Tag Archives: connection

BECOMING A DEEP REAL AUTHENTIC WOMAN OF GOD Part 4

     [From Part 3]  Through years of healing, prayer, and study, I’ve learned my little girl mind subconsciously developed ways to protect myself by avoiding hard situations and trying to be perfect so as to not do anything ‘deserving of a spankin’. All the while, what was happening was unconsciously agreeing with the words spoken over me. By agreeing with the words, the lies, I made agreements with the enemy of my soul which he was all too happy to hold me to. These agreements or self protective vows were how my wounded mind and heart tried to protect me. What it actually did was keep me in a deep cycle of constant, sometimes subconscious, emotional and spiritual pain. The way out, the way to healing, began with Jesus.

     I feel this is a great point to stop and recap what I’ve shared so far. We are looking at four barriers to communication in Becoming Deep Real Authentic Women of God. Barriers can be spiritual and/or emotional chains that bind us and keep us from being free to be who God has created us to be. 

  • Fears. In looking at where fears come from, seeds are planted, watered, and grow from wounds in our past experiences.
  • Past. Our wounds from the past/our childhood, left open can keep us shackled to fear and unforgiveness, making connections with God and others difficult. The way out, the way to healing, begins with Jesus. 
  • Perspective. 

     Each of us have our own lenses or perspective we see life through. This perspective is tinted by life experiences, personality, DNA, and more. We have all learned through the feelings and beliefs about ourselves that have been stored up and treasured through our lives. This makes up our perspective about ourselves, God, and others.

     A reality for each of us to face is that the enemy/Satan wants us to believe we have nothing to offer God or anyone else. This perspective, or belief, is a lie. When we live out of this perspective, it causes a barrier in our relationships. Our living out of the perspective that we’re insignificant or what we have to say isn’t wanted by anyone, can lead to not sharing with the world the gifts God has given to us for his plan and purpose. I’ve personally lived in this way.

     Most of my adult life has been spent making decisions based on the belief I’m not as important as everyone else. That I don’t have anything to offer others, especially the God of the Universe. My belief that I would fail, and fear if I succeeded, kept me from using my God-given gifts. Thankfully, God has been working gently and kindly to reshape my perspective and beliefs. While I’m far from the masterpiece Abba has created me to be, I’m much closer than I was five years ago. Even three years ago. 

     Instead of us celebrating who we truly are in Christ, the enemy wants us disengaged, lifeless and constantly mourning who we wished we were. He wants nothing more than to see us crippled by self-doubt and drowning in insecurity. We are pushed further away from God and others when we fall into the trap of believing these lies. In a very real sense, we are then locking the door to our hearts from the inside. I have experienced this many times. 

     Growing up with the insecurities I had led me to believe no one would want to be my friend and for sure, no one would want to marry me.  Fortunately I was wrong. I have many friends and my husband and I have been married since 1990. Being an introvert and feeling this way about myself has made it very difficult to open myself up to relationships. This is another example of how our perspective can be a barrier to connection.

     The fears that we have developed through our past experiences have not only given way to how we view our present (our perspective), it also plays a large role in the priorities we set in our lives today.  

In Part 5, we will talk about our priorities as barriers to Becoming Deep Real Authentic Women of God.

#BreakingBarriers#Reconnection

Contact me at soulcarecoach.amy@gmail.com to talk about how your perspective is influencing your life and the decisions you are making.

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Fresh Connection

My anticipation had been building for the day I set aside to spend with God. I had nothing planned. No agenda. No schedule. No priority except being completely present with God. The day finally arrived. What would the day be like, I wondered. In the past, my times alone with God had consisted of long walks, sitting out on the patio, or sitting at my desk with a pen in hand or fingers on my keyboard.

This day seemed different from the start. My times alone with God were usually when my feet were the only ones to be wandering through the house. This time, my grandson’s feet joined me. The challenge of this go-round was how. How do I spend alone time with God while also spending time with my teenage grandson. Which I had not spent much time with in recent months. So my question was posed to God. “How do I do this, Lord? I want so desperately to truly be in your presence. I want to connect with you in a fresh way. I just don’t know how to do that with someone else in the house. I want to put you first God. I also want to spend time with my grandson and show him love. I wish to show him how to carve out time for God above all else. Father, I just don’t know how to do this. Please help me.”

