Fighting for hope can look differently given the context. In the latest episode of GraceStory Podcast, Master Certified Mental Health and Life Coach Sue Bowles shared several different aspects of fighting for hope. Including an emotional example of a time when she found herself fighting for hope during her parents’ divorce.
Sue defined hope as ‘daring to believe when everything humanly and intellectually is telling you otherwise.’ She further explained hope as daring to hold God to his word until he shows up. As I listened to hope explained in this way, I was taken back to July 2014 with the loss of my 22-year-old son. I clung to hope as I struggled to breathe, at times, and found myself struggling to make it through each moment. Step-by-step. Day-by-day. That’s how I moved forward.
A friend had advised Sue to watch her steps as she took each one forward. I can relate to that. Sometimes … that’s all I could do. Especially the times I was trying to work through my grief on my own. As Sue mentioned, trudging through in isolation leads to not being able to trust my own thoughts. However, when I chose to share my struggles with one or two trusted people, I made room for God to show up and walk alongside me in healing. God had blessed my family and I with multiple church and workplace families. These individuals and several hundred others that we didn’t know, prayed us through and gave us the support we didn’t even realize we were receiving. The love we received by fighting for hope in community carried me through some pretty difficult days, and continues to as there are still some times when the waves of grief threaten to overtake me.
My Toolbox:
*I’ve seen hope in the past through sharing my struggles with a trusted friend. *I declared that God would use my experience to help others because I surrendered it to him. *I have used what I’ve learned through my loss to comfort others in their moments of grief. *I’m writing a book as a way to continue my healing and help others through theirs. Acknowledge my emotions:
My heart hurts from the absence of my son.
I’m mad about what I’m missing out on with him.
What am I grateful for:
I am grateful for the 22 years I had with my son.
I am grateful for the community God placed around me.
Prompt: Build a Fighting for Hope Toolbox by integrating hope building strategies into your life. Ask yourself and maybe journal about the steps Sue shared in the podcast. 1- Identify where you’ve seen hope in the past? What’s helped in the past? 2- Where have you told God you’re expecting him to show up?
3- How can that experience apply to your current situation?
4- Build on your current situation.
Since anxiety and gratitude cannot coexist, acknowledge your emotions before God AND speak truth and statements of gratitude.
Beyond letting go of belongings. Beyond letting go of wanting to know what’s next. Beyond letting go of a known lifestyle. Beyond. Beyond. Beyond. Walking through the process of grief while in a significant life transition, is no easy task.
At this point in my husband’s and mine major life shift, I’ve repeatedly found myself journeying through different aspects of grieving. Even though many have portrayed ‘stages of grief’ as a linear progression, I’m here to testify to a different perspective. Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. I’ve experienced each one, often all within a day, only to revisit different emotions and/or feelings again and again.
Transitioning from living in a house to setting up temporary living in a travel trailer and not knowing what’s to be our living situation beyond fall. This has often elicited in me thoughts and feelings of anger pointed in different directions, including towards my husband who first introduced this new lifestyle choice to me. Maybe even a little at God because it has been obvious to us that he’s drawing us out to make this change. Is it okay for me to be angry at God? I believe so. He is our Father and he can handle any of our emotions, thoughts, feelings, or words. He can handle anything we direct his way. I also know it’s wise for me to be ready to hear from him words of correction because that’s what a good good Father does.
This process started, I think, with feelings of denial on my part. A year ago when my hubby and I were close to making the decision to buy a camper, I retreated quickly and said no. No, it’s not the right time. And lately … lately I’ve been in denial of my own actions involved in this move; my part in buying a camper, and moving forward in this transition. It’s easy, and probably human nature, to place blame for things I’m not certain are God’s will for our lives.
Bargaining for me in this current adventure looks like prayer that includes surrender, bargaining (or begging), and tears. Again, God is a good good Father and has his ways of correcting his children as he answers prayers.
