Tag Archives: avoidance

BECOMING A DEEP REAL AUTHENTIC WOMAN OF GOD Part 7

     [From Part 6] The extremes of counting only on God (my interpretation of his leading) or the other end of the spectrum, seeking others for leading, cuts out the balance of seeking God, seeking wise counsel, and then seeking God for further direction. This plan keeps a healthy balance in our relationship with God and others. It breaks down barriers.

     Focusing on the barriers of fear, our past, our perspective, our priorities, and isolation can keep us imprisoned by them. They can seem so heavy and can lead us to feel totally defeated.  Let’s not stay here in this prison cell, let’s break free and break through to the freedom and the relationships God has created us for.  Through preparing for this material, I realized these barriers deal with how we internally process and view the things we experience. The antithesis of this requires a relationship with God.   

     To help us to remember some ways we can break through the barriers and connect with God and others, I have used the acronym D R A W.

     DIG DEEP. Ask God in prayer to help you to pull back the curtain today and every day, so you can see where the devil is lurking and working.  While we will experience fear in our lives, we don’t have to agree with the messages it sends. We don’t have to wallow in it. We don’t have to choose it. And we definitely don’t have to make friends with it. 

     In ‘Fearless-Imagine Your Life Without Fear, Max Lucado states, “Christ-followers contract malaria, bury children & battle addictions & as a result, face fears. It’s not the absence of storms that sets us apart. It’s whom we discover in the storm; an unstirred Christ.”  Whatever we water, grows.  If we water fear, it will grow. If we water our faith, it will grow.  When our faith grows, our fears are depleted of what makes them grow.

 Matthew 7:7-12 (NIV)

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

 “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone?  Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?  If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!  So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”

     Earlier I shared with you that I have lived most of my life fearful of many things.  That changed for me several years ago when I was away at one of my ministerial classes and the Holy Spirit stopped me dead in my tracks. I was on a walk and he told me ‘not another step … until you are ready to get out of the boat, and you are not able to return.’  The boat I had to get out of was the boat of Avoidance. Avoidance of fears and hiding from those things that scared me.  It took a few minutes to muster up the courage to take that literal step out of the boat.  It’s not always been easy to stay out of the boat, because stepping out of it meant diving into the waters of the unknown. The chaos, the monsters of the past, and the storms.  I’m so thankful for my Jesus who calms storms and who has already defeated Satan. This truth has given me the strength and courage to keep going.

     What holds us in our fears? We have history with our past.  We have lived years and years with these things we have stored up in our minds like a treasure chest full of things we value.  It’s time to RELEASE THE PAST AND THE PEOPLE IN IT.

Acts 16:26 (NIV)  “Suddenly there was such a violent earthquake that the foundations of the prison were shaken. At once all the prison doors flew open, and everyone’s chains came loose.”

Galatians 5:1 (NIV) “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”

     How do we release the past and the people in it?  There is not a quick ‘fix’ or an easy answer to this question, however, there are some ways we can break through and experience freedom.  

I have realized, with help from Christian counselors, that I don’t have to agree with harsh or mean words spoken to me. 

I can tell myself the truth spoken about me from Scripture.

I can make an intentional decision to forgive those who’ve hurt me in the past, whether it was intentional or accidental. 

     Forgiveness is a process.  It takes months of daily choosing to forgive an offense until it no longer stirs emotion to think about it.  

There are three types of forgiveness.  

  1.  Exoneration.  This is a complete forgiveness.  A reconciliation is possible here.  I have exonerated the guy that caused the accident that took my son’s life.
  2. Forbearance.  Forgiveness is granted but the offense is not forgotten as a safety measure.  I have forgiven family members for ways they hurt me, however I remember them so I don’t get hurt again in the same way.
  3. Release.  This is releasing the person who hurt us and over time being able to pray for them.  This doesn’t mean the offense is/was okay, it just means we are taking them off our hook and leaving judgement for God, the only just judge. I have forgiven and released my grandfather for the abusive way he treated me. I’m not accepting it was okay for him to treat me that way, I’m releasing him to be dealt with by God. 

     From ‘Fervent’ (Priscilla Shirer) “When galvanized with the living truth of God’s Word, fervent prayer is the bucket that can dip down into the reserves of God’s strength and pull up all the resolve you need for releasing other people from what they owe you.”

     Through the cross of Jesus we have the ability to release the past, recognizing it has shaped who we are today.  We can live in the present with God and give him our future.  When we give God the messes of yesterday, today and tomorrow, he can turn those messes into a message that can change the world, or at least, our corner of it.

     In Part 8 (Finally the last entry) Dig Deep, Release the Past and the People in it, and develop A NEW PERSPECTIVE. You will have to check out my next post to know what comes next.

