Tag Archives: fears

BECOMING A DEEP REAL AUTHENTIC WOMAN OF GOD Part 7

     [From Part 6] The extremes of counting only on God (my interpretation of his leading) or the other end of the spectrum, seeking others for leading, cuts out the balance of seeking God, seeking wise counsel, and then seeking God for further direction. This plan keeps a healthy balance in our relationship with God and others. It breaks down barriers.

     Focusing on the barriers of fear, our past, our perspective, our priorities, and isolation can keep us imprisoned by them. They can seem so heavy and can lead us to feel totally defeated.  Let’s not stay here in this prison cell, let’s break free and break through to the freedom and the relationships God has created us for.  Through preparing for this material, I realized these barriers deal with how we internally process and view the things we experience. The antithesis of this requires a relationship with God.   

     To help us to remember some ways we can break through the barriers and connect with God and others, I have used the acronym D R A W.

     DIG DEEP. Ask God in prayer to help you to pull back the curtain today and every day, so you can see where the devil is lurking and working.  While we will experience fear in our lives, we don’t have to agree with the messages it sends. We don’t have to wallow in it. We don’t have to choose it. And we definitely don’t have to make friends with it. 

     In ‘Fearless-Imagine Your Life Without Fear, Max Lucado states, “Christ-followers contract malaria, bury children & battle addictions & as a result, face fears. It’s not the absence of storms that sets us apart. It’s whom we discover in the storm; an unstirred Christ.”  Whatever we water, grows.  If we water fear, it will grow. If we water our faith, it will grow.  When our faith grows, our fears are depleted of what makes them grow.

 Matthew 7:7-12 (NIV)

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

 “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone?  Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?  If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!  So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”

     Earlier I shared with you that I have lived most of my life fearful of many things.  That changed for me several years ago when I was away at one of my ministerial classes and the Holy Spirit stopped me dead in my tracks. I was on a walk and he told me ‘not another step … until you are ready to get out of the boat, and you are not able to return.’  The boat I had to get out of was the boat of Avoidance. Avoidance of fears and hiding from those things that scared me.  It took a few minutes to muster up the courage to take that literal step out of the boat.  It’s not always been easy to stay out of the boat, because stepping out of it meant diving into the waters of the unknown. The chaos, the monsters of the past, and the storms.  I’m so thankful for my Jesus who calms storms and who has already defeated Satan. This truth has given me the strength and courage to keep going.

     What holds us in our fears? We have history with our past.  We have lived years and years with these things we have stored up in our minds like a treasure chest full of things we value.  It’s time to RELEASE THE PAST AND THE PEOPLE IN IT.

Acts 16:26 (NIV)  “Suddenly there was such a violent earthquake that the foundations of the prison were shaken. At once all the prison doors flew open, and everyone’s chains came loose.”

Galatians 5:1 (NIV) “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”

     How do we release the past and the people in it?  There is not a quick ‘fix’ or an easy answer to this question, however, there are some ways we can break through and experience freedom.  

I have realized, with help from Christian counselors, that I don’t have to agree with harsh or mean words spoken to me. 

I can tell myself the truth spoken about me from Scripture.

I can make an intentional decision to forgive those who’ve hurt me in the past, whether it was intentional or accidental. 

     Forgiveness is a process.  It takes months of daily choosing to forgive an offense until it no longer stirs emotion to think about it.  

There are three types of forgiveness.  

  1.  Exoneration.  This is a complete forgiveness.  A reconciliation is possible here.  I have exonerated the guy that caused the accident that took my son’s life.
  2. Forbearance.  Forgiveness is granted but the offense is not forgotten as a safety measure.  I have forgiven family members for ways they hurt me, however I remember them so I don’t get hurt again in the same way.
  3. Release.  This is releasing the person who hurt us and over time being able to pray for them.  This doesn’t mean the offense is/was okay, it just means we are taking them off our hook and leaving judgement for God, the only just judge. I have forgiven and released my grandfather for the abusive way he treated me. I’m not accepting it was okay for him to treat me that way, I’m releasing him to be dealt with by God. 

