Tag Archives: freedom

Letting Go

Letting Go 

     Just let go and let God. Let go and trust God. Who hasn’t heard some variation of those directives. And who hasn’t thought to themselves or even said out loud, “But what if …?” There’s nothing easy about letting go of things we’ve held tightly to. Starting a statement with ‘just’ gives the sense of this action being easy. Just walk away. Just stand up. Just close your eyes. These directives are easy, or so they seem.

     In my current situation, I’m learning more and more what it truly looks like to ‘let go.’ In April of this year, my husband and I came to the mutual decision that it is time to move again. This came after many conversations and prayer. The recurring thoughts of selling our current house and what the next stage of our lives would be, led us to believe it’s that time … again. The longest he and I have lived anywhere is five years. The home we lived in at that time was a double-wide we had set on four acres we purchased from my parents. This property was next to where I grew up. So familiar. So beautiful. So much ‘home’ to me. I even declared as our double-wide halves were being driven onto the property, “I’m finally home.” At the time I had no understanding about Heaven being my true home. I knew God, however, not in an intimate way.

     After living in the double-wide for five years, God revealed it was time to move on into what he had for us next. Here we are about twenty years later, in a similar position. Only this time, we aren’t as certain as to what’s next for us in the way of living arrangements. When we moved from that beautiful homey location near my parents, we knew we were buying a house about thirty minutes away from that location. At this juncture, we know few things.

  1. We are to live simply and simply live. All but necessities are to be let go of.
  2. God won’t let us know what’s next until we leave what’s right now. 
  3. Our home for the summer is our new camper which will be settled nicely on a seasonal lot in the town we know we are being drawn to.
  4. Listed last, however, it was the first thing we knew for sure. Abba is drawing my husband and I back to the town I grew up in. The town our double-wide was in.

     The process of moving, this time, has been very different. Each time we’ve moved until now, we would downsize and ‘let go’ of things, however, this time is so much different because of only keeping necessities. As we cleaned and prepped the house to sell, I began to ask myself and God, “What do I truly need?” There were several items I didn’t need to ask, God whispered sweetly in my ear, “Let it go.” My third time sorting through my closet, Abba gently guided me in seeing, “it’s time to let someone else enjoy that.” This was the message with several of my favorite clothing items.

     Probably the most difficult part of letting go of so many things was the time I spent going through the pictures, clothes, and belongings of my loved ones who’ve passed away. Moving through the process led me into another layer of grieving. I went through almost forty-eight hours of feeling immensely heavy-hearted. I asked Abba what was going on with me because I felt so weighed down I couldn’t even bring myself to fake a smile. He said, in his most loving way, “You are grieving many things.” This made complete sense to me. Quickly I recalled all the pictures and such I had looked through. The items I threw away and gave away and the little bit I placed into a tote to store. The memories. The emotions that went along with all those things. Not to mention the reality of grieving a complete lifestyle change. I am walking through another layer and a new layer of mourning that I’ve not experienced before.  

     “Oh Father, thank you for helping me to see this. Now I have some idea of how to proceed. Grieving, I’m well versed in grieving. My mom passed away nearly twenty-one years ago. We are almost to the eleventh anniversary of our son’s passing. I find God’s timing to be beyond words. Our first camper payment is due July fourth, the date our son was taken from us through a motorcycle accident. Our moving date is July eleventh, the date we said our goodbyes to Tad through his funeral. No coincidence, God-incidence. My dad and in-laws have also passed. I’m no stranger to mourning. It’s hard stuff!

     Next Father shared with me that he’s preparing me for my journey ahead. It’s so beautiful to me how God cares for me. He takes time to prepare me for the big things in life. The love of God, I just cannot grasp.

Letting go. 

Letting go of my expectations.

Letting go of the ‘things’ I’ve found my security in, outside of God.

Letting go of the stuff I held onto because it belonged to someone special to me.

Letting go of fears.

Letting go of my need for control of the present and the future.

Letting go. 

For more on my journey and how coaching can guide you on yours, contact me at soulcarecoach.amy@gmail.com.

For more on Prepare-Journey-Debrief-Repeat. And journal along the way. Order my book Wilderness Journey Living Journal: Taking Steps Toward God by emailing me at soulcarecoach.amy@gmail.com

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BECOMING A DEEP REAL AUTHENTIC WOMAN OF GOD Part 7

     [From Part 6] The extremes of counting only on God (my interpretation of his leading) or the other end of the spectrum, seeking others for leading, cuts out the balance of seeking God, seeking wise counsel, and then seeking God for further direction. This plan keeps a healthy balance in our relationship with God and others. It breaks down barriers.