Depression. Throughout the past several weeks, I’ve wandered in and out of short bouts of depression. Grieving new layers from the losses of my son, my parents, my in-laws, and my grandparents. This led to extreme heaviness on my heart and distracted me from the joys of life. Letting go of items I have been gifted, this too has led to a heavy heart. There’s so many aspects of this transition that have led to a burdensome heart and therefore helped me to take my eyes off the goodness of God and what great things he has for my hubby and I for this next chapter.
Acceptance. Acceptance doesn’t mean I’m okay with everything that has happened or that I’m not struggling with all the things. To me, it means I can take comfort from my Holy Father. I can find solace and refuge in his presence. I can seek out trustworthy like minded friends to pray for me and remind me of all the ways God has blessed me, especially in the recent past. Acceptance is knowing and relying on our God who has it all under and within his control. It’s resting in the capable and loving embrace of a loving Father who has given so much for me.
Just let go and let God. Let go and trust God. Who hasn’t heard some variation of those directives. And who hasn’t thought to themselves or even said out loud, “But what if …?” There’s nothing easy about letting go of things we’ve held tightly to. Starting a statement with ‘just’ gives the sense of this action being easy. Just walk away. Just stand up. Just close your eyes. These directives are easy, or so they seem.
In my current situation, I’m learning more and more what it truly looks like to ‘let go.’ In April of this year, my husband and I came to the mutual decision that it is time to move again. This came after many conversations and prayer. The recurring thoughts of selling our current house and what the next stage of our lives would be, led us to believe it’s that time … again. The longest he and I have lived anywhere is five years. The home we lived in at that time was a double-wide we had set on four acres we purchased from my parents. This property was next to where I grew up. So familiar. So beautiful. So much ‘home’ to me. I even declared as our double-wide halves were being driven onto the property, “I’m finally home.” At the time I had no understanding about Heaven being my true home. I knew God, however, not in an intimate way.
After living in the double-wide for five years, God revealed it was time to move on into what he had for us next. Here we are about twenty years later, in a similar position. Only this time, we aren’t as certain as to what’s next for us in the way of living arrangements. When we moved from that beautiful homey location near my parents, we knew we were buying a house about thirty minutes away from that location. At this juncture, we know few things.
We are to live simply and simply live. All but necessities are to be let go of.
God won’t let us know what’s next until we leave what’s right now.
Our home for the summer is our new camper which will be settled nicely on a seasonal lot in the town we know we are being drawn to.
Listed last, however, it was the first thing we knew for sure. Abba is drawing my husband and I back to the town I grew up in. The town our double-wide was in.
The process of moving, this time, has been very different. Each time we’ve moved until now, we would downsize and ‘let go’ of things, however, this time is so much different because of only keeping necessities. As we cleaned and prepped the house to sell, I began to ask myself and God, “What do I truly need?” There were several items I didn’t need to ask, God whispered sweetly in my ear, “Let it go.” My third time sorting through my closet, Abba gently guided me in seeing, “it’s time to let someone else enjoy that.” This was the message with several of my favorite clothing items.
Probably the most difficult part of letting go of so many things was the time I spent going through the pictures, clothes, and belongings of my loved ones who’ve passed away. Moving through the process led me into another layer of grieving. I went through almost forty-eight hours of feeling immensely heavy-hearted. I asked Abba what was going on with me because I felt so weighed down I couldn’t even bring myself to fake a smile. He said, in his most loving way, “You are grieving many things.” This made complete sense to me. Quickly I recalled all the pictures and such I had looked through. The items I threw away and gave away and the little bit I placed into a tote to store. The memories. The emotions that went along with all those things. Not to mention the reality of grieving a complete lifestyle change. I am walking through another layer and a new layer of mourning that I’ve not experienced before.
“Oh Father, thank you for helping me to see this. Now I have some idea of how to proceed. Grieving, I’m well versed in grieving. My mom passed away nearly twenty-one years ago. We are almost to the eleventh anniversary of our son’s passing. I find God’s timing to be beyond words. Our first camper payment is due July fourth, the date our son was taken from us through a motorcycle accident. Our moving date is July eleventh, the date we said our goodbyes to Tad through his funeral. No coincidence, God-incidence. My dad and in-laws have also passed. I’m no stranger to mourning. It’s hard stuff!
