[From Part 5] Whatever the reason for our distorted priorities, we can turn them around with our chosen priorities each new day and a reliance on Holy Spirit?
At the close of part 5, I shared that we would ‘put it all together’ in this post. I was misguided in my believing such a thing. This morning I felt a nudge to go down another related path.
Recently, during a discussion with a beautiful friend of mine, I came face-to-face with a reality. Thank you, friend! On my own strength I tend to hover in extremes. I will either entirely seek God and my own interpretation of where I believe he’s leading or I will immerse myself in whatever others say. Looking to humans to make my decisions. Extremes in most any context will lead to imbalance. While I wholeheartedly believe God is our first and most important counselor in any situation, I also know our relational God has put people in the lives of his children to be support, encouragement, and truth-tellers. We need others in our lives who seek the Lord and can speak godly advice into our ears.
God is very relational. Father, Son, and Holy Spirit make up the Trinity. This is our example of a perfect relationship. No barriers. No fears. Right priorities. Clear perspective.
This fifth and bonus barrier in relationships is isolation. Mankind was created by and for community. To be with others. Choosing not to include others in our lives, living in our own little bubble, leads to isolation … loneliness … a stahl in spiritual growth.
Personally, I have been wanting to pour out my heart to others. I want the ladies around me to choose to come together to build community. To build relationships. My heart is to be a listening ear and encouragement to my Sisters in Faith. I’ve been struggling to know how to break barriers and share my heart with those around me.
I want to be a support, an encouragement, a resource, a hug when needed, a voice of legacy to this current generation and to those in the future. Sometimes … sometimes … I just don’t know how to put that into audible words. Written word is where I can speak, edit, rethink and send a better message. In person, I can struggle with knowing what to say and how to say it in a way that portrays how I really feel.
How does this relate to isolation and a barrier to relations in becoming a deep real authentic woman of God? The extremes of counting only on God (my interpretation of his leading) or the other end of the spectrum, seeking others for leading, cuts out the balance of seeking God, seeking wise counsel, and then seeking God for further direction. This plan keeps a healthy balance in our relationship with God and others. It breaks down barriers.
May you find balance. May you seek your people who will lead you toward God.
If I can be one of those people for you, please reach out to me. My heart is burdened for you. May you know that there are other humans wandering around in this wilderness who truly care about you and your heart.
In Part 7, maybe … we’ll put it all together and look at ways to tear down these barriers to becoming a Deep Real Authentic Woman of God.
#BreakingBarriers#Reconnection
Contact me at soulcarecoach.amy@gmail.com to discuss breaking down barriers or to place an order for my new book “Wilderness Journey Living journal”. It’s a guided journal for women that leads you through eight weeks of Taking Steps Toward God through a variety of journaling styles.
Beautiful isn’t an adjective I would generally use to describe myself throughout my life. Even though I’ve had several people say it about me, the one person who basically called me ‘not beautiful’ left his mark on my heart at the tender age of eight.
It was in this season that multiple life circumstances shaped how I saw myself. What I believed about the little girl named Amy Elizabeth.
My mom was in a mental hospital. At this time, mental health professionals were using shock therapy as treatment for disorders of the mind. In my memory, a very dear family member took my sister and I to visit our mom. Unfortunately, when it was my turn to go in to see her she was returning to her room directly following a treatment. We were in the hallway as my mom passed through. I knew who she was. She didn’t know me. I was crushed.
According to my memory, during this time of mom’s hospitalization, my sister and I were staying with our grandparents. Besides the stress of my mom being away from home, I was very fearful of my grandparents. They made it well known of their dislike of me and how I apparently did wrong punishable things always.
Pity. No pity. Just my reality. Fear. Anxiety. Nail biting. Hiding.
What I believed about myself was vocalized at my First Communion. Mom in the hospital, grandmother to prepare me for the big day. Dad was there. A couple of mom’s friends were there. During the ceremony, those observing their First Communion were to go to their families to shake hands or something. Mom’s friends stopped the ceremony as they wanted me to pose for a photo. Embarrassment overtook me as it seemed everyone was staring at me.
At the end of the ceremony, I was standing with the other girls who took part in the ceremony. The professional photographer approached our little huddle. My heart sank when he called off all the girls’ names except mine and then directed, “All you beautiful girls, follow me.” Heard loud and clear, “Amy, you aren’t beautiful.” I wish I could say I shook it off because I knew my identity and worth in Christ. I can’t say that because I didn’t have that knowledge or understanding.