     Focusing on the barriers of fear, our past, our perspective, our priorities, and isolation can keep us imprisoned by them. They can seem so heavy and can lead us to feel totally defeated.  Let’s not stay here in this prison cell, let’s break free and break through to the freedom and the relationships God has created us for.  Through preparing for this material, I realized these barriers deal with how we internally process and view the things we experience. The antithesis of this requires a relationship with God.   

     To help us to remember some ways we can break through the barriers and connect with God and others, I have used the acronym D R A W.

     DIG DEEP. Ask God in prayer to help you to pull back the curtain today and every day, so you can see where the devil is lurking and working.  While we will experience fear in our lives, we don’t have to agree with the messages it sends. We don’t have to wallow in it. We don’t have to choose it. And we definitely don’t have to make friends with it. 

     In ‘Fearless-Imagine Your Life Without Fear, Max Lucado states, “Christ-followers contract malaria, bury children & battle addictions & as a result, face fears. It’s not the absence of storms that sets us apart. It’s whom we discover in the storm; an unstirred Christ.”  Whatever we water, grows.  If we water fear, it will grow. If we water our faith, it will grow.  When our faith grows, our fears are depleted of what makes them grow.

 Matthew 7:7-12 (NIV)

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

 “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone?  Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?  If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!  So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”

     Earlier I shared with you that I have lived most of my life fearful of many things.  That changed for me several years ago when I was away at one of my ministerial classes and the Holy Spirit stopped me dead in my tracks. I was on a walk and he told me ‘not another step … until you are ready to get out of the boat, and you are not able to return.’  The boat I had to get out of was the boat of Avoidance. Avoidance of fears and hiding from those things that scared me.  It took a few minutes to muster up the courage to take that literal step out of the boat.  It’s not always been easy to stay out of the boat, because stepping out of it meant diving into the waters of the unknown. The chaos, the monsters of the past, and the storms.  I’m so thankful for my Jesus who calms storms and who has already defeated Satan. This truth has given me the strength and courage to keep going.

     What holds us in our fears? We have history with our past.  We have lived years and years with these things we have stored up in our minds like a treasure chest full of things we value.  It’s time to RELEASE THE PAST AND THE PEOPLE IN IT.

Acts 16:26 (NIV)  “Suddenly there was such a violent earthquake that the foundations of the prison were shaken. At once all the prison doors flew open, and everyone’s chains came loose.”

Galatians 5:1 (NIV) “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”

     How do we release the past and the people in it?  There is not a quick ‘fix’ or an easy answer to this question, however, there are some ways we can break through and experience freedom.  

I have realized, with help from Christian counselors, that I don’t have to agree with harsh or mean words spoken to me. 

I can tell myself the truth spoken about me from Scripture.

I can make an intentional decision to forgive those who’ve hurt me in the past, whether it was intentional or accidental. 

     Forgiveness is a process.  It takes months of daily choosing to forgive an offense until it no longer stirs emotion to think about it.  

There are three types of forgiveness.  

  1.  Exoneration.  This is a complete forgiveness.  A reconciliation is possible here.  I have exonerated the guy that caused the accident that took my son’s life.
  2. Forbearance.  Forgiveness is granted but the offense is not forgotten as a safety measure.  I have forgiven family members for ways they hurt me, however I remember them so I don’t get hurt again in the same way.
  3. Release.  This is releasing the person who hurt us and over time being able to pray for them.  This doesn’t mean the offense is/was okay, it just means we are taking them off our hook and leaving judgement for God, the only just judge. I have forgiven and released my grandfather for the abusive way he treated me. I’m not accepting it was okay for him to treat me that way, I’m releasing him to be dealt with by God. 

     From ‘Fervent’ (Priscilla Shirer) “When galvanized with the living truth of God’s Word, fervent prayer is the bucket that can dip down into the reserves of God’s strength and pull up all the resolve you need for releasing other people from what they owe you.”

     Through the cross of Jesus we have the ability to release the past, recognizing it has shaped who we are today.  We can live in the present with God and give him our future.  When we give God the messes of yesterday, today and tomorrow, he can turn those messes into a message that can change the world, or at least, our corner of it.

     In Part 8 (Finally the last entry) Dig Deep, Release the Past and the People in it, and develop A NEW PERSPECTIVE. You will have to check out my next post to know what comes next.

#BreakingBarriers#Reconnection

Contact me at soulcarecoach.amy@gmail.com to discuss breaking down barriers or to place an order for my book “Wilderness Journey Living journal”. It’s a guided journal for women that leads you through eight weeks of Taking Steps Toward God through a variety of journaling styles.