     From ‘Fervent’ (Priscilla Shirer) “When galvanized with the living truth of God’s Word, fervent prayer is the bucket that can dip down into the reserves of God’s strength and pull up all the resolve you need for releasing other people from what they owe you.”

     Through the cross of Jesus we have the ability to release the past, recognizing it has shaped who we are today.  We can live in the present with God and give him our future.  When we give God the messes of yesterday, today and tomorrow, he can turn those messes into a message that can change the world, or at least, our corner of it.

     In Part 8 (Finally the last entry) Dig Deep, Release the Past and the People in it, and develop A NEW PERSPECTIVE. You will have to check out my next post to know what comes next.

#BreakingBarriers#Reconnection

Contact me at soulcarecoach.amy@gmail.com to discuss breaking down barriers or to place an order for my book “Wilderness Journey Living journal”. It’s a guided journal for women that leads you through eight weeks of Taking Steps Toward God through a variety of journaling styles.

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BECOMING A DEEP REAL AUTHENTIC WOMAN OF GOD Part 2

  [From Part 1] In preparation for this message, I put out a question on Facebook to see the most common barriers people experience in their relationships with God and others.  While there were a variety of responses, I found many of them fit under similar headings and there were several people with similar responses.  The order I am sharing with you is for the purpose of the flow of the message.

     The first barrier is FEAR.

     What is fear? It seems like a silly question to ask and answer. Everyone is acquainted with fear. The Wikipedia definition: 

     “Fear is a feeling induced by perceived danger or threat that occurs in certain types of organisms, which causes a change in metabolic and organ functions and ultimately a change in behavior, such as fleeing, hiding, or freezing from perceived traumatic events. Fear in human beings may occur in response to a specific stimulus occurring in the present, or in anticipation or expectation of a future threat perceived as a risk to body or life. The fear response arises from the perception of danger leading to confrontation with or escape from/avoiding the threat (also known as the fight-or-flight response), which in extreme cases of fear (horror and terror) can be a freeze response or paralysis.”

     There are so many fears connected to our relationships. Fears of disappointing God and others. Fears of the unknown. Fears of being hurt physically or emotionally. Fears of not measuring up, and the list goes on.

     Second Timothy chapter 1 verse 7 tells us:  “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” (NLT) 

** Look in a mirror.

     Knowing God’s Word tells us not to fear, why do we still fear? 

     I believe fear is a natural way to respond to a lot of things we experience in life.  In the words of Priscilla Shirer in her book ‘Fervent;’  “If I were your enemy, I’d magnify your fears, making them appear insurmountable, intimidating you with enough worries until avoiding them becomes your driving motivation.  I would use anxiety to cripple you, to paralyze you, leaving you indecisive, clinging to safety and sameness, always on the defensive because of what might happen.  When you hear the word faith, all I’d want you to hear is “unnecessary risk.”” 

     The enemy magnifies our fears just like a mirror can magnify our reflection. 

     All through my childhood and much of my adult life I have lived paralyzed by fears. Afraid I would make unforgivable mistakes. Afraid I wouldn’t measure up. Afraid of the what if’s. And afraid of what others think and feel about me.  If others were to reject me, what would I do? This is all I got, the me I am.  I went for years trying to be the perfect everything. Trying to control my surroundings, only to have the realization I DO NOT have that much control.  Now I can admit to not wanting all that control … it’s too much pressure.  My lack of control was magnified over ten years ago when I lost my twenty-two year old son in a motorcycle accident.  I was and am completely powerless to change the reality of this great loss.

     In looking at where my fears came from, I have learned the seeds were planted, watered, and grew from wounds in my past experiences.

In Part 3 we will cover The Past.

#BreakingBarriers#Reconnection

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Freedom Over Fear

The fears we are addressing today are not the healthy fears that warn us of danger, like an open flame or a bear in our path. We are addressing the fears we have learned from childhood like being afraid of the dark, snakes, failing, not measuring up, etc. We want to look at those fears that hold us captive and stop us from the life God created us for.