To multiply the injury, the photographer also took my school pictures every year so annually I had to face the man who told me I wasn’t beautiful. It was a constant reminder.
So, why am I rehashing these painful memories now? It’s because I am journeying through the photos of my life in an effort to allow God’s healing balm to be slathered over the wounds of my life. I’m currently hovering over this season of being seven and eight. This journey is taking me through long since forgotten memories that are resurfacing for me to process them with my God. I’m walking through forgiveness, for others, myself, and God. Accepting forgiveness and offering caring to myself where it’s needed. I can’t do this without God.
I WANT HEALING! I will walk the path God has laid out for me because he knows what I need to find and live in his healing.
As I entered my room, I saw the bathroom mirror was slightly cloudy.
I’m struggling to admit and recognize where I am. I’m struggling to accept that, even though I ‘know’ Truth, those words could be said by God, or anyone else, to me. I know the ugliness inside of me. I feel like I don’t deserve God’s love and forgiveness even though I know we all fall short. I feel closed off. I feel like an imposter.
To trust … I have to let my guard down.
I want to be seen and known and at the same time, I want to hide. I want to be seen and known by Jesus. Shame over past decisions of my own and others made for me, make me want to hide.
The mirror is more cloudy.
I keep holding onto my sin as a badge, allowing the enemy to keep a grip on me. UGH!
“Open, shut them, open, shut them,” this childhood song plays in my mind as I see the pattern of my own making. I start to open up to what God is saying to me, and just that quickly, I shut down. I start to open up again and soon the vault door closes … again.
My habits have muscle memory.
I couldn’t sing ‘Run to the Father’ because I felt that I didn’t deserve to run to the Father and be comforted by him.
God is always healing. I want to accept his healing. Jesus goes out of his way to meet with me. Jesus does not condemn me. He is so kind.
The mirror is more cloudy.
I need to realize where I am. The enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy. Jesus came so that I may have a full life.
In prayer, I see myself on a bluff with the Holy Spirit. He’s tall, strong, loving, and comforting. He gave me the name Domicile. I am a dwelling place, a home. He embraces me with his strong arms and I lean into his chest.
I see many trees with beautifully colored Autumn leaves. A canopy of beauty.
God is inviting me to come out of hiding.
The mirror is cloudy because I haven’t been seeing myself clearly.
A realization that I’m in a battle over my beauty.
A false belief my whole life that I can’t be beautiful. I’m forced to search for the reasons why I have believed this.
~ As a little girl, I was constantly called a boy no matter how I was dressed or how long my hair was. Conclusion: Boys can’t be beautiful.
~ Comparing myself to others. If they are the standard for beauty, I can’t be beautiful because I don’t look like them.
~ I’ve sinned. I’ve made wrong choices. I’ve thought ugly thoughts. Conclusion: I can’t be beautiful. I can’t look at God or others in the eye because of my ugly sin.
~ The belief that I will never measure up to _____ so I can’t be beautiful.
“Please Lord Jesus, help me to see myself as your bride.”
The truth is: The journey of gut-level knowledge and acceptance of our worth as a child of God, is a real struggle.
“We look at ourselves in the mirror multiple times a day. There’s the mirror in the bathroom that says the makeup looks good, the hair is in place, and that shirt matches the sweater. There are mirrors at the gym that tell us we’re making progress-or that we’ve got a long way to go.
But it’s not just physical mirrors that are powerful. We each have mirrors within us:
The mirror of a little boy looking up and catching his mom’s first reaction of disappointment.
The mirror of going to middle school, thinking, Wow, I really look cool in this new outfit, and then realizing three minutes later in the hallway that you not only don’t look cool but people are laughing at you.
The mirror of disapproval from a spouse.
The mirror of a boss who says, “You don’t measure up.”
The mirror of a coach or teacher who said you were dumb or lazy.
The mirror of the media that says if you don’t have a perfect body, you’re not acceptable.
These mirrors create a composite picture in our minds and tell us who we are.” Chip Ingram stops there; however, I’m adding that these mirrors also inform the way we view our worth and can foster self-doubt.
Our family of origin, teachers, coaches, and others close to us have a powerful influence on how worthwhile we see ourselves.
Their influences can lead us to see our gifts and abilities.
They can inspire us positively.
Or, their influences can be a source of feelings of insecurity, inferiority, self doubt, or superiority.
Consciously, or unconsciously, we may believe that our value comes from what we can do instead of who we are.
These feelings can lead to unhealthy habits; such as, withdrawing to avoid rejection or overachieving to prove everyone wrong.