Next Father shared with me that he’s preparing me for my journey ahead. It’s so beautiful to me how God cares for me. He takes time to prepare me for the big things in life. The love of God, I just cannot grasp.
Letting go.
Letting go of my expectations.
Letting go of the ‘things’ I’ve found my security in, outside of God.
Letting go of the stuff I held onto because it belonged to someone special to me.
Letting go of fears.
Letting go of my need for control of the present and the future.
For more on Prepare-Journey-Debrief-Repeat. And journal along the way. Order my book Wilderness Journey Living Journal: Taking Steps Toward God by emailing me at soulcarecoach.amy@gmail.com
[From Part 1] In preparation for this message, I put out a question on Facebook to see the most common barriers people experience in their relationships with God and others. While there were a variety of responses, I found many of them fit under similar headings and there were several people with similar responses. The order I am sharing with you is for the purpose of the flow of the message.
The first barrier is FEAR.
What is fear? It seems like a silly question to ask and answer. Everyone is acquainted with fear. The Wikipedia definition:
“Fear is a feeling induced by perceived danger or threat that occurs in certain types of organisms, which causes a change in metabolic and organ functions and ultimately a change in behavior, such as fleeing, hiding, or freezing from perceived traumatic events. Fear in human beings may occur in response to a specific stimulus occurring in the present, or in anticipation or expectation of a future threat perceived as a risk to body or life. The fear response arises from the perception of danger leading to confrontation with or escape from/avoiding the threat (also known as the fight-or-flight response), which in extreme cases of fear (horror and terror) can be a freeze response or paralysis.”
There are so many fears connected to our relationships. Fears of disappointing God and others. Fears of the unknown. Fears of being hurt physically or emotionally. Fears of not measuring up, and the list goes on.
Second Timothy chapter 1 verse 7 tells us: “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” (NLT)
** Look in a mirror.
Knowing God’s Word tells us not to fear, why do we still fear?
I believe fear is a natural way to respond to a lot of things we experience in life. In the words of Priscilla Shirer in her book ‘Fervent;’ “If I were your enemy, I’d magnify your fears, making them appear insurmountable, intimidating you with enough worries until avoiding them becomes your driving motivation. I would use anxiety to cripple you, to paralyze you, leaving you indecisive, clinging to safety and sameness, always on the defensive because of what might happen. When you hear the word faith, all I’d want you to hear is “unnecessary risk.””
The enemy magnifies our fears just like a mirror can magnify our reflection.
All through my childhood and much of my adult life I have lived paralyzed by fears. Afraid I would make unforgivable mistakes. Afraid I wouldn’t measure up. Afraid of the what if’s. And afraid of what others think and feel about me. If others were to reject me, what would I do? This is all I got, the me I am. I went for years trying to be the perfect everything. Trying to control my surroundings, only to have the realization I DO NOT have that much control. Now I can admit to not wanting all that control … it’s too much pressure. My lack of control was magnified over ten years ago when I lost my twenty-two year old son in a motorcycle accident. I was and am completely powerless to change the reality of this great loss.
In looking at where my fears came from, I have learned the seeds were planted, watered, and grew from wounds in my past experiences.
Beautiful isn’t an adjective I would generally use to describe myself throughout my life. Even though I’ve had several people say it about me, the one person who basically called me ‘not beautiful’ left his mark on my heart at the tender age of eight.
It was in this season that multiple life circumstances shaped how I saw myself. What I believed about the little girl named Amy Elizabeth.
My mom was in a mental hospital. At this time, mental health professionals were using shock therapy as treatment for disorders of the mind. In my memory, a very dear family member took my sister and I to visit our mom. Unfortunately, when it was my turn to go in to see her she was returning to her room directly following a treatment. We were in the hallway as my mom passed through. I knew who she was. She didn’t know me. I was crushed.
