abba gently guided me in seeing, “it’s time to let someone else enjoy that.” This was the message with several of my favorite clothing items.

     Probably the most difficult part of letting go of so many things was the time I spent going through the pictures, clothes, and belongings of my loved ones who’ve passed away. Moving through the process led me into another layer of grieving. I went through almost forty-eight hours of feeling immensely heavy-hearted. I asked Abba what was going on with me because I felt so weighed down I couldn’t even bring myself to fake a smile. He said, in his most loving way, “You are grieving many things.” This made complete sense to me. Quickly I recalled all the pictures and such I had looked through. The items I threw away and gave away and the little bit I placed into a tote to store. The memories. The emotions that went along with all those things. Not to mention the reality of grieving a complete lifestyle change. I am walking through another layer and a new layer of mourning that I’ve not experienced before.  

     “Oh Father, thank you for helping me to see this. Now I have some idea of how to proceed. Grieving, I’m well versed in grieving. My mom passed away nearly twenty-one years ago. We are almost to the eleventh anniversary of our son’s passing. I find God’s timing to be beyond words. Our first camper payment is due July fourth, the date our son was taken from us through a motorcycle accident. Our moving date is July eleventh, the date we said our goodbyes to Tad through his funeral. No coincidence, God-incidence. My dad and in-laws have also passed. I’m no stranger to mourning. It’s hard stuff!

     Next Father shared with me that he’s preparing me for my journey ahead. It’s so beautiful to me how God cares for me. He takes time to prepare me for the big things in life. The love of God, I just cannot grasp.

Letting go. 

Letting go of my expectations.

Letting go of the ‘things’ I’ve found my security in, outside of God.

Letting go of the stuff I held onto because it belonged to someone special to me.

Letting go of fears.

Letting go of my need for control of the present and the future.

Letting go. 

For more on my journey and how coaching can guide you on yours, contact me at soulcarecoach.amy@gmail.com.

For more on Prepare-Journey-Debrief-Repeat. And journal along the way. Order my book Wilderness Journey Living Journal: Taking Steps Toward God by emailing me at soulcarecoach.amy@gmail.com

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My Wilderness Journey

  In the book of Numbers chapter thirty-four, Moses’ recounted the long journey he and the Israelites had through the wilderness. This passage reminds me of my own journey in the last thirty plus years and how recounting it could help me to see how far the Lord has brought me. At times, I can get down on myself by thinking ‘I should be further in my faith and healing than I am.’ The truth is … I’ve come a long way because of the Holy Spirit’s work in me.

     My personal ‘Egypt’ was full of wrong choices, shame, and living out of the lies I have believed about God, myself, and others since childhood. Lies about who I am and my value. This led to regrettable choices and burdensome shame.

     My two kiddos were preschoolers when I came to the end of myself and cried out for help. Since then I’ve been living in the ‘already and not yet’ wilderness. Already because Jesus has saved me. Not yet because the Holy Spirit is still transforming me into the person God created me to be. Who I will be in the eternal Promised Land (heaven).

     My wilderness trek began in 1997, when I surrendered my life to Jesus. Since then, the many moves my husband and I have made, all had a purpose. Not that we knew that then. No matter the reason for the move, I experienced growth in some area of my being. I can see now that sometimes I was running from my childhood wounds. Avoidance is truly a defense mechanism. In recent years, God has directed our moves and with them been bringing me closer to healing. As with the Israelites in the wilderness, getting ‘Egypt’ out of me is a long process.

     In many biblical examples, I can see parts of my own life. Currently, the story I resonate most with is the Isrealites wandering the desert. Forty years in the wilderness. Who would sign up for that? It doesn’t matter the name of the wilderness, it’s still what it is … unknown future. Unknown obstacles. Unknown dangers. The Israelites left the land of Egypt and its slavery to travel into an unknown ‘Promised Land’ to worship their God. 