We may try to medicate the pain with alcohol, drugs, sex, retail therapy, food, social media, or anything else that may seem to fill the void.
Or, we may give in to living with unfulfilled longings for acceptance and significance.
The journey of gut-level knowledge and acceptance of our worth as a child of God, is a real struggle.
In Luke chapter 8 verses 42b-48, there’s a story about a woman who likely battled over ten years with self-doubt and longings for acceptance and significance. Luke writes:
“As Jesus was on his way, the crowds almost crushed him. 43 And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years, but no one could heal her. 44 She came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak, and immediately her bleeding stopped.
45 “Who touched me?” Jesus asked.
When they all denied it, Peter said, “Master, the people are crowding and pressing against you.”
46 But Jesus said, “Someone touched me; I know that power has gone out from me.”
47 Then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at his feet. In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed. 48 Then he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.”
In an instant, the woman went from battling a condition that left her isolated and labeled as unclean. She was forbidden to touch anyone; or anything that belonged to another. The mirrors she looked into told her she was alone, unclean, unacceptable, unworthy. And there was nothing she could do about it. But wait. She had heard enough about this Jesus of Nazareth and believed he could heal her with just a touch of the hem of his garment. In my mind, I’m wondering about her inner dialogue as she saw Jesus and her opportunity for healing so close to her. It could have sounded like:
“They call me unclean. They reject me. My own family won’t come near me. What if Jesus rejects me as well? What if I touch him and nothing changes? What if, what if? I have to push past this. I have to push past what they say about me. I have to try. I know he can heal me. I’m going for it..now.”
In an instant she was healed and Jesus drew her out of the crowd. It was worth being called out by Jesus because she knew in an instant that she was accepted, loved, healed. The journey to that point was long and difficult. Can you relate to any of her story?
The journey of gut-level knowledge and acceptance of our worth as a child of God, is a real struggle.
Have you ever struggled with self-doubt? You’re not alone. I’m on the journey with you.
So, how do we get from self-doubt or feeling worth-less to gut-level knowledge and acceptance of our worth in Christ? I believe our next step is looking past our self-doubt.
Chip Ingram shares in his book ‘Discover Your True Self,’ “Few of us realize it, but much of what we do is an effort to prove our significance, to show that we are important, valuable, competent, or accepted.
Different cultures and families come up with different ways to answer these questions, but the human race as a whole has been brainwashed to believe our significance is not found in who we are but in what we do and what others think about us. We are on a universal search to answer a universal question: Am I worth it?”
God placed within our stories a need to know that we matter, that we are valuable, and worthwhile.
When the mirrors that we have looked into tell us anything but God’s Truth of our worth, our perspective becomes distorted and can lead us into unhealthy habits. These habits can lead to struggles and addictions.
To answer the question, Am I worth it, we may look to one or more of the following:
Success in our careers, achievements, awards, promotions, positions, or through our children’s achievements.
We may look to educational titles, money or wealth, possessions, image or reputation, knowing the ‘right’ people, popularity, or ministry service to God.
Compulsion to perfectionism may come from our need for success and approval. Or, we may withdraw to avoid failure.
Several beliefs can come out of the lie that we are worth-less or insignificant.
One such belief is that of avoiding failure at all costs or believing it’s better to not try than to try and fail.
Another is that we have to work harder and longer to be a success so that we aren’t a failure.
We may believe that if people really know us, they will reject us.
Another belief is that we are a prisoner of the opinions of the important, influential people in our life. With this, we may believe that disagreeing with these people will harm our relationship irreparably, so we attempt to please everyone which creates an unhealthy lifestyle.
Did you recognize ways that you have sought to answer the question, ‘Am I worth it?’
Looking past the mirror of our self-doubt and to the words of Isaiah 43, we learn a part of what God says about how much his children are worth to him.
1 “But now, this is what the Lord says— he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. 2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. 3 For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush and Seba in your stead. 4 Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life. 5 Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west. 6 I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’ and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’ Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth— 7 everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.” 15 I am the Lord, your Holy One, Israel’s Creator, your King.”
16 This is what the Lord says— he who made a way through the sea, a path through the mighty waters, 17 who drew out the chariots and horses, the army and reinforcements together, and they lay there, never to rise again, extinguished, snuffed out like a wick: 18 “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. 19 See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. 20 The wild animals honor me, the jackals and the owls, because I provide water in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland, to give drink to my people, my chosen, 21 the people I formed for myself that they may proclaim my praise.