According to my memory, during this time of mom’s hospitalization, my sister and I were staying with our grandparents. Besides the stress of my mom being away from home, I was very fearful of my grandparents. They made it well known of their dislike of me and how I apparently did wrong punishable things always.
Pity. No pity. Just my reality. Fear. Anxiety. Nail biting. Hiding.
What I believed about myself was vocalized at my First Communion. Mom in the hospital, grandmother to prepare me for the big day. Dad was there. A couple of mom’s friends were there. During the ceremony, those observing their First Communion were to go to their families to shake hands or something. Mom’s friends stopped the ceremony as they wanted me to pose for a photo. Embarrassment overtook me as it seemed everyone was staring at me.
At the end of the ceremony, I was standing with the other girls who took part in the ceremony. The professional photographer approached our little huddle. My heart sank when he called off all the girls’ names except mine and then directed, “All you beautiful girls, follow me.” Heard loud and clear, “Amy, you aren’t beautiful.” I wish I could say I shook it off because I knew my identity and worth in Christ. I can’t say that because I didn’t have that knowledge or understanding.
To multiply the injury, the photographer also took my school pictures every year so annually I had to face the man who told me I wasn’t beautiful. It was a constant reminder.
So, why am I rehashing these painful memories now? It’s because I am journeying through the photos of my life in an effort to allow God’s healing balm to be slathered over the wounds of my life. I’m currently hovering over this season of being seven and eight. This journey is taking me through long since forgotten memories that are resurfacing for me to process them with my God. I’m walking through forgiveness, for others, myself, and God. Accepting forgiveness and offering caring to myself where it’s needed. I can’t do this without God.
I WANT HEALING! I will walk the path God has laid out for me because he knows what I need to find and live in his healing.
Part 3 of 3 What Can Dahlia and Japanese Knotweed Have in Common?
Inner strength. Resilience. Besides them both being plants and created by God, a Dahlia and a Japanese Knotweed have these two traits in common. Their strength comes from a strong root system that grows over time, producing resilience in the face of storms.
Jesus’ words in Luke 6 verses 46-49 speak to the importance of inner strength and resilience.
“Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say? As for everyone who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice, I will show you what they are like.They are like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.”
After learning about the Dahlia plant and experiencing the Japanese Knotweed, my perspective began to shift. In God’s providence, I knew he had allowed me on this discovery journey for a purpose.
I was to see my own need to be as determined in my faith as this plant is, to survive. Instead of Japanese Knotweed being the proverbial thorn in my side, I started to see it as a strong representation of resilience.
The Dahlia plant blooms more when it’s cut and is a symbol of inner strength. The pruning that it experiences gives its root system internal strength to not only survive, but also to thrive.
Similarly, the Knotweed’s root system is strengthened every time it’s cut back, cut down, or dug up.
I want to be that determined in my faith journey.
I still don’t like Japanese Knotweed and would prefer it to disappear from my neighborhood. However, I am choosing to view it in life-giving thoughts instead of the mentally challenging ones I initially gave way to.
Resilience in my faith is what God is working in me. This only comes through difficulties and trials. Having the spiritual wind knocked out of me through life’s disappointments isn’t joyous; however, it will make me stronger in my spiritual resolve. Being cut down, like with the death of my young adult son, wasn’t what I wanted in my life; and yet…I’ve noticed on the flip side of the challenges, my faith and determination is stronger.
Maybe an important point to accept is for a strong faith, we need a strong root base or foundation, and to have that, we will need to endure struggles, challenges, and trials.
“to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” (Isaiah 61:2b-3a NIV)
My best Christmas memory could also be my most difficult. It was Christmas of 2014. On July 4th that year my son was taken from us when the motorcycle he was driving was hit by a young man who accidentally ran a red light.
We struggled as we prepared for the Christmas season. Buying gifts for each other and our family seemed to be a good distraction for my husband and I. Our daughter had always wanted an electric guitar, so we bought her one. My husband had always wanted to learn how to play the bass, so I secretly bought him a bass. For our little grandson, a child’s cajon. My only request was to learn how to play the cajon. Somewhere in the process of purchasing all of these musical instruments I realized that God was showing us how He was taking the pain of our loss and making music. Jesus was giving us the beauty of music as we gave Him the ashes of our pain.