#BreakingBarriers#Reconnection

Contact me at soulcarecoach.amy@gmail.com to discuss breaking down barriers or to place an order for my book “Wilderness Journey Living journal”. It’s a guided journal for women that leads you through eight weeks of Taking Steps Toward God through a variety of journaling styles.

Standard

My Wilderness Journey

  In the book of Numbers chapter thirty-four, Moses’ recounted the long journey he and the Israelites had through the wilderness. This passage reminds me of my own journey in the last thirty plus years and how recounting it could help me to see how far the Lord has brought me. At times, I can get down on myself by thinking ‘I should be further in my faith and healing than I am.’ The truth is … I’ve come a long way because of the Holy Spirit’s work in me.

     My personal ‘Egypt’ was full of wrong choices, shame, and living out of the lies I have believed about God, myself, and others since childhood. Lies about who I am and my value. This led to regrettable choices and burdensome shame.

     My two kiddos were preschoolers when I came to the end of myself and cried out for help. Since then I’ve been living in the ‘already and not yet’ wilderness. Already because Jesus has saved me. Not yet because the Holy Spirit is still transforming me into the person God created me to be. Who I will be in the eternal Promised Land (heaven).

     My wilderness trek began in 1997, when I surrendered my life to Jesus. Since then, the many moves my husband and I have made, all had a purpose. Not that we knew that then. No matter the reason for the move, I experienced growth in some area of my being. I can see now that sometimes I was running from my childhood wounds. Avoidance is truly a defense mechanism. In recent years, God has directed our moves and with them been bringing me closer to healing. As with the Israelites in the wilderness, getting ‘Egypt’ out of me is a long process.

     In many biblical examples, I can see parts of my own life. Currently, the story I resonate most with is the Isrealites wandering the desert. Forty years in the wilderness. Who would sign up for that? It doesn’t matter the name of the wilderness, it’s still what it is … unknown future. Unknown obstacles. Unknown dangers. The Israelites left the land of Egypt and its slavery to travel into an unknown ‘Promised Land’ to worship their God. 

     For the Israelites, each stop along their journey meant another area of refining that needed to be done to prepare them for the Promised Land. Laws. Festivals. Punishments. Rescue. All these things and more were a part of their journey. There were several generations of habits, traditions, and misbeliefs that God was working out of them. It took generations for God’s people to get to the mind space they were in; it would take time to replace the wrong way of living with God’s way. The lessons they learned. The Lord hearing their cries. Bringing them out of physical slavery. Then all the years following where God patiently built up Moses as a respected leader, established laws for right living as his people, and freeing them from emotional and spiritual slavery.

     My own road feels very similar to the bumpy one the Israelites traveled. Someday I will reach my Promised Land and spend eternity with God. Until then … I will look for the cloud by day and the fire by night to know where my Lord is leading me. Whether it’s forty years or eighty.

Standard

NO RETURN

Transformation is a process.

So many instances in my life have been a reminder of that very that. Transformation. Change. Restoration. Which ever word you want to use, it’s a process. And sometimes… a very long one.

Recently, I was reminded of a life changing encounter with Jesus that I had nearly 10 years ago. It was indeed life changing and a start to a transformational process I have now come to see as, still in progress. Please allow me to explain.

I was out of town for a couple of ministerial classes. During a class session, we were instructed to go outside and spend some time with God. I chose to go for a walk along a hedge row, as other classmates were doing. To respect each others quiet time with God, we each kept to our own little area to pace.

After some time of walking and talking with God, I sensed Jesus telling me, “Not another step. Not another step until you decide that you are going to step out of your boat of ‘avoidance.'”

I squatted down and began to contemplate what Jesus was saying to me. I knew exactly what he was referring to. From childhood, whenever any situation, conversation, or television show would get uncomfortable or difficult, I would step away and hide from it. I didn’t know how to deal with hard stuff. I didn’t want to deal with the hard stuff. I wanted to just avoid the hard stuff. As a little girl I wasn’t made to deal with these things. It was okay to walk away. As an adult and one being led by God to lead others, this way of handling difficult situations is not beneficial to me or anyone else. This was what Jesus was referring to as my ‘boat of avoidance.’ And he was telling me it needed to end.

As I stayed squatted down contemplating this boat, Jesus told me, “You are not to take another step until you are ready to step out of the boat. And keep in mind that once you step out, you will not be able to get back in. That will be the end of avoidance.”

This was a HUGE step for me. This boat was a comfort for me. I could hide there. To me, I was safe in my little boat. I knew I couldn’t do this alone. I knew by stepping out of that boat, I would have to rely on Jesus more and myself less. I knew what I had to do. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. What I didn’t know was what living outside of that boat would look like. As I contemplated these things, I rocked gently back and forth working up the courage to stand and step.