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CLEARING THE CHAOS

What’s the story behind the piles of ‘things’ that we keep?

For years I have struggled with looking at piles of things; they just seem to stress me out and it feels like they are somehow hanging over my mind, leading to an overwhelming feeling of stress. I have had the mantra for years that clutter is chaos and chaos is stress; who needs more stress, so lets get rid of the clutter so the chaos is gone leading to less stress. It makes perfect sense to me but maybe not to everyone. I haven’t always held this view; as a kid I was a child version of Oscar Madison from the Odd Couple. For those too young to know who that is, Google or YouTube it and you will understand the reference. I always had food under my bed; you know, in case I got hungry during the night. I didn’t understand that the food would draw crawly things that I don’t like. Anyway, I always had clothes and whatever all over the floor and stuffed in the closet. You have to understand that between my sister’s and my room was one long closet that stretched the full length of our rooms and was about three feet wide. We could stuff lots of things into that closet and usually did; that is until we had to clean it. That was a chore and a half; however, when it was clean we had lots of fun playing in the closet, running from one room to the other. All this to say, I understand how spaces can get so full of ‘stuff’ that we get overwhelmed by it; and forget about trying to get started with cleaning it, to start that task is as huge as eating an elephant in one bite.

Somewhere in my teens I turned the corner and went from Oscar Madison to Felix Unger; same show but the other half of the Odd Couple. Felix was the super neat freak that probably sanitized the vacuum cleaner. I became the person that cleaned and changed her room around every Friday evening. I had a good friend that thought it great fun to move the T.V. Guide or Kleenex box on the coffee table so that she could watch me put it back into ‘it’s spot.’ I know, from one extreme to the other, exactly right. This neat freakness followed me into adulthood and into my own home. Of course having kiddos kind of helped me to loosen up a lot on the neat freakness; after several years of stressing over those crazy toys all over the floor all the time. I about drove myself crazy constantly picking up toys. That is until I decided to just wait until the kiddos were down for their naps or to bed for the night, to pick up the toys. And don’t get me started on being married to a wonderful man who’s a mechanic, trying to keep things free of grease and grime from the shop; it’s definitely a full time job, okay maybe just a part time job, but you get the point I’m sure.

So, is it Oscar who has it right or is it Felix? Do we have so much ‘stuff’ surrounding us that we don’t even know what we have anymore or do we have things so cleaned and clutter free that we could literally eat off the floor (YUCK); but you know what I mean. I think that in this issue; as with about everything in life, we need to find a happy medium, not just for our mental health but also for our physical and spiritual health. What does this have to do with our physical and spiritual health? I am so glad that you asked. Our physical health can be impacted by a house full of clutter because of the germ factor; but also because of the psychological and spiritual reasons for the collection of the ‘stuff’ which then can lead to physical symptoms of poor health. Spiritually, the ‘stuff’ can become an idol and take the place of God in our heart. There’s so much more to this that I can’t share without writing a book. Instead of focusing on all the stuff, let’s look at why we collect those ‘priceless’ gems. What hole are we trying to fill? Did our parents collect things? When did we start collecting the _____? What was going on in our life? Why do we have to have every one of the collection of the _______? What does having all of those_____ get us in the end? Does it make our life fuller? Happier? Free-er? How does having all these ‘things’ impact our next generation and the generation after that?

So, now what?

First steps: take one space; whether it be a drawer, closet, or cupboard, and clean it all out. Sort what’s in the space into one of three boxes/totes; 1. I really want to keep, it has a purpose. 2. I will give away, it has no real purpose for me. 3. I will throw away, it’s not useful to anyone.

Second step: journal about how you felt when you were done with that small space, what you will clean/sort next, and when you will do it.

Third step: clean and sort your next space the same as you did the first space. Make sure to keep journaling about your progress.

Fourth step: Know that I am proud of you for each and every step that you take forward; more importantly, know that your Heavenly Father is smiling upon you as you become free of the hold that your ‘stuff’ has on your life. It is for freedom that Christ has set us free, live free of the stress of the chaos.

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WHAT AND WHY

For most of my life; no probably all off my life, music has been a very important part of my life. From growing up in the 70’s and 80’s listening to my mom’s music and the rock bands of the 80’s, I have identified so much with music. I have those certain songs; that when I hear them, it takes me back to a time and a place and a memory, maybe even a big life event. I will admit that a lot of the music that I grew up listening to wasn’t the best for me to be influenced and listening to it now can completely change my mood and perspective; that is why I have chosen to not listen to; and there by be influenced by, the hair bands of the 80’s. Some would speak against that statement; however, while I know that there is some classic music from those times, I know where my thoughts and perspective goes when I listen to it and therefore choose to avoid listening to it. The music from the 80’s is a trigger for me.