Sometime during the holiday season, God impressed upon me a strong desire to purchase a basket filled with snacks that were some of my son’s favorites; this was to be delivered Christmas morning to the young man who had hit our son. I just knew God wanted us to do this; why, I didn’t know. I also didn’t know just how much peace I would experience through this simple act.
Even through the pain of loss, this was a most precious Christmas.
It was a Monday morning. I woke up with a sense of overwhelming sadness that I couldn’t seem to shake. One of those days that I felt that I was holding back a damn of tears that could break of its own accord at any minute. Why I felt that way, I really couldn’t figure out. Even with these feelings, I plunged forward with my plans to meet a great friend of mine for brunch. I had not seen her in person in a long time and knew that our visit would change my perspective. I muddled through my normal morning routine and headed out the door to make the 35 minute drive to our agreed upon restaurant. I was truly looking forward to our conversation and time together.
Before pulling out of my driveway, I set Google Maps on my phone so the kind voice could direct me to the exact location. I knew the area of the restaurant but had never been to the establishment so I wasn’t positive of exactly where it was. I noticed I was getting close to the address when the voice on my phone told me to turn left and that I had arrived. The problem was that I didn’t see the large sign with the name on it that would reveal to me where I was to turn into the parking lot. So I did what; I think, most people would do, I pulled into the nearest parking lot on the same side of the ride as the business I was looking for; this was so that I could look at the map and have that kind voice redirect me to the correct location. Pulling into the parking lot of a recreational vehicle dealership, I sensed something not quite right with my truck but thought maybe I was being over-reactive. I found a spot to park to see where I had missed the restaurant and reprogram my Google Map so the voice could redirect me. Thinking that I was good to go, I backed out of where I stopped, put my truck into drive, and began to turn my steering wheel to enter back onto the busy road. To my dismay, I had little ability to steer my truck. I attempted to turn the wheels to the left, only to find that they only turned slightly and I was headed straight toward a curb. Fortunately, my brakes worked well and I was able to stop, back up, and move forward to a wide open parking spot on the other side of the curb that I almost hit. Once I got the truck into a spot-ish, I shut off the truck and began to make new plans. No, not really! That damn broke that held back the tears and I balled like a baby for a minute and then I semi composed myself and called my friend to let her know of my situation. She was relatively close to my location and said that she would pick me up. Great! I could get to the restaurant. Now to figure out what to do about my truck? It’s good to know that I am an internal processer and thinking fast on my feet isn’t a gift that I have been blessed with. I am thankful that my husband has been blessed with that gift of being able to think fast and is great at handling crisis situations. Knowing this, I called my hubby to let him know about my wounded truck and see how I should handle this ‘crisis.’
My husband was working but was very happy to help me out and take charge of the situation. Now it is also good to know that I’m not a big baby and I can handle things if I must. God always provides what I need, when I need it; and in this situation, He provided me with my awesome husband to call a wrecker to take my wounded truck home and my friend that came to pick me up and treated me to great brunch conversation and some needed food.
Soon after I finished my conversation with my knight in shining armor; a.k.a. my husband, my friend arrived and off we went to the restaurant. I was literally within walking distance of the place. It was only two businesses away from where I was. Well, now I know exactly where it is. 🙂
My time with my friend was exactly what I needed!
During our brunch, my husband called to let me know that a wrecker would be at my truck soon to pick it up. He asked me if I was going to ride to our house in the wrecker. My response was something like, “I don’t know the wrecker driver, I’m not riding with someone I don’t know.” A friend of ours owns the wrecker company and I know them but I didn’t even know the name of the gentleman picking up my truck so; in my mind, it was more ‘safe’ to spend the afternoon with my friend until my hubby could drive his chariot/truck to her house to get me. Another note, that would mean that he would have to drive an hour one way to pick me up after he put in a full day of work. To me; at that time, this made the most sense. I did mention that I don’t really think fast unless God helps me out. Not an excuse, just my reality. Anyway, so my husband said that he would come and get me after he got out of work. I’m thinking great, I get to spend the day with my friend instead of just an hour or so for brunch!