Let’s go back to verses 1-3a. This time we are going to personalize the passage to bring it closer to our own hearts. Read the passage aloud. When you get to Jacob, I want you to say your name. Then when you get to Israel, I want you to say ‘daughter or son.’ As we read this, envision your Abba or Daddy saying this to you personally.
1 “But now, this is what the Lord says— he who created you, _________, he who formed you, Daughter/Son: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. 2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. 3 For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
To look past our self-doubt requires us to know and accept what our Father says about us. We are his.
The journey of gut-level knowledge and acceptance of our worth as a child of God, is a real struggle. It’s important to look past our self doubt… to look at God and his plan for you.
How do we look AT God? How can we know his plan for us? The answers to both of these questions are: read, study, meditate on his Word, and pray.
God’s Word teaches us about him. Through his Word, we learn many things about the Lord’s name and character.
He is our Creator, Provider, Redeemer, Peace, Righteousness, Rock, Refuge, Fortress, King, Abba Father, Healer, Sanctifier, Shepherd, Lord. He sees all things. He knows all things. He exists outside of time so he can be in our past, our present, and our future. He is Jehovah Shammah, our Lord who is there. And he’s so much more.
God’s Word teaches us about ourselves. And it teaches us how much we are worth to God. I will let his Word speak…
Revelation 4:11 NIV “You are worthy, our Lord and God,to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were createdand have their being.”
Psalm 139:13-16 NIV. “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place,when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”
2 Chronicles 32:8 NIV “With him is only the arm of flesh, but with us is the Lord our God to help us and to fight our battles.” And the people gained confidence from what Hezekiah the king of Judah said.”
Isaiah 41:10 NIV “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you;I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Psalm 34:5 NIV “Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.
Philippians 1:6 NIV “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:13 NIV “I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”
Hebrews 10:35-36 NIV “35 So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. 36 You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.”
Ephesians 2:10 NLT “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.”
I want to tell you a story about a little girl. She was the younger of two sisters. She grew up encapsulated in fears and relied on her big sister for a lot. Being only 14 months younger than her sibling, she was always attached to her sister’s side. This precious little girl was fearful because of the mirrors that spoke to her as she grew up.
One mirror told her she would never measure up.
One mirror told her that she always did something wrong so deserved punishment.
One mirror said she was worth less than her older sister.
There were so many mirrors that told lies to her. She grew to believe the lies because the mirrors kept speaking the same things to her.
This little girl grew into a young lady that made many decisions based on the lies she believed from her childhood. She was convinced that no guy would want to marry her because of how horrible she was.
Insecurity plagued her. She was terrified to talk to people, especially the male persuasion. As a teenager she discovered that drinking alcohol gave her courage to talk to people. It also helped her to loosen up so she could have fun. Unfortunately, alcohol also made it even easier for her to go too far with guys she dated. Her fears would kick in and she couldn’t find the courage to say ‘no’ to guys when they wanted to explore her body.
This led to habits she grew to regret and a relationship that just led to feeling even worse about herself.
Fast forward several years. After getting married and having a couple of kids, this young gal found herself knowing she needed to get back to church. Finally understanding what God had to do with her, she began to realize the lies she believed for so many years and where they came from. Over the course of many years God used many people and resources to help this daughter to see him more clearly and to see herself more clearly. She has come a long way on her journey. She still struggles sometimes. She doesn’t have it all together, but who does? She’s still fighting the battle because it doesn’t end this side of Heaven. However, she now knows whose and who she is and that gives her the courage to keep moving toward God and the plan he has for her life.
I am very familiar with this gal’s story because it is mine.
Deep down, I’m still that little girl that was fed lies. Only now, God has armed me with his truth to combat those lies. I am on the journey to gut-level knowledge and acceptance of my worth in Christ.
Will you join me on the journey?
The journey of gut-level knowledge and acceptance of our worth as a child of God, is a real struggle. God told me, “Look past your self-doubt. Instead, look at me and what I have planned for you.”
The mirrors that have spoken lies to us through the years have contributed to our believing that we don’t measure up, we are somehow worth-less, and therefore doubting ourselves.