     For the Israelites, each stop along their journey meant another area of refining that needed to be done to prepare them for the Promised Land. Laws. Festivals. Punishments. Rescue. All these things and more were a part of their journey. There were several generations of habits, traditions, and misbeliefs that God was working out of them. It took generations for God’s people to get to the mind space they were in; it would take time to replace the wrong way of living with God’s way. The lessons they learned. The Lord hearing their cries. Bringing them out of physical slavery. Then all the years following where God patiently built up Moses as a respected leader, established laws for right living as his people, and freeing them from emotional and spiritual slavery.

     My own road feels very similar to the bumpy one the Israelites traveled. Someday I will reach my Promised Land and spend eternity with God. Until then … I will look for the cloud by day and the fire by night to know where my Lord is leading me. Whether it’s forty years or eighty.

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Transplanted

The first 19 years of my life, I lived in the same house with my parents and my sister. Little did I know when I moved out of that house at the age of 19, I would move approximately 23 times over the course of the next 35 years. At first I said, “moving is fun.” I could say this when all of my earthly belongings fit into the box of my fiancé’s jacked-up pickup truck. By the time we added the belongings of two children, I began to declare, “I don’t like to move. I like change; however, the moving thing has gotten old.”

One might ask, “so why did you keep moving if you don’t like to move?” That would be a good; and fair, question. One that I can answer honestly. The first dozen or so moves were situational. Our situations warranted a change of location. Some of the reasons for our moves were: a house fire, a foreclosure, frozen pipes in our rental while I was pregnant with one baby and a had toddler in tow. Some moves were temporary in nature. We found ourselves staying with my in-laws for a couple short periods as we waited to move into a more ‘permanent’ place. We also utilized a camper a couple of times in transition from one place to another. That’s an experience all its own.

Since coming into a relationship with Jesus at the age of 28, I believe God has directed the majority of our moves. Even though it has been hard at times to pack up all of our belongings, do all the things associated with a move, and get adjusted in our new locations, each place has added to who I am today. Each living space has added another layer of strength, knowledge, and perseverance I didn’t have before. Many experiences in these locations were so taxing that I was tempted to give up. I would pray for God to remove the obstacles. He usually didn’t. One thing I have learned is sometimes He allows the obstacles to remain so my character, strength, and perseverance can grow. I think my ability to be more patient has grown as well.

We have battled basement mold, bedbugs, fleas, Japanese Knotweed, putting a doublewide on fresh property, two foreclosures, owning/managing a family restaurant, being landlords, and running a bed & breakfast. Thank God this wasn’t all at the same time. The restaurant, being landlords, and running a B & B were all at the same time; the rest was fortunately spaced out some.

The point in reminiscing over all of my family’s moves is what caught my attention some weeks ago. While looking at a tall mullein plant at a campground, it occurred to me how taking certain plants from one location to another can sometimes encourage them to grow better than they had before. Conversely, the opposite can be true as well. Maybe they prefer more shade and their original location placed them in all day long direct sunlight. It may also be the original location was a crowded flower bed that stifled growth of the plant. There can be a multitude of reasons for whether a plant grows well and thrives in any given location. In my contemplation of the mullein plant, it occurred to me how the same can be said for people; specifically myself.

Some places we have lived, I noticed how I grew in my character, my faith, or other areas. Other places, I felt stifled and maybe a little stagnant. However, I have also realized recently that even in the places and spaces where I thought there’s not been any growth, there actually was. Or, maybe they were just rest spots where I could store some energy for the next part of the journey. In any case, moving many times to different areas; and sometimes back to well known areas, has fostered in me the ability to transition well and make new friends better and easier than I could as I was growing up. If I had it to do over again, would I want to move so many times? Nope. I wouldn’t. But maybe it’s just what God had planned for me to be shaped into who He planned me to be all along.

Transplanting people or plants can equal a stronger root system. It can also stifle growth if the new location isn’t conducive for that individual person or plant. Or maybe; as I have learned with knotweed, there really is growth, you just can’t see it because it’s below the surface. I have grown in perseverance, character, strength, faith, wellness, and I know a multitude of others ways through the many moves/transplants and transitions. In the end, I don’t know if I would change much about our moves. Other details, I’m sure.

#TransplantGrowth

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