The wrecker driver was going to call me when he arrived at my truck so that I could give him the keys and such. We were finishing up our food and waiting for the bill when I got the call. It was after that that my friend asked me to consider riding in the wrecker back to my house. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to spend the day with me and I knew that. When she asked me to consider this, I knew that I should do just that. You see, my friend is very attune to Holy Spirit speaking to her and I know that if she suggests something, it’s probably a message she has heard from God. Considering this, I realized that I truly needed to shift my perspective. Up until she asked me to think on riding in the wrecker, I was operating out of fear and wanting to stay ‘safe.’ Her ask helped me to shift my thinking to, “Amy, you’re a pastor and this is a perfect opportunity to minister to this guy driving the wrecker.”
My friend and I left the restaurant and she drove me back to where my truck was parked. She waited for me to let her know if I was going to ride along in the wrecker or go home with her. I approached the driver and gave him the usual driver’s license, insurance, and my keys so that he could get my truck loaded up on the flatbed of his wrecker. Instantly, I was not fearful and I knew that I was riding to my house in that truck, with this young man that I didn’t know. The driver asked me if I knew where I wanted the truck parked at my house and if I would be riding with him. I found myself telling him that I would be riding with him and could tell him where to park it when we got there. As he loaded my truck, I went back to my friend and told her that I would be riding with him. She mentioned to me that I was to share with him about my son; and choking back tears, I said okay I would. I gave her a hug, she left, and I climbed into the wrecker.
SIDEBAR: For those that are unaware of the details of my son; he was killed on my husband’s/his dad’s motorcycle on July 4th, 2014. He was 22 years old and left behind a then three year old son. You can read more about my son in past blog posts at: hopestable.home.blog.
Immediately I felt comforted in the cab of the wrecker because it was very similar to the cab of my husband’s truck. I asked God to please give me the words to say to this young man…… and He did just that. This type of conversation is outside of my wheelhouse and comfort zone but I was determined to be obedient where I felt God leading. I can’t tell you every word that was said because frankly I can’t remember them; however, I can tell you that there were three in that cab that day, the driver, God, and myself. The way that I knew that God rode with us is because of me asking some very basic general questions, I found out that this young man was in seventh grade with my son. He was ‘the new kid’ because of a move from another area, and my son was one of the few kids that would talk to him in gym class. He shared with me a memory that he had of my son and it warmed my heart to hear it. I shared with this young man how my son had died in a motorcycle accident and I knew that without God I couldn’t have made it through. I felt for him as he told me that this was the second incidence where he found out someone he went to school with had died on a motorcycle some time before he had heard about it. God showed me; and I think this young man, how He truly is present and shows us this reality in little to big ways.
I really don’t think that there are words in the English language that could truly express the experience that I had that day that my truck broke down. I knew that I was in the presence of God and I wanted to bask in it all day long. Truly, after I arrived home and the wrecker drove away, I couldn’t do anything but sit on my porch and stare in awe of God for probably an hour or more.
God-incidences:
The tie rod went out on the passenger side front of my truck. It could have been a much larger and more expensive fix. If this would have broken on the road instead of in a parking lot, I could have been in an accident.
The wrecker driver that came to get my truck went to seventh grade with my son and knew him and shared something with me about my son that I didn’t know but was proud of him for.
I was able to share some of my faith with a young man. #PlantASeed #HolyBoldness.
Even though a couple other things; one of them a big deal, happened that same day, I could feel God’s Hand on my day and fear didn’t consume me!
I am in a season of exploring, reflecting, and seeking God’s healing and restoration in my own life. Maybe you are in a similar season?