For more of the story contact Amy at: soulcarecoach.amy@gmail.com
A couple years ago I was having a conversation with my dad while we were driving around the countryside where he grew up; and subsequently where I grew up, and he shared with me how it bothered him that no one ever held family reunions anymore. I agreed with him and I still agree with him. I have noticed over the past thirty years how there’s been a slow fade away from all things family, including extended family reunions. Our culture’s focus has increasingly become all about the ‘ME’ and forgetting about the ‘WE’ of family. Some family units choose to ‘go off the grid’ and separate themselves from the hustle and bustle of busyness and that’s okay; I’m not judging or criticizing. Some family units choose to blend into the hurried lifestyle of going from this thing to the next and to the next thing; again, no judgement or criticism. Some balance themselves somewhere in between the two extremes. It seems to me that the majority of people tend to keep to themselves, even when it comes to those that share the same household. In an age where there are so many ways to connect and communicate, I have noticed that people connect less now than they did even twenty years ago. This seems to have happened overnight; however, it’s been happening for a very long time, it’s accelerated, yes but it has been happening over probably fifty years or more.
Our Creator God formed man in His image. He is a very relational God that is in oneness with His Son Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Our God is a God of unity, community, and connectedness. We were created in this image and when we veer from God’s original plan for us, all things go haywire and wonky. We were not created for isolation. We were not created for me kingdomship. We were not created to keep others at a distance. We were created from an image of oneness, connection, and community. When we stray away from these attributes, we encounter depression, division, discontentment, and probably many other ‘d’ words. I am not saying that I know all things and I have all the answers; this would be a big fat lie; I am on this journey of life with everyone else, I am just speaking my observations, thoughts, and concerns. Yes, I am concerned because I have young grand children that are growing up in this disconnection and chaos and I am praying for a world that’s drawing near to God’s original plan and not away from it. I believe that God allows us to see these things to be change agents for the future by using the gifts and abilities that He has bestowed upon us for ‘such a time as this.’ So… I seek my part in changing toward connection, community, and unity of the family and then make one step at a time in the right direction for my own family and pray that it will have a ripple effect. I also write about these things in hopes that others will see and understand and then be a change agent in their own sphere of influence.
What does this look like for me? I am glad you asked! After that drive with my dad that I shared at the beginning, my dad walked through the journey of passing from this earth to eternity. In the end hours of my dad’s life here on earth, my cousin, and I talked about this conversation that I had with my dad and we decided that if anyone was going to get ‘the family’ together for reunions, it’s up to our generation because our parents are getting up in years and a couple have passed already; like my dad. I believe that God has laid this burden on our hearts because He has a purpose in all of this for us. Now, I have never been one to organize family events or try to get family members together. Truth be told, growing up I never felt like I belonged in my family and have spent my adult life pretty separated from extended family because I felt that ‘they’ really weren’t interested in being in my life. That; my friends, is a lie! In organizing our first family reunion last year, I spent time talking with my cousin and got to know him better. Turns out that as we were growing up neither one of us truly knew the struggles of the other; we just believed that life was how it appeared from a distance. Since that first reunion, my husband and I have spent time with my cousin and his wife and are building a great friendship. Praise God! Not only that, but in organizing our second reunion this year, I am learning more about my extended family members that I never knew; including the names of their kids, and growing in other relationships as well. Praise God!
For years I believed it was better; and the way of life, to just do our own thing and not take the time to get to know my extended family. What a lie!!! I am so thankful to God for His opening my eyes to the blessings and purpose of being connected and in community with family; extended or otherwise. I am still learning much and have a ways to go before I will offer advice on the ‘how to’s’ but I am glad to be on this journey and thankful that I get to be a part of God’s working in returning the family to it’s proper place of importance.
NOTE: I am in no way advising anyone to stay in a household or with extended family members that are unsafe or highly toxic. I want people to have proper safety boundaries in their family relationships; where it is safe to do so, I pray for restoration of families. We also have a great God that has the ability to create the world and everything in it; so… I know that He has the ability to make all things new and restore all that is broken. Praise God! May He restore, rebuild, resurrect, refocus, redeem, and return the importance of Family, even if it means that our church family is that family for us.
I am in a season of exploring, reflecting, and seeking God’s healing and restoration in my own life. Maybe you are in a similar season?
I have come to realize that as ‘good Christian people’ we have been told several things that we are to do in order to live the life that God had planned for us when He created us. We are told things like ‘Just give it to Jesus,’ or Just leave it at the Cross.’ Are you familiar with these directives? They are great advice! I am not knocking them; however, it has occurred to me that these directives don’t usually come with the ‘How To’s’ to actually accomplish these directives. I will not pretend to think or give the impression that I have this all figured out but I have learned a few things from Scripture and some people with more knowledge than I possess. While I was sharing these things with a great friend of mine, she shared with me that ‘this sounds like a good book.’ I have decided that I would speed up the process and share it in a post.