I stood to my feet. Took a breath in. And took that step. Even though the world around me wasn’t changed, I was.

Soon after returning home from my classes I experienced a ‘test’ of sorts. I learned in a big way that when we step out in trusting God and away from old ineffective habits, we will be tested to grow a new muscle. It makes sense. When I was in school I would learn new things and then be tested on them to make sure I understood the teaching.

A year or two after my ‘stepping out of the boat’ experience, I returned to the same place for more classes. This time I had only a couple of days to write a message that I would have to present to the class on the last day. This was a classic difficult situation for me. I hadn’t written many messages and the ones I had, I was able to spend weeks on them; not two days.

After prayer, I was drawn to Matthew 14:22-33 (NIV). “22 Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. 23 After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone, 24 and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.

25 Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. 26 When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.

27 But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”

28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

29 “Come,” he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”

31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

32 And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. 33 Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

In studying this Scripture, I was taken back to my experience with Jesus where he led me to step out of my own boat. That day was etched in my memory. The Lord stood outside of the boat and invited me to trust him enough to join him. My experience; the day I could kind of relate to Peter, became the visual for my message that I shared with the class.

I am going to fast forward to a couple weeks ago. I was reading Mark 8:22-26. 22 They came to Bethsaida, and some people brought a blind man and begged Jesus to touch him. 23 He took the blind man by the hand and led him outside the village. When he had spit on the man’s eyes and put his hands on him, Jesus asked, “Do you see anything?”

24 He looked up and said, “I see people; they look like trees walking around.”

25 Once more Jesus put his hands on the man’s eyes. Then his eyes were opened, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly. 26 Jesus sent him home, saying, “Don’t even go into the village.”

The blind man’s healing was not instant. Jesus; in his providence, healed the man in steps. It occurred to me that similarly, our faith journey and healing is a process. I was taken back to my stepping out of the boat experience with Jesus and realized I am still ‘in process’ of learning how to live without stepping back into that ineffective boat. No guilt. No shame. This is just a human reality. My ingrained ways of coping with life will take a process to transform.

This is a season of reassessing my boat of avoidance/my process of trusting Jesus more and myself less. These are some things I am understanding more and more.

-I know Jesus’ voice.

-When I keep my eyes on Jesus, my faith stays stronger.

-Sometimes I get distracted by the things of life, take my eyes off Jesus, and begin to sink into struggles.

-Sometimes the comments of others can distract me and I take my eyes off what I know about Jesus, leading me to start to sink.

As I navigate through all of this, I was drawn to another layer to consider. A few days ago I was transplanting a peppermint root into a new space. In so doing, I discovered a shallow root from an unknown plant/tree. I began to pull it up only to find myself pulling up a maze of different sized roots spanning about a ten foot radius. As I pulled up one, I would end up with multiple roots leading me to different parts of this area in my yard. It seemed never ending. I just wanted to get to a point where I could stop without having roots sticking up out of the ground. Finally, I came to that point, except for two roots that were too substantial for me to pull or snap off. They are hanging out waiting for my husband to tend to them. I couldn’t believe the maze of entangled roots that I had uncovered. (I’m sorry if there’s anyone reading this and freaking out because I destroyed a root system.)

As I was in the midst of pulling up these weeds, I was drawn to what I have already shared with you and how it relates to pulling up roots that grow deep and/or wide. When I stepped out of the boat of avoidance I was beginning a process with Jesus. I had to accept his drawing me out of the boat and make that first step. He then began; through his Holy Spirit, to pull up the roots that had grown deep and wide through the years. These roots need to be yanked up and destroyed because they keep me from becoming the daughter God created me to be.

Some of the names to the roots Jesus is pulling up for me: avoidance, regret, shame, fear, anger, insecurity. What about you? Are there roots he’s working out for you? Can you name them?

In our instant gratification world, we have grown used to obtaining what we want in a short time. One thing I have learned is that transformation of value takes the Lord’s Touch and the Lord’s time. And his timing is perfect.

An exercise for you in guided imagination: Imagine yourself as Peter in the boat with the other disciples on the Sea of Galilee. You all see Jesus walking toward you. How do you feel? What do you smell? What do you see? What do you say?

Jesus approaches the boat and asks you to step out onto the water with him. How do you feel? What do you do?

You step out onto the water and reach for Jesus and the winds get your attention. The winds are distractions. Can you name the distractions/winds?

Those in the boat are saying something to you. What are their reactions? What are they saying? How do you respond? What do you feel?

What happens next?

Jesus had to draw me out of the boat so that he could start to pull up the roots that don’t fit for who God created me to be.

Standard