I have come to realize that as ‘good Christian people’ we have been told several things that we are to do in order to live the life that God had planned for us when He created us. We are told things like ‘Just give it to Jesus,’ or Just leave it at the Cross.’ Are you familiar with these directives? They are great advice! I am not knocking them; however, it has occurred to me that these directives don’t usually come with the ‘How To’s’ to actually accomplish these directives. I will not pretend to think or give the impression that I have this all figured out but I have learned a few things from Scripture and some people with more knowledge than I possess. While I was sharing these things with a great friend of mine, she shared with me that ‘this sounds like a good book.’ I have decided that I would speed up the process and share it in a post.
JUST GIVE IT TO JESUS or JUST LEAVE IT AT THE CROSS
I can’t tell you how many times I have given things over to Jesus only to have them crop back up in my life; even if it wasn’t me reeling it back in. The same can be said for things that I have left at the Cross. I will admit that in my humanness I have reeled some issues back in because I felt the urge to ‘take care of it on my own.’ Of course, it didn’t work out. But for the things that I sincerely handed over to God, I struggled to understand why I would keep having to deal with them over and over. I decided that I want to shag these things and be FREE to move forward in my walk with God. A wise friend shared with me that when we try to just hand it over to Jesus we are missing some important steps. I need to allow myself to enter into the wound/event and lament over whatever it was that happened and then allow myself to feel the emotions and allow my emotions to teach me something. It’s helpful to journal about these things; pouring out my heart on the pages and crying out to God with all the things that I am feeling and experiencing. For me to cut the process short and just give it all to Jesus, I am missing an important step in my healing and strengthening. In pouring it all out, I invite Jesus into my stuff; my pain; my experience, and I ask Him to speak to me in this space. I imagine the space and look for Jesus in the space. I ask Him to reveal to me what He wants me to see, hear, and/or know in that moment. It’s also good for me to seek out what I have believed about myself because of this experience; what lie have I believed? What vow have I made because of this lie? What have I said I would never do or would always do because of this lie that I have believed? Now I want to seek and accept the Truth that God says about me after I release the lies that I have believed to Him. Example: When I am struggling, I say out loud: “I am a created chosen loved adopted redeemed restored daughter of the Most High God! This is Truth and it pours steel into my spine. You should try it; unless you are a man, then please say son instead of daughter. Lol. I am a visual person so when I move into handing my stuff over to Jesus, I literally visualize placing it into His hands or His huge dump truck, so that He can haul it away and dispose of it. Note: This is a very abridged version so please pardon the lack of step by step details.
For those who prefer bullet points:
*Allow yourself to feel your emotions and lament them.
*Journal about your feelings; cry out to God and write everything on your heart and mind. NOTE: If you are concerned about someone reading it, pray over what you’ve written and then destroy it.
*Invite Jesus into the event/experience/wound; ask Him to share with you what He wants you to know in that moment.
*Seek out what you have believed because of this event/experience/wound; what lies have you believed; and what vows have you made because of this event/experience/wound?
*Release the lies to Jesus and accept the Truth that He speaks to you.
*Hand it all over to Jesus or throw it in His huge dump truck and ask Him to take it away from you.
Messages come to us in a plethora of ways. Through my years, I have received messages through conversations with others, the music I listen to, reading my Bible and other books, through social media, interactions with strangers, and through events. There’s possibly other avenues where I have received messages, but I am sure that you get the point. I receive messages of all kinds through so many avenues; I am sure you can relate. The messages that I have received have contained some truths, some lies, some niceties’, some wounds, and probably many other things. In turn, I could probably; with accuracy, admit that I have delivered my own mixture of these messages to others around me.
MESSAGE: For anyone in my life that I have relayed a message to you that is anything but good, encouraging, or uplifting, please accept my sincerest apologies! From my heart to yours, I am so sorry!
Messages can come through words; but also through body language, gestures, and the emotions that we radiate from our presence. As human beings, we don’t always realize that how we are thinking and feeling on the inside can radiate out from us to those around us. I have learned that this is involved in our ’emotional intelligence’ and it sends some pretty intense; and at times, harmful or confusing messages to those around us; especially if these messages don’t line up with the words coming out of our mouths.