JUST GIVE IT TO JESUS or JUST LEAVE IT AT THE CROSS
I can’t tell you how many times I have given things over to Jesus only to have them crop back up in my life; even if it wasn’t me reeling it back in. The same can be said for things that I have left at the Cross. I will admit that in my humanness I have reeled some issues back in because I felt the urge to ‘take care of it on my own.’ Of course, it didn’t work out. But for the things that I sincerely handed over to God, I struggled to understand why I would keep having to deal with them over and over. I decided that I want to shag these things and be FREE to move forward in my walk with God. A wise friend shared with me that when we try to just hand it over to Jesus we are missing some important steps. I need to allow myself to enter into the wound/event and lament over whatever it was that happened and then allow myself to feel the emotions and allow my emotions to teach me something. It’s helpful to journal about these things; pouring out my heart on the pages and crying out to God with all the things that I am feeling and experiencing. For me to cut the process short and just give it all to Jesus, I am missing an important step in my healing and strengthening. In pouring it all out, I invite Jesus into my stuff; my pain; my experience, and I ask Him to speak to me in this space. I imagine the space and look for Jesus in the space. I ask Him to reveal to me what He wants me to see, hear, and/or know in that moment. It’s also good for me to seek out what I have believed about myself because of this experience; what lie have I believed? What vow have I made because of this lie? What have I said I would never do or would always do because of this lie that I have believed? Now I want to seek and accept the Truth that God says about me after I release the lies that I have believed to Him. Example: When I am struggling, I say out loud: “I am a created chosen loved adopted redeemed restored daughter of the Most High God! This is Truth and it pours steel into my spine. You should try it; unless you are a man, then please say son instead of daughter. Lol. I am a visual person so when I move into handing my stuff over to Jesus, I literally visualize placing it into His hands or His huge dump truck, so that He can haul it away and dispose of it. Note: This is a very abridged version so please pardon the lack of step by step details.
For those who prefer bullet points:
*Allow yourself to feel your emotions and lament them.
*Journal about your feelings; cry out to God and write everything on your heart and mind. NOTE: If you are concerned about someone reading it, pray over what you’ve written and then destroy it.
*Invite Jesus into the event/experience/wound; ask Him to share with you what He wants you to know in that moment.
*Seek out what you have believed because of this event/experience/wound; what lies have you believed; and what vows have you made because of this event/experience/wound?
*Release the lies to Jesus and accept the Truth that He speaks to you.
*Hand it all over to Jesus or throw it in His huge dump truck and ask Him to take it away from you.
What’s the story behind the piles of ‘things’ that we keep?
For years I have struggled with looking at piles of things; they just seem to stress me out and it feels like they are somehow hanging over my mind, leading to an overwhelming feeling of stress. I have had the mantra for years that clutter is chaos and chaos is stress; who needs more stress, so lets get rid of the clutter so the chaos is gone leading to less stress. It makes perfect sense to me but maybe not to everyone. I haven’t always held this view; as a kid I was a child version of Oscar Madison from the Odd Couple. For those too young to know who that is, Google or YouTube it and you will understand the reference. I always had food under my bed; you know, in case I got hungry during the night. I didn’t understand that the food would draw crawly things that I don’t like. Anyway, I always had clothes and whatever all over the floor and stuffed in the closet. You have to understand that between my sister’s and my room was one long closet that stretched the full length of our rooms and was about three feet wide. We could stuff lots of things into that closet and usually did; that is until we had to clean it. That was a chore and a half; however, when it was clean we had lots of fun playing in the closet, running from one room to the other. All this to say, I understand how spaces can get so full of ‘stuff’ that we get overwhelmed by it; and forget about trying to get started with cleaning it, to start that task is as huge as eating an elephant in one bite.
Somewhere in my teens I turned the corner and went from Oscar Madison to Felix Unger; same show but the other half of the Odd Couple. Felix was the super neat freak that probably sanitized the vacuum cleaner. I became the person that cleaned and changed her room around every Friday evening. I had a good friend that thought it great fun to move the T.V. Guide or Kleenex box on the coffee table so that she could watch me put it back into ‘it’s spot.’ I know, from one extreme to the other, exactly right. This neat freakness followed me into adulthood and into my own home. Of course having kiddos kind of helped me to loosen up a lot on the neat freakness; after several years of stressing over those crazy toys all over the floor all the time. I about drove myself crazy constantly picking up toys. That is until I decided to just wait until the kiddos were down for their naps or to bed for the night, to pick up the toys. And don’t get me started on being married to a wonderful man who’s a mechanic, trying to keep things free of grease and grime from the shop; it’s definitely a full time job, okay maybe just a part time job, but you get the point I’m sure.