And courage. I don’t know about you, but I grew up believing that being courageous meant that you had no fears. That’s not true though. Being courageous means that you move forward while experiencing fear. That takes courage.

I have learned that we are born with only 2 fears, the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises; all others are learned through our experiences.

In his book, In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day, Mark Batterson shares, “Those defining experiences can plant a seed of confidence or a seed of doubt, a seed of hope or a seed of helplessness, a seed of faith or a seed of fear.”

Fortunately, when we live in fear, we are only one decision away from living in faith. Every choice we make has the ability to change the trajectory of our lives; from fear to faith.

Today I will share with you a little of my own faith journey and how I have been able to move from a fear-filled little girl to experiencing God’s freedom in spite of a traumatic accident. 

Growing up, I knew of God. I didn’t know God. He seemed distant and uninvolved in my life. 

By fifth grade I was so riddled with fear that I bit my nails until they bled and had constant stomach aches. As I grew, my fears continued. I was afraid to talk to anyone outside of my few close friends and hated speaking in front of the class. It made my stomach rebel inside my body. 

It’s interesting to me how I was so fearful in those situations but when it came to going into my family’s barn, I was all too eager to climb up to the large supporting beam so that I could jump down into the large mound of straw laying on the barn floor. How curious it is how we can be selective in what we are afraid of. The fun of leaping off the beam into the soft pile of straw much outweighed the fear of what might happen by doing so.

My childhood fears followed me into my college years. I was going to attend a large university. However, my fears kept me from there. Instead I settled for a junior college close to my home. It felt much less intimidating.

I was in my late twenties, with a husband and two children before I met up with God and saw what he had to do with me. As I tend to do, I dove in head first in learning about this God that wanted a relationship with me. ME! With my new-found faith, my husband bought me a bible. This very Bible. I couldn’t wait to dive into it. It is one of those women’s devotional bibles. Even though I grew up attending church, I had no idea how to read this Bible. A good friend of mine showed me how to read it. This is the same friend that invited me to her church, the one where I accepted Jesus. 

Second Timothy 1:7 “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” This was the first verse to capture my attention. After reading it, I was struck by it. “Wait… God didn’t give me a spirit of fear. So, where did all these fears come from?” I have since been on a journey with God towards freedom from my many fears.

Soon after my fear revelation, I began to notice that God was breaking down the walls of my fears, one by one. I frequently didn’t even notice it was happening until I realized a fear that I carried for years, was now gone. 

Dying was one of my greatest fears. Since an encounter with Jesus I haven’t feared death. Not far into my faith journey, I found myself one night thinking about how scarry death is. I was lying on my left side in my bed attempting to go to sleep. I felt a warm calming presence in the room. Then I felt a hand resting on my side, over my ribs down to my hip. In that instant, I knew it was Jesus. Somehow I knew I no longer needed to fear death. And I haven’t since.

Serving in children’s ministry helped me to learn about God in a way I could understand. Teaching the kiddos, taught me. Little by little my faith was growing. My fears were being unlearned through the Father revealing himself to me through one experience after another. I was still afraid of speaking to groups of people… unless they were little people. 

Before I could decipher what God was up to, I was asked to speak for a Mother Daughter event at my church. I agreed to the request. The day came for the event. I had prepared a message but not my stomach. Before the event, I thought my stomach was going to leave my body because my nerves were so bad. I retreated to a quiet restroom to pray. 

Once I began to speak to the ladies, I felt relaxed. It was then that I realized God had plans for me that involved speaking in front of people.

My tiny step of faith in accepting Jesus as my Savior resulted in the Father’s plan for my life moving forward. He has given me his supernatural power to accomplish things that I never could have dreamed of as the fear-filled little girl I was prior to knowing what God had to do with me. My stomach still rebels a bit right before I speak to groups. However, it’s nothing like when I was a kid getting physically ill anytime I had to stand in front of my class or talk to a group of people.

Fear has no place. Courage takes its place when we embrace faith.

What fears are stopping the life God has for you?

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