Many times in my life I have encountered situations where an individual that I was talking to said to me, “Why are you looking at me like that?” Or, I have heard some time later that a look on my face told someone that I was mad at them or something negative that made them feel badly. Has this ever happened to you? For me, I can attribute these ‘faces’ to my thoughts being on at least two different things; one being the person I was talking to and that situation; and then also something else that may be a concern, which would explain a not-so-friendly look on my face. I am learning that the remedy to this is probably more active listening and less thought multi-tasking. By me being fully engaged in my current conversation, and taking part in some active listening practices, my hope is that my face will portray a look of being fully present with the person that I am talking with. How does this relate to ‘messages?’ I am so glad that you asked! The messages that I am sending to the person that I am talking with; when I am fully present, is that they are valuable, loved, heard, respected, etc.; these messages are the ones that I truly want to send to others and the messages that I truly want to receive for myself. Do you know what messages you are sending/giving to those around you? Have you considered this question?
Even the kiddos in our lives receive messages from us. They receive messages by how often they are competing with technology for our undivided attention; by how often we not only say ‘I love you,’ but also how often we show them ‘I love you’ through playing with them, tickling them, playing games with them, etc. These messages come through loud and clear for kiddos, even though they can’t articulate it for themselves. Just look at how little ones gravitate to remotes, cell phones, computers; they are imitating what they see and at the same time, they are starving for the affection that they aren’t getting because we are too ‘busy’ retreating into our technology for our ‘me time.’ What messages are we sending to the next generation that will become evident in the generations to come as they raise their own kids?
This blog post may seem a little all over the place; however, I assure you there is a common theme running through it and that’s the messages that we give to and receive from others.
A couple of weeks ago I was watching my grand littles who are three years old and one and a half years old. While I was watching them, I became; not only very tired, but also quite agitated because I had to keep repeating the same thing and they continued to not do as I said. I got to the point where I lost my cool and had to walk away because I thought I was going to implode. Have you ever been there? I learned many years ago; while raising my own kids, that when you get to the point that you are about to ‘lash out irrationally,’ it’s best to walk away and count to ten or whatever it takes to calm down and think clearly. In this moment for me, God reminded me of their ages and that they are just babies. Some time later, He also brought to mind a great message for me to remember; and that was that I am so glad that He Himself doesn’t lose His cool with me when He has to correct me over and over again because I am just not getting the message or point that He’s making for me. WOW! That was a great wake up call for me. Now I am doing better with my patience and understanding; not to mention a little more humble as I remember that my Heavenly Father has to correct me often as well, and probably repeatedly for the same issue.
There’s so much more that can be said about the messages that we receive and I could go off on a rant because I do get really frustrated with the twisted messages that get sent to people through so many sources; however, I truly want to focus on what I (and you) can do to be aware of the many messages that we are sending to those that we come into contact with; especially young people, because they are our future and the future. Maybe I get focused on this because of messages that I received myself as a little person; but for whatever the reason, God has laid it on my heart to share the importance of being aware of the messages that I (and we) are sending to others, especially the next generations.
P.S. I also want to point out the messages that we send to our spouses. This is not listed last because it is the least important. After our relationship with God, our relationship with our spouse is to be the most important of our priorities. You could say that I saved the second best for last. This is a gut check for me as well! What messages are we sending to our spouses? The enemy wants us to hide from our spouse. He tells us all kinds of lies to make us believe that it’s best to keep things from our spouse; that we deserve better; that we need to focus on ourselves, and the list goes on and on. God says that He wants our hearts and He wants us to be faithful to our spouses; doesn’t being faithful require honesty and transparency. In the garden of Eden, Adam and Eve were naked and not ashamed until sin entered in. Hiding from our spouse came after sin. My desire is to send a strong message; one that stomps on the head of satan, and glorifies God; a message of love, openness, honesty, and transparency in all marriages everywhere.
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