So, is it Oscar who has it right or is it Felix? Do we have so much ‘stuff’ surrounding us that we don’t even know what we have anymore or do we have things so cleaned and clutter free that we could literally eat off the floor (YUCK); but you know what I mean. I think that in this issue; as with about everything in life, we need to find a happy medium, not just for our mental health but also for our physical and spiritual health. What does this have to do with our physical and spiritual health? I am so glad that you asked. Our physical health can be impacted by a house full of clutter because of the germ factor; but also because of the psychological and spiritual reasons for the collection of the ‘stuff’ which then can lead to physical symptoms of poor health. Spiritually, the ‘stuff’ can become an idol and take the place of God in our heart. There’s so much more to this that I can’t share without writing a book. Instead of focusing on all the stuff, let’s look at why we collect those ‘priceless’ gems. What hole are we trying to fill? Did our parents collect things? When did we start collecting the _____? What was going on in our life? Why do we have to have every one of the collection of the _______? What does having all of those_____ get us in the end? Does it make our life fuller? Happier? Free-er? How does having all these ‘things’ impact our next generation and the generation after that?
So, now what?
First steps: take one space; whether it be a drawer, closet, or cupboard, and clean it all out. Sort what’s in the space into one of three boxes/totes; 1. I really want to keep, it has a purpose. 2. I will give away, it has no real purpose for me. 3. I will throw away, it’s not useful to anyone.
Second step: journal about how you felt when you were done with that small space, what you will clean/sort next, and when you will do it.
Third step: clean and sort your next space the same as you did the first space. Make sure to keep journaling about your progress.
Fourth step: Know that I am proud of you for each and every step that you take forward; more importantly, know that your Heavenly Father is smiling upon you as you become free of the hold that your ‘stuff’ has on your life. It is for freedom that Christ has set us free, live free of the stress of the chaos.
For most of my life; no probably all off my life, music has been a very important part of my life. From growing up in the 70’s and 80’s listening to my mom’s music and the rock bands of the 80’s, I have identified so much with music. I have those certain songs; that when I hear them, it takes me back to a time and a place and a memory, maybe even a big life event. I will admit that a lot of the music that I grew up listening to wasn’t the best for me to be influenced and listening to it now can completely change my mood and perspective; that is why I have chosen to not listen to; and there by be influenced by, the hair bands of the 80’s. Some would speak against that statement; however, while I know that there is some classic music from those times, I know where my thoughts and perspective goes when I listen to it and therefore choose to avoid listening to it. The music from the 80’s is a trigger for me.
In this season of my life; and I dare say, for the rest of my life life, I choose to listen to music that brings me closer to the God I love and triggers me in a positive direction. Music is still so much a part of my life and has great influence on my thoughts and perspective. This morning while listening to I will Carry You by Ellie Holcomb (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBGb5jG5v3Y), I was reminded of why I can trust Jesus with; not only my life, but also every cell, every organ, every detail of my life.
These are the lyrics of the song that struck me so profoundly this morning:
I Will Carry You by Ellie Holcomb
I know you’re tired, I see it in your eyes All that anxiety that rules your mind I’ll be your shield when you don’t feel like You’ve got strength enough to fight I’ll stand by your side
I will carry you Through your darkest night When you’re terrified I will carry you When the waters rise When your hope runs dry I will carry you
You are not the sum of your mistakes You don’t have to hide the parts of you that ache I choose you as you are a million times ‘Cause I am not ashamed of you I won’t walk away from you
I will carry you Through your darkest night When you’re terrified I will carry you When the waters rise When your hope runs dry I will carry you
Up and over the mountains Valley deep as the ocean When you can’t keep going I will shoulder your burdens Up and over the mountains Valley deep as the ocean When you can’t keep going I will shoulder your burdens
Why can I trust Jesus with my whole being, my whole heart, my whole everything? Because He will carry me through the good, the bad, and the everything in between. Now this is the best way to start my day; with a great reminder of the extent to which Jesus has gone for me and will go for me because of His beyond-my-comprehension love! A little while later; as I was on my morning walk, Holy Spirit began to put some things together for me. He first reminded me of the ‘why’ I can trust Jesus; and then He reminded me of the ‘what’ He is asking me to do by reminding me of a great song (of course) from quite a few years ago called Welcome Home by Shawn Groves (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DPZtQGZUyMk). I will share the lyrics of this powerful song but first I want to share that this song reveals what Jesus is calling His followers to do; what God is calling His people to do; what Holy Spirit is leading and teaching us to do. Now I am a task-oriented person so I can get all wrapped up in the doing side of things; this is a weakness of mine, I tend to get so caught up in the doing that I miss out on the being with those around me. I don’t recommend this as a habit or hobby. God wants us to BE with Him first and foremost as we read in Psalm 46:10; I would look it up if you don’t already know what it says, I love this verse! Anyway, what God is asking us to ‘do’ comes out of our ‘BEING’ with Him; spending time with Him, talking with Him constantly, sharing His love with others, but most of all; as the words of Welcome Home remind us, God wants to be invited into every space of our being with nooooo exceptions. And when we invite Jesus into every cell and every detail of our lives, what a relationship we can have with the Lover of our souls!