In this season of my life; and I dare say, for the rest of my life life, I choose to listen to music that brings me closer to the God I love and triggers me in a positive direction. Music is still so much a part of my life and has great influence on my thoughts and perspective. This morning while listening to I will Carry You by Ellie Holcomb (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBGb5jG5v3Y), I was reminded of why I can trust Jesus with; not only my life, but also every cell, every organ, every detail of my life.

These are the lyrics of the song that struck me so profoundly this morning:

I Will Carry You by Ellie Holcomb

I know you’re tired, I see it in your eyes
All that anxiety that rules your mind
I’ll be your shield when you don’t feel like
You’ve got strength enough to fight
I’ll stand by your side

I will carry you
Through your darkest night
When you’re terrified
I will carry you
When the waters rise
When your hope runs dry
I will carry you

You are not the sum of your mistakes
You don’t have to hide the parts of you that ache
I choose you as you are a million times
‘Cause I am not ashamed of you
I won’t walk away from you

I will carry you
Through your darkest night
When you’re terrified
I will carry you
When the waters rise
When your hope runs dry
I will carry you

Up and over the mountains
Valley deep as the ocean
When you can’t keep going
I will shoulder your burdens
Up and over the mountains
Valley deep as the ocean
When you can’t keep going
I will shoulder your burdens

Why can I trust Jesus with my whole being, my whole heart, my whole everything? Because He will carry me through the good, the bad, and the everything in between. Now this is the best way to start my day; with a great reminder of the extent to which Jesus has gone for me and will go for me because of His beyond-my-comprehension love! A little while later; as I was on my morning walk, Holy Spirit began to put some things together for me. He first reminded me of the ‘why’ I can trust Jesus; and then He reminded me of the ‘what’ He is asking me to do by reminding me of a great song (of course) from quite a few years ago called Welcome Home by Shawn Groves (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DPZtQGZUyMk). I will share the lyrics of this powerful song but first I want to share that this song reveals what Jesus is calling His followers to do; what God is calling His people to do; what Holy Spirit is leading and teaching us to do. Now I am a task-oriented person so I can get all wrapped up in the doing side of things; this is a weakness of mine, I tend to get so caught up in the doing that I miss out on the being with those around me. I don’t recommend this as a habit or hobby. God wants us to BE with Him first and foremost as we read in Psalm 46:10; I would look it up if you don’t already know what it says, I love this verse! Anyway, what God is asking us to ‘do’ comes out of our ‘BEING’ with Him; spending time with Him, talking with Him constantly, sharing His love with others, but most of all; as the words of Welcome Home remind us, God wants to be invited into every space of our being with nooooo exceptions. And when we invite Jesus into every cell and every detail of our lives, what a relationship we can have with the Lover of our souls!

Welcome Home by Shawn Groves

Take, me, make me
All You want me to be
That’s all I’m asking, all I’m asking

Welcome to this heart of mine
I’ve buried under prideful vines
Grown to hide the mess I’ve made
Inside of me
Come decorate, Lord
Open up the creaking door
And walk upon the dusty floor
Scrape away the guilty stains
Until no sin or shame remain
Spread Your love upon the walls
And occupy the empty halls
Until the man I am has faded
No more doors are barricaded

Come inside this heart of mine
It’s not my own
Make it home
Come and take this heart and make it
All Your own
Welcome home

Take a seat, pull up a chair
Forgive me for the disrepair
And the souvenirs from floor to ceiling
Gathered on my search for meaning
Every closet’s filled with clutter
Messes yet to be discovered
I’m overwhelmed, I understand
I can’t make this place all that You can

I took the space that You placed in me
Redecorated in shades of greed
And I made sure every door stayed locked
Every window blocked, and still You knocked

Come inside this heart of mine
It’s not my own
Make it home
Come and take this heart and make it
All Your own
Welcome home

Take me, make me
All You want me to be
That’s all I’m asking, all I’m asking

What is God asking of His people? To be invited into every space of our lives; yes, even the messy difficult spaces that we think that we have to hold onto because only we know how to take care of them. Yes, even that one thing that just came to your mind. Yes, even that space that is surrounded by those protective walls; please let me share with you that those protective walls aren’t protecting you, they are holding you prisoner to the pain of that thing and to the enemy of your soul that keeps lying to you by telling you; in a voice that sounds like your own, that these walls will protect you. It’s all lies!