I started the day by being honest with my grandson about my desire to be with God and the importance of it. How I need to put God first. And how I truly wanted to be with him as well. Thankfully; as a teenager, he can entertain himself for long periods of time. I still struggled; feeling that if I were focused solely on God, I was abandoning my loved one. And when I focused on my grandson, I felt that I was being disobedient to God.

What increased my struggle was the early return home of my husband. Now there were two loved ones I felt a need to focus on and my desire to connect with God. My soul cried out in my chest. Why can’t I figure this out? Why is it so hard to spend time with God? And why can’t I just speak what I need? They will understand. I knew one problem was that I don’t want to let anyone down or be selfish in putting my desire ahead of those I love.

My day was anything but what I expected. I was able to read through a few of my studies and spend some time in prayer. In the midst of my reading, I had multiple text messages and phone calls and visits from a wonderful teenager. My focus was low, my anxiety high, and my frustration mounting. I desperately wanted a fresh connection with God. Why is this so hard? This thought became my constant companion throughout the whole day.

Later in the day, I contemplated what I was going to share for a Bible Study message I was going to give the following day. God led me to John 15:1-17 (NIV) “ “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. 3 You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4 Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8 This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

9 “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10 If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. 11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. 17 This is my command: Love each other.”

Thinking over this passage and what I was going to share about it led me to a special realization. God had answered my prayer of wanting a fresh connection with him. Studying the John 15 passage brought out how in this current age, with all the distractions and responsibilities we each have, it takes extra effort to stay connected to God. Jesus is the vine and we are the branches. Our nourishment comes through abiding in our Messiah. For our souls to be fed, we have to do the work of purposefully grabbing hold of our Lord. In the midst of the busyness, the distractions, the people we are to show love, it requires a determination to focus our attention on our relationship with God.

I know that there is so much more to this passage and the message Holy Spirit is speaking to me through it; however, I think this is enough for now. Let’s not make things any more complicated than they already are. I like to take things one or two steps at a time, not leap over small buildings with a single bound. Superwoman I am not; human Amy, I am.

In the busyness of your life, purposefully take time for Abba; the one who created you. If your running on empty and feel depleted, maybe it’s because your lifeline to God has been pinched off or disconnected. Seek God and ask him for a fresh connection to him. He likes to hear from his children. May you be blessed! I am praying for you!

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RETURNING TO FAMILY

A couple years ago I was having a conversation with my dad while we were driving around the countryside where he grew up; and subsequently where I grew up, and he shared with me how it bothered him that no one ever held family reunions anymore. I agreed with him and I still agree with him. I have noticed over the past thirty years how there’s been a slow fade away from all things family, including extended family reunions. Our culture’s focus has increasingly become all about the ‘ME’ and forgetting about the ‘WE’ of family. Some family units choose to ‘go off the grid’ and separate themselves from the hustle and bustle of busyness and that’s okay; I’m not judging or criticizing. Some family units choose to blend into the hurried lifestyle of going from this thing to the next and to the next thing; again, no judgement or criticism. Some balance themselves somewhere in between the two extremes. It seems to me that the majority of people tend to keep to themselves, even when it comes to those that share the same household. In an age where there are so many ways to connect and communicate, I have noticed that people connect less now than they did even twenty years ago. This seems to have happened overnight; however, it’s been happening for a very long time, it’s accelerated, yes but it has been happening over probably fifty years or more.