Welcome Home by Shawn Groves
Take, me, make me All You want me to be That’s all I’m asking, all I’m asking
Welcome to this heart of mine I’ve buried under prideful vines Grown to hide the mess I’ve made Inside of me Come decorate, Lord Open up the creaking door And walk upon the dusty floor Scrape away the guilty stains Until no sin or shame remain Spread Your love upon the walls And occupy the empty halls Until the man I am has faded No more doors are barricaded
Come inside this heart of mine It’s not my own Make it home Come and take this heart and make it All Your own Welcome home
Take a seat, pull up a chair Forgive me for the disrepair And the souvenirs from floor to ceiling Gathered on my search for meaning Every closet’s filled with clutter Messes yet to be discovered I’m overwhelmed, I understand I can’t make this place all that You can
I took the space that You placed in me Redecorated in shades of greed And I made sure every door stayed locked Every window blocked, and still You knocked
Come inside this heart of mine It’s not my own Make it home Come and take this heart and make it All Your own Welcome home
Take me, make me All You want me to be That’s all I’m asking, all I’m asking
What is God asking of His people? To be invited into every space of our lives; yes, even the messy difficult spaces that we think that we have to hold onto because only we know how to take care of them. Yes, even that one thing that just came to your mind. Yes, even that space that is surrounded by those protective walls; please let me share with you that those protective walls aren’t protecting you, they are holding you prisoner to the pain of that thing and to the enemy of your soul that keeps lying to you by telling you; in a voice that sounds like your own, that these walls will protect you. It’s all lies!
Why can we trust God with these spaces? Because He knows our every cell; our every minute; our every thought. And you know what, He made you; He’s crazy in love with you; and He will carry you!!!
A prayer from Jesus from John 17:26: “I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them.”
“Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28:18-20 NIV)
What are the spaces that Jesus hasn’t been invited into? Why hasn’t He been invited?
“Look up into the heavens. Who created all the stars? He brings them out like an army, one after another, calling each by its name. Because of his great power and incomparable strength, not a single one is missing. 27 O Jacob, how can you say the Lord does not see your troubles? O Israel, how can you say God ignores your rights? 28 Have you never heard? Have you never understood? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding. 29 He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. 30 Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. 31 But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.
God’s Help for Israel
41 “Listen in silence before me, you lands beyond the sea.”
Isaiah 40:26-41:1a NLT
Have you ever found yourself so emotionally drained that you just wanted to sleep for a day; maybe two? Have you ever found yourself wondering why this journey of life seems so hard? Have you ever just wondered why you are where you are in this world? Have you ever wondered if anyone else struggles with the same things that you are struggling with? Have you ever believed that isolating yourself from other people is the safe way to journey through this life? Have you ever felt so alone that you believe that if you weren’t around no one would miss you?
Have you ever looked at these thoughts and realized that they aren’t of our Creator God Elohim? God created the stars and gave them each a name. He created each person and gave us each a name and a purpose; and this before time as we know it. “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” (Ephesians 2:10 NLT)
31 But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.
31 But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.
31 But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.
Close your eyes and envision yourself soaring on the wings of an eagle as if you were soaring with God, in the protection of His wings. What are you seeing as you look around? What are you smelling? What are you feeling? Do you taste anything? What do you hear? Are you at peace or in a state of anxiety? Allow yourself to be present in that moment before you move on.
When you are ready; look ahead in the distance, do you see where you are headed? Where is it? How do you feel about where you are headed? What do you see? How do you feel in the moment? What do you smell? Is there a taste? What do you hear? Are you at peace with what you are experiencing?
What do you see between where you are and where you are going? Where is God in that in-between space?
God’s timing is perfect and His plan is perfect. Trust in His plan. May you be blessed!
Hope's Table 