Why can we trust God with these spaces? Because He knows our every cell; our every minute; our every thought. And you know what, He made you; He’s crazy in love with you; and He will carry you!!!

A prayer from Jesus from John 17:26: “I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them.”

“Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.  Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,  and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28:18-20 NIV)

What are the spaces that Jesus hasn’t been invited into? Why hasn’t He been invited?

You are so loved!

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Reading Mom’s Writing

I often prompt others to journal; or as I sometimes call it, word vomit all over the page. Over the years, I have had seasons where I am really good at writing down my thoughts semi-regularly; and then there’s seasons where I don’t write anything down and regret not taking the time to let go of my thoughts onto the page. I have found writing my thoughts out to be quite releasing. The same thing happens for me when I write down all of my ‘to do’ list items on a page; I can release them and move on instead of these tasks weighing down my mind. I find writing my thoughts down can sometimes help me to process whatever it is that is rolling around in my mind. This journaling came to mind as I grabbed a book that belonged to my mom and began to reread her notes in the margins. My mom passed away; in her warn out earthly vessel, nearly 18 years ago from breast cancer. Thankfully, I know that I will see her again because she made known to me that she has a relationship with our Jesus.

The book is titled “God Can Heal Your Heart” by Marie Shropshire. This book is full of poetry that speaks of many characteristics of God. Mom’s notes spill over of the hurt and pain that build up in her heart over the years of her life. Without these notes, I wouldn’t know as much about the weight of the pain that her heart was carrying and the longings of her heart. Over the years, it has been a comfort and an ache for my heart to be able to read and know more of the heart of my mom. For so many years of my life, my mom was a mystery to me because the mental illness that she struggled with for the majority of her life kept her closed off and isolated from the world around her. I am thankful that she is free from the pain and brokenness of this world and is celebrating; for eternity, with the Savior!

In the past few years, I have been learning much about the Freedom that Christ died on the Cross for His children to experience with Him. The enemy of our souls would like God’s children to be in bondage to the things of this world; cut off from the Freedom of Christ and the peace that comes from Him, and isolated from the love of God and others. Reading my mom’s words in the margins of this book leaves me longing that she would have known God’s Freedom here on earth; but thankful that she can know it now in Heaven. Christ came to set the captives free; it is my prayer for more and more people to be free from the bondage of Satan and the traps of this world. I pray that more and more of us would chose the Freedom and Peace of Jesus Christ over the bondage of this world. The bondage keeps us in pain and isolation; the very things that we are trying so desperately to get away from. May we choose the Freedom of Christ every day!

Excerpt from “God Can Heal Your Heart” by Marie Shropshire

“I Am Your Strength”

Dear broken child, I am aware of the weariness you feel. Your despair has weakened you. Your body is absorbing the overload of your mind, reminding you that you are spirit, soul, and body. (Mom’s note: When reading this I could feel your presents and your empathy and compassion. But I can’t seem to take comfort or to rest in this knowledge. I don’t know why.)

Your brokenness calls you tp greater integration of spirit, soul, and body. I will strengthen you in every area of your being.

My grace provides you with eternal encouragement and hope and vitality. I am faithful to provide you with strength, with protection. The trial will not be too much for you. I never put more on my children than they can bear. (Mom underlined) (Mom’s notes: People who I trusted and cared for so much and perfect strangers who I blindly placed my trust and faith into, that have said awful things about me and have belittled and taken away my very existence as a valued human being, of substance and worth that has flooded my soul. I have always believed in you God, and I see the beauty of you all around me; and I am humble with that beauty; and also “Thank you” for it. But, I am human and I need human needs. Such as hugs, friends, human love. Praises from humans when warranted. And kind words without having to beg for them. But GOD! You are not the being that is giving me such trials. It’s people and myself.)

As you rejoice in me, in spite of circumstances, your strength will return. Praise me, knowing that I am working out all things for your good. In quiet confidence you will find strength.

I will give you a new song. You shall sing for joy and be energized as you become more aware of my presence, of my love.

Strength and joy are born of a calm assurance of my promises. So praise me, delight in me.

Face your future with me. Feel my nearness. Cultivate a sense of my joyful presence, and draw from my strength. “The joy of the Lord is your strength (Nehemiah 8:10). Declare with David, “For You are the God of my strength” (Psalm 43:2 NKJV).

I pray that you will put your thoughts on paper so that some day someone who loves you much will have your words to read and be able to know you a little more. And also, let’s take time now, today to be with our families. Let’s not fall into the isolation and bondage trap. Let’s love on our families and friends, with our words and actions. May you be Blessed with much love and peace, today and always.

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