Our Creator God formed man in His image. He is a very relational God that is in oneness with His Son Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Our God is a God of unity, community, and connectedness. We were created in this image and when we veer from God’s original plan for us, all things go haywire and wonky. We were not created for isolation. We were not created for me kingdomship. We were not created to keep others at a distance. We were created from an image of oneness, connection, and community. When we stray away from these attributes, we encounter depression, division, discontentment, and probably many other ‘d’ words. I am not saying that I know all things and I have all the answers; this would be a big fat lie; I am on this journey of life with everyone else, I am just speaking my observations, thoughts, and concerns. Yes, I am concerned because I have young grand children that are growing up in this disconnection and chaos and I am praying for a world that’s drawing near to God’s original plan and not away from it. I believe that God allows us to see these things to be change agents for the future by using the gifts and abilities that He has bestowed upon us for ‘such a time as this.’ So… I seek my part in changing toward connection, community, and unity of the family and then make one step at a time in the right direction for my own family and pray that it will have a ripple effect. I also write about these things in hopes that others will see and understand and then be a change agent in their own sphere of influence.

What does this look like for me? I am glad you asked! After that drive with my dad that I shared at the beginning, my dad walked through the journey of passing from this earth to eternity. In the end hours of my dad’s life here on earth, my cousin, and I talked about this conversation that I had with my dad and we decided that if anyone was going to get ‘the family’ together for reunions, it’s up to our generation because our parents are getting up in years and a couple have passed already; like my dad. I believe that God has laid this burden on our hearts because He has a purpose in all of this for us. Now, I have never been one to organize family events or try to get family members together. Truth be told, growing up I never felt like I belonged in my family and have spent my adult life pretty separated from extended family because I felt that ‘they’ really weren’t interested in being in my life. That; my friends, is a lie! In organizing our first family reunion last year, I spent time talking with my cousin and got to know him better. Turns out that as we were growing up neither one of us truly knew the struggles of the other; we just believed that life was how it appeared from a distance. Since that first reunion, my husband and I have spent time with my cousin and his wife and are building a great friendship. Praise God! Not only that, but in organizing our second reunion this year, I am learning more about my extended family members that I never knew; including the names of their kids, and growing in other relationships as well. Praise God!

For years I believed it was better; and the way of life, to just do our own thing and not take the time to get to know my extended family. What a lie!!! I am so thankful to God for His opening my eyes to the blessings and purpose of being connected and in community with family; extended or otherwise. I am still learning much and have a ways to go before I will offer advice on the ‘how to’s’ but I am glad to be on this journey and thankful that I get to be a part of God’s working in returning the family to it’s proper place of importance.

NOTE: I am in no way advising anyone to stay in a household or with extended family members that are unsafe or highly toxic. I want people to have proper safety boundaries in their family relationships; where it is safe to do so, I pray for restoration of families. We also have a great God that has the ability to create the world and everything in it; so… I know that He has the ability to make all things new and restore all that is broken. Praise God! May He restore, rebuild, resurrect, refocus, redeem, and return the importance of Family, even if it means that our church family is that family for us.

#restoreFamily

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CONNECTIONS


Lately, I have been thinking a lot about the need for connection in our lives and the effects of isolation. In the beginning of mankind, God had created a wonderous garden where He placed Adam and Eve; those He created in His own image, to be in connection with them. Sin crept in and caused a separation from what God had intended. In response to the sin, Adam and Eve went into isolation from God in two ways; they attempted to cover up their vulnerability and regret with fig leaves and then when they realized God’s presence in the garden, they attempted to hid from Him out of fear.


“7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

8 Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. 9 But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?”

10 He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”

11 And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?”
Genesis 3:7-11 (NIV)

So many years later, we are still isolating ourselves from God and others because of the enemy-imposed guilt and shame that we carry. God has given us the antidote to this first generation issue; Love Him and love others. The only way to do this is through connection. We need connection to God through His Holy Spirit and connection to others powered by Holy Spirit. Can I get an ‘Amen!’

Seemingly random questions: What do you talk to your friends about? What would you really like to talk to them about?

“6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7 NIV)

Who do you have on speed dial and actually call when you are hurting or when things get rough?

Hiding seems to lead to isolation which leads to more isolation and being vulnerable to the attacks of the enemy. Unsafe!
Connection to God seems to lead to more connection with Him and a humble vulnerability to His heart and purposes. Safe!
Connection to others; although pain may come, will lead to a growing vulnerability to the love God has intended for His children through the connecting with others in relationship. God’s Love on earth known and felt!

May your connection with God and His people grow stronger and the isolation trick of the enemy become an ugly thing of the past!

#loveandconnection

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