Transformation is a process.

So many instances in my life have been a reminder of that very that. Transformation. Change. Restoration. Which ever word you want to use, it’s a process. And sometimes… a very long one.

Recently, I was reminded of a life changing encounter with Jesus that I had nearly 10 years ago. It was indeed life changing and a start to a transformational process I have now come to see as, still in progress. Please allow me to explain.

I was out of town for a couple of ministerial classes. During a class session, we were instructed to go outside and spend some time with God. I chose to go for a walk along a hedge row, as other classmates were doing. To respect each others quiet time with God, we each kept to our own little area to pace.

After some time of walking and talking with God, I sensed Jesus telling me, “Not another step. Not another step until you decide that you are going to step out of your boat of ‘avoidance.'”

I squatted down and began to contemplate what Jesus was saying to me. I knew exactly what he was referring to. From childhood, whenever any situation, conversation, or television show would get uncomfortable or difficult, I would step away and hide from it. I didn’t know how to deal with hard stuff. I didn’t want to deal with the hard stuff. I wanted to just avoid the hard stuff. As a little girl I wasn’t made to deal with these things. It was okay to walk away. As an adult and one being led by God to lead others, this way of handling difficult situations is not beneficial to me or anyone else. This was what Jesus was referring to as my ‘boat of avoidance.’ And he was telling me it needed to end.

As I stayed squatted down contemplating this boat, Jesus told me, “You are not to take another step until you are ready to step out of the boat. And keep in mind that once you step out, you will not be able to get back in. That will be the end of avoidance.”

This was a HUGE step for me. This boat was a comfort for me. I could hide there. To me, I was safe in my little boat. I knew I couldn’t do this alone. I knew by stepping out of that boat, I would have to rely on Jesus more and myself less. I knew what I had to do. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. What I didn’t know was what living outside of that boat would look like. As I contemplated these things, I rocked gently back and forth working up the courage to stand and step.

I stood to my feet. Took a breath in. And took that step. Even though the world around me wasn’t changed, I was.

Soon after returning home from my classes I experienced a ‘test’ of sorts. I learned in a big way that when we step out in trusting God and away from old ineffective habits, we will be tested to grow a new muscle. It makes sense. When I was in school I would learn new things and then be tested on them to make sure I understood the teaching.

A year or two after my ‘stepping out of the boat’ experience, I returned to the same place for more classes. This time I had only a couple of days to write a message that I would have to present to the class on the last day. This was a classic difficult situation for me. I hadn’t written many messages and the ones I had, I was able to spend weeks on them; not two days.

After prayer, I was drawn to Matthew 14:22-33 (NIV). “²² Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. ²³ After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone, ²⁴ and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.

²⁵ Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. ²⁶ When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.

²⁷ But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”

²⁸ “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

²⁹ “Come,” he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. ³⁰ But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”

³¹ Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

³² And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. ³³ Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

In studying this Scripture, I was taken back to my experience with Jesus where he led me to step out of my own boat. That day was etched in my memory. The Lord stood outside of the boat and invited me to trust him enough to join him. My experience; the day I could kind of relate to Peter, became the visual for my message that I shared with the class.

I am going to fast forward to a couple weeks ago. I was reading Mark 8:22-26. ²² They came to Bethsaida, and some people brought a blind man and begged Jesus to touch him. ²³ He took the blind man by the hand and led him outside the village. When he had spit on the man’s eyes and put his hands on him, Jesus asked, “Do you see anything?”

²⁴ He looked up and said, “I see people; they look like trees walking around.”

²⁵ Once more Jesus put his hands on the man’s eyes. Then his eyes were opened, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly. ²⁶ Jesus sent him home, saying, “Don’t even go into the village.”

The blind man’s healing was not instant. Jesus; in his providence, healed the man in steps. It occurred to me that similarly, our faith journey and healing is a process. I was taken back to my stepping out of the boat experience with Jesus and realized I am still ‘in process’ of learning how to live without stepping back into that ineffective boat. No guilt. No shame. This is just a human reality. My ingrained ways of coping with life will take a process to transform.

This is a season of reassessing my boat of avoidance/my process of trusting Jesus more and myself less. These are some things I am understanding more and more.

-I know Jesus’ voice.

-When I keep my eyes on Jesus, my faith stays stronger.

-Sometimes I get distracted by the things of life, take my eyes off Jesus, and begin to sink into struggles.

-Sometimes the comments of others can distract me and I take my eyes off what I know about Jesus, leading me to start to sink.

As I navigate through all of this, I was drawn to another layer to consider. A few days ago I was transplanting a peppermint root into a new space. In so doing, I discovered a shallow root from an unknown plant/tree. I began to pull it up only to find myself pulling up a maze of different sized roots spanning about a ten foot radius. As I pulled up one, I would end up with multiple roots leading me to different parts of this area in my yard. It seemed never ending. I just wanted to get to a point where I could stop without having roots sticking up out of the ground. Finally, I came to that point, except for two roots that were too substantial for me to pull or snap off. They are hanging out waiting for my husband to tend to them. I couldn’t believe the maze of entangled roots that I had uncovered. (I’m sorry if there’s anyone reading this and freaking out because I destroyed a root system.)

As I was in the midst of pulling up these weeds, I was drawn to what I have already shared with you and how it relates to pulling up roots that grow deep and/or wide. When I stepped out of the boat of avoidance I was beginning a process with Jesus. I had to accept his drawing me out of the boat and make that first step. He then began; through his Holy Spirit, to pull up the roots that had grown deep and wide through the years. These roots need to be yanked up and destroyed because they keep me from becoming the daughter God created me to be.

Some of the names to the roots Jesus is pulling up for me: avoidance, regret, shame, fear, anger, insecurity. What about you? Are there roots he’s working out for you? Can you name them?

In our instant gratification world, we have grown used to obtaining what we want in a short time. One thing I have learned is that transformation of value takes the Lord’s Touch and the Lord’s time. And his timing is perfect.

An exercise for you in guided imagination: Imagine yourself as Peter in the boat with the other disciples on the Sea of Galilee. You all see Jesus walking toward you. How do you feel? What do you smell? What do you see? What do you say?

Jesus approaches the boat and asks you to step out onto the water with him. How do you feel? What do you do?

You step out onto the water and reach for Jesus and the winds get your attention. The winds are distractions. Can you name the distractions/winds?

Those in the boat are saying something to you. What are their reactions? What are they saying? How do you respond? What do you feel?

What happens next?

Jesus had to draw me out of the boat so that he could start to pull up the roots that don’t fit for who God created me to be.